Consider Yourselves Kitties 2-point-0
by DaniZaraki
Summary: Rewrite of the original CYK because it's shit and I hate it. Now enjoy: New stuff! Fun stuff! What happens when you cross kittens, the Akatsuki, two teenage girls, and lots of free time? Chaos. Lots and lots of Chaos. First installment of my Kitty Trilogy. OC warning. I'M BACK!
1. Chapter 1

_My babies. My beautiful, perfect, precious babies._

_I was going to wait a few days before posting this, but your reviews in EK and the messages you guys sent me made me really excited._

_So I couldn't wait anymore._

_For those of you that don't read_ Extra Kitties,_ the dealio is that I hate how shitty the original CYK was so I decided to rewrite it. If you want to read why, please go and check out the author's note in chapter 23 of EK._

_This chapter is brand new so you veteran readers get something shiny to read just like any potential new readers._

_And I'm really sorry about the long author's notes. I promise they aren't usually this bad. I'm just really excited to see my readers again._

_Enjoy if possible~ (Sorry about the page-breaks and any formatting errors. I honestly forget how to work this fucking website.)_

* * *

**First Person!**

"Alice!"

I grunted when a mass of about 110 pounds of teenage girl crashed into my back with more force than was socially acceptable. If any person other than the girl in question tried this shit, they would have been eating their own teeth.

I don't like being touched.

"If anyone other than you tried to do that, I'd have killed them," I said, glancing over my shoulder to see my taller than average best friend. Her name was Kathryn and she had been my best friend since I was three and she was one of the few people that I could tolerate acting like a complete moron.

She smiled at me and wrapped her long, bony arms around my shoulders. She rested her head on top of mine. "That's cause you love me."

"You're lucky I do," I replied, yawning and shrugging her off of me. "So what'd you want?"

"You're up to hanging out this weekend, right?"

"You need to ask? We hang out every weekend."

Kathryn quickly caught up with me as I continued down the hallway and she looked down at me like she always did since she was about five inches taller than me. "I know that, dork. But Bee and Louis are leaving this weekend, right?"

"They're going up to Canada, yeah," I said. "That doesn't change anything though. They still expect to see you every weekend. I think Brett would cry if you didn't come over."

"Well we can't have that," she said seriously. "I'd hate to make Bee cry."

"You're damn right we can't have that. You make Brett cry and I kill you," I replied. "That is, if Louis doesn't beat me to it."

"So where are you going? Are you leaving?" Kathryn asked, pulling her phone out of her pocket to check the time.

"Yeah." I stifled a yawn by covering my mouth with one of my hands. "I have to sign out first and then I'll be heading out."

"Where do you go after school? Straight home?" Kathryn asked.

I shrugged. "Depends. Usually I go home, but I have to go to the library today and drop off the books Brett and I borrowed."

"What books?"

"Does it matter?"

"Not really. I'm just curious."

"There are seventeen total. I'm not listing them all off."

"Hot fucking damn!" Kathryn said. "That many? When did you get them?"

"Two weeks ago."

"… Did you read them all?"

"Why would I return them if I didn't read them all? I'd have taken them back last week if Brett would read faster," I said.

"You are insane," Kathryn told me seriously. "Certifiably insane."

"I'll take that as a compliment. Don't you have class?" I asked.

She waved off my question. "Yeah. But it's Anatomy with Walker. You know he doesn't give a shit what I do. Besides, I tell him I was with you and he'll probably give me extra credit."

I smiled slightly. "Ah, Mr. Walker. Good man."

"I don't understand why he likes you so much. You've never had him as a teacher."

"No, but I did basically act as his team manager and secretary during wrestling season for like seven years," I said. "That guy owes me his soul. You have no idea how much paperwork coaches have to do until you do it yourself."

"Why did you quit doing that again? I thought you liked hanging out with the wrestlers. Was it too stressful?" Kathryn asked.

I glanced at her. "My brother graduated. I stopped doing it like two years ago."

"Oh. Yeah," Kathryn said. "Have you talked to him at all?"

"Nope," I said. "He's too busy living the college life."

Kathryn sighed but nodded when we finally reached the office. "Alright. Well I'll see you after school, Alice."

"Hn," I replied, entering the office to sign out for the day. "Toodles, Kat."

* * *

**Third Person!**

"Ah!"

Louis almost dropped his sandwich when a bloodcurdling scream sounded through the condo. He looked up at the ceiling above him, worried about the source of the scream. "Brett! What's wrong?"

"Help me!"

Louis tossed his uneaten sandwich on the table without a second thought before he sprinted out of the kitchen. He hopped over the coffee table and leapt over the beanbag in the living room before climbing the stairs at record speed.

Louis ripped open the door to the bedroom he shared with his boyfriend before darting to the bed. He pulled his meat cleaver out from under his pillow before racing to the bathroom.

Louis barged inside and looked around, finally locating the tall, lanky form of his boyfriend standing on the bathroom sink. "Brett! What's wrong? What happened?"

Brett looked around at the sound of Louis' voice and he gasped with relief. "Oh, babe, thank god you're here." He pointed towards the shower from his place on the sink. "It's over there."

Louis looked around for what would dare threaten his boyfriend, expecting to see a giant murderer, only to find a tiny centipede crawling up the side of the bathtub.

Louis stared at the centipede for a moment before looking at Brett. "You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack. I come busting in here, expecting you to be fighting off a rapist, only to see you hiding on the sink because of a fucking bug."

"It might try and rape me!" Brett said desperately. "You don't know that bug! You don't know what he's into!"

"I seriously doubt it has _anything_ to do with raping gothic homosexuals," Louis said in a deadpan tone. He stomped over to the tub before Spartan kicking the centipede with his thick boots. "There. I took care of the rapist centipede."

Brett hopped down from the sink and draped himself over his shorter boyfriend dramatically. He seductively ran his fingers through Louis' dyed hair that was currently black and blonde. "You saved me."

"What were you doing anyways?" Louis asked. "You went piss like fifteen minutes ago downstairs. Are you sick?"

Brett shrugged. "I was doing my makeup."

"You're such a queer." Louis rolled his eyes with a sigh.

"Because you have a lot of room to talk," Brett replied, narrowing his eyes at Louis.

"I do. I don't do my fucking makeup."

"I know. You make me do it," Brett said.

Louis grinned. "There's a difference, babe."

"Whatever," Brett said. "Asshole."

"Hey!" Louis scowled at Brett and tugged on Brett's skinny jeans in warning.

Brett simply walked away from him.

Louis grabbed Brett's hand before he could walk too far and he pulled him back. He placed a gentle kiss on Brett's nose. "I love you."

Brett smiled, his sky blue eyes softening with the gesture. "I love you, too. But you're still an asshole."

"I'll show you an asshole."

"Please don't moon me."

"Who said anything about it being _my_ asshole?"

Brett made a face and shook his head, his black and blue hair falling into his eyes. "Ew."

Louis laughed and let Brett go. "Have you talked to Alice?"

"Yeah. She's taking the books we borrowed from the library back after school," Brett said. He looked at his watch. "She should be home anytime."

"Well, hopefully she hurries up," Louis said. "Unless you have any other rapist centipedes for me to take care of, I'm going to go and finish my sandwich since you interrupted me."

"Sorry," Brett said.

"Make it up to me."

"How?"

Louis grinned. "Let me eat you."

Brett shook his head. "No sir, nothing naughty for you until tonight. I thought I made it clear to you that you were being punished."

Louis scowled. "Brett. It's been almost a week since then."

"Nope. This is what you get for trying to stab your therapist last week. I told you that you weren't getting any for a week and it's not a week until tonight at midnight," Brett said. "Now go eat."

Louis sighed dejectedly as he left the bathroom, heading for the kitchen to go and finish his lunch.

**First Person!**

I yawned as I drove into the typical neighborhood with the stereotypical cheesy name broadcasted on a fancy sign. It was complete with a giant fucking tree right in front of the sign so you couldn't even read what was on it.

Taking care not to hit anyone while driving at least twice the speed limit; I made my way through the neighborhood until I reached the condos. I drove down to the very end of the parking lot before parking my Hummer beside a shiny blue Corvette with the license plate: "B1TCHE5".

I got out of my car, locking it with the clicker, and started for the second-to-last condo in the complex before you reached the woods. I had just reached the sidewalk when I noticed something out of the ordinary.

There was a box in front of my door.

* * *

_So much _new_._

_This chapter is short because the author's note is going to be a little long._

_First off: FUCK YOU GUYS. YOU ARE ALL SO PERFECT AND PRECIOUS. MY **BABIES!** YOU ARE THE REASON I WRITE FANFICTION. I don't even give a shit about reviews. I just love talking to you guys and hearing from you. I read every single review no matter how long, short, signed, unsigned, etc. So never feel unloved._

_Secondly: Bowie is growling at me for not giving him attention right now. For those of you that don't know, Bo is one of my four dogs. He's an asshole._

Fun Fact: _ Dani has four dogs and they are her **life**. Dolly (golden retriever), Bo (German Shepherd/Husky mix), Daisy-Noodle (Shih-tzu/Bishon mix), and Zelda (Rottweiler). Zelda might be new for old readers too. I got her about a year ago this month and I don't remember if I talked about her or not in StK or EK._

**QotC:**_How many of you read the manga? How many of you watch the anime? Do some of you only read? Do some of you only watch? BOTH?_

_Yeah so updates will probably come once a week because of college and work and me just being a lazy piece of shit. But, should you guys review and message me and whatnot and get me excited, they'll probably come more often._

_People that hate OCs: It's my story. Go away if you don't like it. I honestly could not care less about your opinion. You mean nothing to me._

_Everyone else: Hi. I love you. How are you? Let me smother you all with affection. Tell me everything about you. You are my world. (Outside of my dogs. Sorry)_

_Old readers: SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. I HAVE RETURNED. LET ME LOVE YOU._

_New readers: Hi! I promise I'm not always this ridiculous. I'm just excited._

_REVIEWER ADDRESS! (This doesn't happen often. I promise but these people reviewed EK and made me really excited so deal with it.)_

_Update Zombie: Yes. I am alive. Tis good to see you. Thank you for the gifts of welcome and it's good to be back!_

_Lennyjess: I'm so happy to hear you're doing well! Congrats on the move, job, love, etc. YOU'RE OLD? I'M OLD! I'M A JUNIOR IN COLLEGE! (Chpt. 66 of MIMtK btw)_

_CrazedBunnies: Senpai has noticed you, dear kohai. I have missed you so as well._

_SoulinShadows: Your face is beautiful, you cutie-pie._

_ShadowBloodNinja: Alice missed your spunk too. And I missed you and your face._

_AkatsukiFreak31: Ah! I am glad you share my excitement, friend!_

_Dreamichwan: HI FRIEND! I MISSED YOUR PERFECTION SO MUCH! HOW ARE YOU?_

_RedSkinGirl: You and your awesomeness made me so excited. Stop it. And yes. SUGGESTIONS. You are so wonderful._

_Sierra: I missed **you**._

_KaiFukugawa: I AM VERY HAPPY TO BE BACK! I'm glad you liked my shit A/Ns. I will provide lots of Hidan and there will be lots of Dani. I am fine as far as life goes._

_Akana Uchiha: I LOVE YOU TOO! YOU'RE WELCOME. YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE ON THE TOBITO FRONT. Of course I read the manga. Kakashi is my bae._

_Animeninjafan: Excuse me while I gush over you for being one of my few baby boys. I always remember my boy readers because you're like unicorn to me. College life sucks but yay! I only have two years left unless I decide to go to grad school!_

_a Wiccan: I MISSED YOU AND YOUR FACE. I'M EXCITED. SEEING YOUR PEN-NAME IN MY EMAIL MADE ME SMILE LIKE AN IDIOT._

_Other reviewers: Don't think this is favoritism that you're not listed. It's not. I just feel bad about this A/N being so damn long._

_I HAVE BEEN AWAKE FOR 24 HOURS STRAIGHT._

_LINKS TO OTHER THINGS RELATED TO ME (Tumblr, Trilogy FB page, email, etc.) ARE ON MY PROFILE PAGE_

**_TOODLES, SWEETUMS_**


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello, my lovelies. _

_I__'m so pleased to see many of my old readers coming out of the woodwork to read my shit again._

_And then the new little darlings. You will be mine soon enough._

_This is a day early because I start my junior year of college tomorrow._

_Lame._

_This particular chapter was originally the first chapter of the original CYK. It has been revamped and extended a bit. Still the same concept, however._

_Enjoy~_

* * *

**Third Person!**

_**"So,"** _Kisame said, breaking the silence that had fallen over the Akatsuki, _**"does anyone have any idea what the hell is going on?"** _His tail twitched in slight annoyance as he looked over the nine other individuals around him.

Itachi turned his silky black head toward his large, blue companion. _**"We have, in some way or another, become felines."**_

_**"We're fucking cats!"**_ Hidan hissed, pouncing closer than necessary to the impassive Uchiha. Itachi merely turned his head away from Hidan and pretended the Jashinist didn't exist. _**"We are little animals with whiskers and tails and Jashin knows what else!"**_

Sasori rolled his chocolate brown eyes at Hidan's theatrics. _**"Felines and cats are the same thing you moron. And yes, typically, felines have whiskers and tails. Now shut up, you're causing a scene."**_

_**"What scene, un?"**_ Deidara asked. _**"We're in a box, yeah."**_ He was rewarded with an annoyed blank stare from his partner.

_**"It's a fucking huge, ass box!"**_ Hidan said angrily. _**"There is no freaking way out of this piece of shit!"**_ He walked over to one of the cardboard walls and pawed at it as if to prove his point.

_**"All of you need to calm down. We'll figure out something. Relax and perhaps we will see a way out of this,"** _Pein said calmly.

**_"What are we going to do about food?"_ **Kakuzu asked, his strange eyes drifting over Hidan's silver head to gaze at their leader.

Pein turned his attention to Kakuzu. **_"We'll figure it out when the time comes."_**

**_"We can always push the box over!"_ **Tobi meowed excitedly, swatting Deidara's tail around playfully without a care in the world.

_**"Quit it, un!"** _Deidara said harshly, whacking Tobi's orange head with a blonde paw. **_"All of this is your fault anyways! Why did you have to press that damn button, un?"_**

Tobi scampered away to hide behind Zetsu's black and white form. _**"Senpai is being mean!"**_ His orange head poked out to face Deidara from behind Zetsu. _**"Tobi was just curious! He didn't know the button would turn them into kittens in a strange place!"**_

_**"If only I had my clay…"** _Deidara growled, glaring at Tobi with narrowed blue eyes.

**_"Regardless of whose fault it is, the more pressing matter is our location,"_ **Itachi said dully, directing the attention away from the bickering kittens to the more important issues of those occupying the box. **_"Where are we?"_**

Hidan growled and his tail bristled with annoyance. _**"We can't see out of the damn box to know, Uchiha!"**_

Itachi rolled his blood-red eyes. **_"This is true, Hidan, but I can't sense any chakra signatures and I've personally never heard the sounds surrounding us before."_** He paused as a loud honking droned in the distance. _**"That button could have sent us anywhere."**_

_**"It's safe to say we aren't anywhere familiar,"** _Kakuzu replied, cutting off Hidan before he could argue further with Itachi. **_"I don't sense any one another than us so I think we might be alone."_**

_**"From what I saw while we were being put into the box by that old man, we are in an entirely different world,"**_ Sasori said. _**"But how we ended up as cats, I'm not entirely sure."**_

_**"What if someone else takes us in?"** _Zetsu asked.

Kakuzu looked at him, heading cocking to the side. _**"We'll have to gain their trust long enough to find a way home."**_

**_"Fuck that,"_ **Hidan replied sharply. _**"Why rely on some asshole we don't know?"**_

_**"I don't like it either Hidan, but it is necessary if we want to survive in our now vulnerable forms in this new world. We can't exactly fend for ourselves as kittens,"** _Kakuzu said. **_"I don't know about you, but I don't have experience fighting people when I'm less than a foot tall with tiny claws and teeth instead of kunai and shuriken. We are helpless in these forms."_**

Konan made to comment but frowned as a strange noise that was steadily growing louder caught her attention. _**"Do you guys hear that?"**_

_**"Tobi hears scary loud noises,"** _Tobi said.

Konan shook her blue head. **_"No, it sounds like footsteps. It's getting closer."_**

All of the Akatsuki focused, their ears turning towards the approaching sound until it was right beside them. They looked up in unison to see they were no longer alone.

A young girl poked her head into view as she peered into the box and her curious frown disappeared as she sighed and shook her head.

She was decently tall, probably only an inch shorter than Itachi and Hidan's human forms. Her shoulders were broader than was normal for a woman, but it fit her stocky, muscular build.

"Cats," she said. Her voice was monotonous, laced with a hint of cynicism. "To be honest, I'm a dog person. You cats aren't exactly my cup of tea. Turn into puppies and you've got my full attention."

The girl's hair was long, almost to her waist, and it while it was a deep, dark brown it was rather dull and bland. There were hints of gray at the roots but they were only visible when she knelt down to get closer to the box they were packed in.

Her expression was jaded as she knelt beside them but her bicolored eyes scanned over them with clinical interest. Her right, blue eye was closed a little more than her left, green eye, and she seemed to tilt her head further to the left as if she was trying look primarily from her left side.

_**"Oi! You stupid bitch!"**_ Hidan ran towards where the girl was kneeling, and he attempted to scale the side of the box. **_"Fucking get us out of here!"_**

The girl cocked her head to the side and laughed lightly. "Good luck with that, little kitty." She reached into the box and scratched behind one of Hidan's ears gently before she straightened up.

_**"She's leaving, un!"**_ Deidara said loudly. The rest of the Akatsuki meowed with him to try and get the girl's attention before she abandoned them to living in a box.

She paused before stepping away and looked back into the box, a scowl on her face. "Look, kitties, I like cats, but I don't want any. You picked the wrong condo to be put in front of."

**_"What the fuck is a condo?"_** Kakuzu asked.

_**"Hell if I know,"**_ Sasori replied while looking up at the girl with the rest of the Akatsuki.

**_"Look cute!"_** Konan said. _**"She might help us if she thinks we're cute!"**_

Deidara, Kisame, Tobi, and Hidan whipped out the big guns by trying to look pathetic and powerless in hopes that she would be convinced to help them.

She pouted at their faces. "No, I must resist my caring instinct! Don't look into their eyes, me! Don't do it!" Her eyes suddenly widened when she peeked into the box. "Oh look! A _blue_ kitty! Now you're talking!"

She reached into the box and fished out Kisame. She held him up as she looked over him and she smiled before holding him to her chest so she could hug him gently.

**_"Of fucking course she picks out Fish-face because he's fucking blue,"_** Hidan said.

_**"Bite me, Hidan,"**_ Kisame replied. **_"You're just pissed because she already likes me more than you."_**

**_"The hell I am!"_** Hidan hissed angrily at Kisame, his tail flicking back and forth in annoyance.

"You're adorable," she said. She glanced back over the kittens as she returned Kisame to the box and awed when she located Konan "Awe, there's another one."

_**"I never thought I'd see the day where you'd be hugged by someone, Kisame. Let alone a girl, un,"**_ Deidara said, smirking.

Kisame frowned at him. **_"I'm sure I get more attention from girls than you do, brat, considering everyone thinks you're a girl already."_**

_**"Ouch,"**_ Sasori said, chuckling while Deidara puffed up defensively. **_"Nice one, Kisame."_**

**_"The girl's moving again,"_** Pein said, bringing his subordinates back to the issue at hand.

Tobi moved forward with a soft, pitiful meow, and nuzzled the girl's hand with his nose and then his entire head followed.

Her head drooped and she sighed in defeat.

"Okay fine. You win. Give me a minute. I need to let the guys know." She stroked Konan's fur gently before standing up fully and digging around in her pocket. After a second, she fished out a key and disappeared from view. They listened patiently as she unlocked the door and pushed it open. "Lulu, Bee, will you come to the front door and give me a hand?"

_**"Wait. There are more of them?"**_ Zetsu asked.

Sasori sighed when he heard a squeal of excitement. **_"Damn it."_**

* * *

_Ah, I've been wanting to rewatch/reread all of Naruto/Shippuden again._

_**Fun Fact: **Dani is 20 years old and a junior at the University of Cincinnati. (I went to The Ohio State University for my freshman and sophomore years)__  
_

Answer: _I read both the manga and watch the anime. I am caught up with both as I read and watch it religiously. It's how I pass the days, to be honest. Because with work, school, and just generally being a piece of shit, I only keep up with the days of the week through the releases of episodes for my shows._

**QotC:** _Favorite anime? I know there has been an influx of awesome anime these past few years. So? Seen any amazing ones that have become your favorites? Give me your top three if you can't pick just one._

_So I just finished cleaning my room like an hour before posting this. It took me forever because Zelda and Bo insisted on helping me by attacking the vacuum, rooting through my laundry, and lying in the middle of the floor so I'd trip over them._

_The adorable little bastards._

_Whatever. I'm outtie._

_Toodles, my dears._


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay, babies. This chapter isn't much different from the original. But it's better written and... stuff._

_Also. No, to answer all the questions: I won't be changing the kitty names. They're wonderful the way they are, in my humble opinion._

_Anyways. I have stupid homework to do so enjoy~_

* * *

**First Person!**

I frowned as I made my way up the stairs to the front door of my condo when I saw a box sitting in front of it. I could have sworn Brett and Louis were home. Maybe they were just being the lazy jerks I knew they were and were waiting for me to bring it indoors.

Assholes.

I walked closer to the box and looked inside the already open top. I was greeted by ten pairs of adorable kitten eyes. I sighed and shook my head. "Cats. To be honest, I'm a dog person. You cats aren't exactly my cup of tea. Turn into puppies and you've got my full attention." I knelt closer to the cats to get a better look.

Just because I don't like cats doesn't mean I'd just ignore them. The only things I don't like about cat are the fact that they make me sneeze and they aren't dogs.

Now, if they were birds, I'd give them to my neighbor's pit-bull as toys. I hate birds.

When I knelt beside the box, a little silver kitten attempted to climb up the wall of the box to get to me. He was meowing angrily and was pawing up at me with furry determination. I laughed. "Good luck with that, little kitty." I scratched behind its ear and straightened up. I made to leave but was assaulted with a chorus of meows.

I looked back in the box and scowled at the cats. "Look, kitties, I like cats, but I don't want any. You picked the wrong condo to be put in front of." I pouted when they gave me the kitten equivalent of the puppy-eyes. "No, I must resist my caring instinct! Don't look into their eyes, me! Don't do it!" My eyes widened when I noticed a large blue cat. "Oh look! A _blue_ kitty! Now you're talking!" I reached into the box and fished out the cat.

He was twice as large as the other kittens with the exception of two of them. He was a light blue with golden eyes and gill-like markings on his face. "You're adorable." I said as I cuddled him. I looked back into the box and located another strangely colored bluish cat. "Awe, there's another one." I returned the cat only for the others to look at him with something I could only classify as amusement. The cat himself seemed to be utterly annoyed until the long haired, yellow kitten puffed up angrily and hissed at him.

I made to stand up again but stopped when a black kitten with an orange head meowed at me pitifully and head-booped my hand.

My head drooped as the kittens won the battle. "Okay fine. You win. Give me a minute. I need to let the guys know." I stroked the fur of the other blue kitten before digging around in my pocket for my key. I quickly unlocked the door and pushed it open. "Lulu, Bee, will you come to the front door and give me a hand?"

"Alice!" Brett squealed in a very unmanly voice as he raced through the house. I rolled my eyes at his enthusiasm but didn't comment. He wasn't exactly manly anyways. I returned to the box of felines and began dragging it towards the door, causing the cats to meow in shock and hiss angrily. I heard Brett end his skipping when he reached the door.

"What's in the box?" Brett asked as he hugged me from behind. His actions can be more associated to hugging my butt considering I was bent over. He just bent over right along with me, his arms wrapped around my waist and his cheek on my spine.

"Dinner," I replied sarcastically, wiggling my butt against him to get him to move. "Help me bring it in." He nodded and slipped around me to grab the other end of the box. I waited for another squeal and was pleased when Brett didn't fail to deliver.

"Kitties!" he exclaimed excitedly, picking up a yellow kitten and snuggling against it. "Awe they're so cute!" He kissed the face of the one he was holding and I saw the kitten's bright blue eyes narrow when the other kittens meowed in a strange manner. Either they were jealous of the attention the cat was getting or they were laughing at him.

I don't know cats, okay?

"Okay Bee, put the kitten down so we can bring them inside. It's cold out here and I'm sure the cats are just as thrilled about being out here as I am about them being here." I pointed out, aiming to save the poor cat from Brett's affection. He's the biggest cat person I have ever seen.

"What's with all the squealing?" a deeper, much manlier voice asked. "And why are you bent over like that. As much as I love checking your ass out Alice, I disapprove of doing it on the steps when it's so cold."

"Shut up Louis." I sighed deeply and rolled my eyes. "I'm trying to bring in this box but Brett's having a fangirl moment." I jerked my chin towards Brett when he giggled and cooed at the kittens.

"Over what, dare I ask?" Louis asked, hugging me in the same fashion Brett did. He looked over my shoulder and his eyebrows lifted curiously. "You have a box full of pussy?"

I rolled my eyes at his antics and snatched the kitten from Brett. "Move you raging homo." I backed into Louis, enticing Louis to hump me once before moving. Finally free of homosexual obstacles, I finished dragging the box into the condo.

I straightened out and turned to Brett and Louis who were both now crouched around the kittens in the box, petting them and cooing at them. "So what are we going to do with them? Surely we can't keep them all."

"Don't call me Shirley," Louis replied without looking at me as he snatched up a brown kitten with black stitch markings in various places on its body. "We _can_ keep them. I don't have a problem with it. I love cats and there is no additional rent for having them." He gestured at Brett who was petting the smaller blue kitten with concern in his eyes. "You know he's not going to get rid of them."

"Yeah, that's why I wasn't going to bring them in." I sighed and hung my head. "Their cuteness got to me though so I had no choice." I sat on the edge of our cushioned, black couch and picked up a silky black kitten with red eyes. I stroked his fur absently as I watched Brett and Louis.

"Well, I want them," Brett said firmly. "Now that we have our own place, we can have as many cats as we want and my mom can't tell me no!" He grinned excitedly. "The poor things were dyed! This is not normal cat hair color!" He held up the tiny blue kitten. "Don't tell me you don't think she's adorable, Alice."

I rolled my eyes. "I think cats are cute Bee, I just prefer dogs." I shrugged. "If you want to keep them, so be it. We'll keep them. As long as you're happy and you're aware that you're the one that's going to be cleaning up their shit, I don't care." Brett cheered with happiness and danced with the distraught kitten in his arms.

Louis looked at his boyfriend in confusion as Brett returned the smaller blue cat to the box and brought out another kitten. This one was crimson and looked unnaturally bored or just plain tired. "How do you know that's a girl, babe? Did you check to see if she was packing or not?"

"I knew because she's freaking gorgeous, duh!" Brett said as if it should have been obvious. He looked into the box to beam at the tiny kitten. "Feline females and Alice are the only girls I'm attracted to." He placed the crimson cat in his lap and began running his fingers through his fur.

Louis rolled his eyes before bumping his shoulder against Brett's. "Hey babe, let's take the cats into our bedroom." He stood up with his brown cat. "We can get them out of the box up there without worrying about them shitting all over the house where we can't see them."

Brett nodded and picked up two more kitties aside from the red cat in his arms. I sighed and smiled at his retreating figure as he skipped upstairs to the bedroom he and Louis shared.

I picked up the blue cat I had cuddled before after putting the little black kitten on my shoulder. I then lifted up a very calm orange one that had random black dots on his face, ears, and limbs. I noted that he had very peculiar eyes that bore into me like he was trying to see into my soul.

Needless to say I avoided all eye contact because he was creeping me out.

Louis trailed behind me, bringing the last four kittens along. Being the strongest of the three of us, he had no trouble. Not that the kittens weighed very much in the first place. He set his kittens down before closing the door behind us.

I saw Brett had dumped his kittens on the bed before rushing over to close the bathroom door. I set the two cats in my hands down before gently detaching the one on my shoulder from its spot. Then I took my seat on the ground against the wall with the black kitty in my arms.

"Hey, love?" Louis asked, looking at me. I raised my eyebrow in question as I released my captive to allow him to wander around as I expected he wanted to. He didn't, he just sat beside me, watching us curiously. "Isn't Kathryn supposed to be coming over for the weekend?"

I dipped my head. "Yeah, we get together every weekend." I fished out my cell phone and dialed her number. I set it on speaker at Brett's pestering and waited for her to answer. The cats looked at my cell phone as if it was a bomb.

**Third Person!**

_** "The fuck is that?"**_ Hidan asked insistently, walking closer to the little black contraption the girl had pulled out of her pocket. He got closer to it and jumped when a loud ringing sounded. The girl who set the black thing on the ground laughed at his reaction.

Kisame's golden eyes widened when someone called hello from the black thing.

"_Hello sweetie!_" the voice exclaimed happily, it was clearly female.

_** "Holy shit! It talks!" **_Kisame backed away from the phone cautiously, his mouth agape and his eyes impossibly wide.

"Hey Kat," Alice said in response. "When are you getting here?"

"_I'm actually walking to the door now. My mom just dropped me off. The creepy old guy a few doors down just whistled at me._"

"Hi Kathryn!" the really tall, black haired boy said.

"_Hey there Bretty!_" Kathryn replied excitedly.

"I swear that old man's a pedo," Alice said as she laughed at the black device in front of her. "You've got the key or do you need me to let you in?"

_**"Who is she talking to do you wonder, un?"**_ Deidara asked the room from where he sat beside Sasori.

_**"I think that black thing is a method the people here use to communicate,"**_Pein said, having no other explanation. He looked around when the shorter, more muscular boy named Louis stood. Louis walked over to a window and peeked out. He cracked a questionable smile and then returned to his seat.

"_I'm breaking in,_" Kathryn's voice announced from the phone. "Honey I'm home!" Her voice echoed both through the house and the phone. "Where you bitches at?"

"Lu's room," Alice replied boredly. The door opened a few seconds later and a very skinny, beautiful blonde walked inside. She was at least six feet tall with a small waist and even thinner limbs. She closed the door again at Louis' command and hugged Alice after closing her own contraption and stuffing it in the front of her shirt.

Alice replaced her phone into the pocket of her baggy black sweatpants just in time for Kathryn to notice the new additions to the condo.

"_Kittens_!" She snatched up the closest one which happened to be the blonde that was first attacked by Brett. "He's so precious!"

"Kathryn, don't frighten the animals," Alice said with a tired sigh as she watched her friend sit on the floor beside her. "I just found them in a box outside the condo."

"I bet you're thrilled," Kathryn said sarcastically, giving Alice a smirk.

"Hn" was Alice's only response.

_** "Well she's about as vocal as an Uchiha. A relative of yours, Itachi?" **_Hidan asked. _**"That makes around two fucking people in the entire world that just grunt and expect it to be an acceptable fucking response."**_Itachi merely shook his head in response, staring at the brunette sitting beside him.

"So what are you going to do with them?" Kathryn asked.

"We decided to keep them, so now we just have to name them. I think I should get first dibs," Alice said. She sneezed into the fabric of her shirt-sleeve. "Fucking damn it. I hate cats."

Brett snickered at Alice's misfortune. "Poor baby. But yeah, names?"

_** "What, now they're going to name us?" **_Kakuzu frowned deeply at the thought. _**"We were already taken in by a kid more hyperactive than Tobi."**_

Sasori sighed. _**"It can only be expected, seeing as they think we're their pets now."**_

_** "Well, as long as we're kittens, we really are their pets," **_Kisame said. _**"We'll just have to deal with it."**_

_** "You've got to be kidding me, un/"**_ Deidara groaned in disapproval.

"We are not naming the cats after anime characters, Alice," Kathryn said with a roll of her eyes.

Brett gasped. "Why not?" He bounced on the bed in agitation. "I already had perfect names for them! Doesn't he remind you of Zetsu from the Akatsuki?" He held up a kitten was half white and half black. The Akatsuki kittens all exchanged horrified looks.

"Oh my Jashin he does," Alice said in agreement, completely missing the fact that Hidan gave a little kitten gasp at her words. "We have to name him that!"

"See! Alice understands!" Brett said seriously. He scurried over to Alice and they began loving over the black and white kitten that looked terrified.

Kathryn looked at Louis who was watching Brett and Alice with a deadpan stare. "What's going on here?"

"Alice and Brett are both going through a Naruto phase right now. I can't complain since they shut up about Bleach now." Louis rolled his eyes. "But if I hear one more thing about how sexy Itachi Uchiha is I'm going to break something."

Itachi froze instantly, entire body on alert.

"Well he is," Alice said. "He _is_ the best character. You know you drooled when you first saw him. I did then, and every time after that."

_** "Wait a second," **_Kisame said. _**"Zetsu, do you know these people? Did they just say the Akatsuki or am I insane? Itachi, I thought you said you didn't know her?"**_

_** "I did. I have no idea who she is."**_ Itachi appeared as if he was about to faint.

Zetsu shook his head when Brett released him. _"No. __**I don't associate myself with freaks.**__ I've never met these people before, __**thankfully.**__"_

"I demand Akatsuki names," Alice said firmly. "If not Akatsuki, Espada."

"No, bitch," Louis said. "We're not naming our kittens after criminals and villains."

_**"What the actual fuck?"**_ Hidan asked loudly when Alice pouted._** "These little bastards know us!"**_

_** "Leader, what do we do?"**_ Sasori asked, looking at Pein.

Pein's tail twitched. _**"Do not give them any reason to suspect us. As long as we can remain unknown, we should be safe."**_

_** "Bullshit, un!"**_ Deidara said. _**"They clearly know who we are, yeah!"**_

_**"Calm down,"**_ Itachi said. _**"There is nothing dangerous about three out of the four people in here. As long as we don't act suspicious, we'll be fine. Just because they know some of our names doesn't mean they are a threat to us. I do not believe they are ninjas."**_

Kisame cocked his head to the side. _**"What makes you think that?"**_

_**"They all lack chakra and seem harmless. The only one that gives off the impression of a violent one is the short man." **_Itachi said.

"You guys suck," Brett said with a pout. "Please?"

"No babe, we're naming them normal cat names. Get over your Akatsuki obsession for ten minutes." Louis sighed. "Alice almost ripped our heads off for naming our last cat Pussy."

"But he was a pussy-cat!" Brett said enthusiastically, looking at Alice. "I don't know why you didn't like it."

Alice frowned. "Because I had to be around you while you were chasing the cat around the neighborhood yelling 'I want my Pussy back!' It was more disturbing than I thought possible."

Kathryn cackled at the memory of Brett's old cat. "Well I think we should name the cats normally and if we run out of good names, we'll let Brett and Alice name them after the characters." She held up the blonde kitten. "I say this one is first."

"I think he's a Deidara!" Brett whispered to Alice. Alice snickered and nodded in agreement, both of them oblivious to the shocked stares they were receiving from the cats.

"Blondie," Louis said dully. "You don't see very many blonde cats out there."

Kathryn nodded. "That's true." She looked at Alice. "I'd name him after Deidara too since he's my favorite character, but I'm not obsessed like you two. I don't want to torture the poor thing."

_**"Trust me girl, it wouldn't be torture, un," **_Deidara said, pouting as he ignored the snickering and teasing from all the other cats as he walked away from Kathryn.

_** "I like your new name, Brat,"**_ Sasori said, chuckling**. **_**"Maybe I'll call you that from now on."**_

_** "Don't, un!" **_Deidara hissed, glaring at Sasori and swiping at the older male with his paw. Sasori easily leaned out of range, dodging the blow.

"Hey, no fighting." Louis said in a scolding tone, pulling gently on Deidara's tail to keep him from pouncing on Sasori.

_** "Yeah Blondie-Senpai!"**_ Tobi said. He was rewarded with a kitty death glare from Deidara and a chorus of kitten laughter.

Louis picked up Hidan, skillfully avoiding being scratched and bitten by the feisty kitten. "What about this little guy?" He looked up at Brett and Alice. "No references from the two of you please."

_** "Little guy?" **_Hidan growled angrily, struggling helplessly in Louis' hands**. **_**"I'll sacrifice the little shit to Jashin-sama!"**_

_** "Calm down, Hidan,"**_Kakuzu said soothingly. _**"Not much can be worse than Blondie."**_ Deidara hissed angrily at him, causing Kakuzu to chuckle.

_** "Stop causing a scene. The girl is watching us. We just discussed avoiding drawing attention to ourselves," **_Pein said sharply, issuing instant silence and order from the members. He noticed Alice had been watching them curiously for some time now and she had yet to stop.

"How about we name him Shiny because of his silver fur?" Kathryn asked.

_** "I stand corrected."**_ Kakuzu snorted at the cat name Kathryn suggested and his amusement only increased when he saw how Hidan froze up in horror. Deidara, Tobi, and Kisame erupted with kitten laughter at Kakuzu's comment. Hidan growled menacingly; for a kitten that is.

"Shiny it is," Louis said, snickering as he put Hidan down when the Jashinist-turned-kitten started growling a kitten growl. He pointed at Itachi. "Alice get that one, it's his turn."

Alice picked up Itachi gently and placed him in her lap again. Brett grinned. "Let's name him Blackie." Itachi gave him an Uchiha-death glare while Kisame held back a laugh.

"We can't name him Blackie," Louis said. "The neighbors would think we were talking to them if we had to call for him."

"Louis!" Alice gasped, holding back a laugh. "That is not appropriate." She stroked Itachi's head. "How about we just name him Kuro? It means black in Japanese."

"Good idea," Brett said. He grabbed Sasori and showed him off to the room. "What about this one?"

_** "I'll murder him in his sleep if he names me something ridiculous."**_ Sasori smirked and looked down at Hidan. _**"Though I think anything is better than Shiny."**_

_** "Don't jinx yourself, Danna,"**_ Deidara said, grinning up at Sasori from his spot on the floor. He wanted nothing more than for his Danna to get a ridiculous name so he could tease him.

"Well, he's got red fur," Louis said thoughtfully, watching Brett run his fingers through Sasori's fur. "And he's got dark rings on his limbs near his joints and a weird spot where his heart should be." He crossed his arms and frowned in thought for a moment before giving up. "I've got nothing."

"I like the name Loofa," Kathryn said randomly, looking thoughtful.

"Why?" Alice asked holding back a laugh.

She pointed towards the bathroom. "There's a loofa sponge on the door." Sure enough there was a bright green loofa sponge hanging from the bathroom door handle.

"Loofa it is then," Louis said with a confused expression. "Poor cat." He grabbed Kakuzu who was sitting beside his foot. "What about this dude?"

_** "What in Jashin's name is a fucking loofa?"**_ Hidan asked as Sasori escaped Brett's clutches. Sasori merely shrugged, not knowing the answer himself.

"He looks like a George to me," Brett said, giving Kakuzu a very serious look over.

Alice sighed. "Where are all these weird names coming from? You and Kathryn should start a club, Bee." She stroked Itachi who was still in her lap. "By the way, I like Kakuzu for him." She smiled when Louis frowned at her.

_** "So now they know my name too?"**_ Kakuzu asked._**"Who are these people?"**_

_** "I'm not sure, but maybe if we study them, we can get our answers,"**_ Pein said. _**"It's obvious these people know about us. But how? How much do they know?"**_ He frowned in thought and worry.

_ "__**Maybe we **_**are**_** somewhere near home,"**_ Konan said contemplatively. _**"Or maybe it's just a coincidence. That's unlikely, but you never know. Perhaps our names are popular around here."**_

_** "Doubtful, but we can only hope," **_Sasori said. _**"If not, we could be in serious danger."**_

"No Alice," Kathryn said. "Bad anime obsession!" She swatted Alice's head gently. "I think George is a fine name."

"I guess you're George now, big guy," Louis said patting Kakuzu's head.

"He totally has to be Ginger!" Brett shouted dramatically, jabbing a finger in Pein's direction before grabbing him.

Alice frowned when all of the cats suddenly went stiff after Brett picked up the orange kitten. "You think he's the leader?" She raised her eyebrows at her human companions. "All of the cats are acting really weird. They seemed to be fighting earlier and he hissed at them and they instantly stopped."

"Shut up dog-lover," Brett replied seriously. "You don't understand kitties." He snuggled against Pein who was struggling to keep an emotionless façade now that he was being loved.

"Maybe we should call him Pain, because he certainly looks like he's in it." Alice laughed. "Be easy with the cats Brett or they'll kill you."

_ "__**Smart girl,**_" Zetsu's darker half said.

"Sorry kitty," Brett said in an apologetic tone. "I call dibs on Ginger." Kathryn and Louis nodded their agreement and Pein was renamed as Ginger. He returned to his seat beside Konan, none too happy about his new name.

"Big blue kitty!" Alice said planting a gentle kiss on Kisame's head who was sitting between her and Kathryn. She then turned away from him to sneeze into her sleeve. "Damn cats…"

"Bless you, baby," Brett said sweetly. Alice gave him a smile as thanks.

"Bruce!" Kathryn said loudly. "You know, like the shark from Finding Nemo."

_** "Oh these people are hilarious,"**_ Kisame said with an exasperated growl, ignoring Hidan's snickers.

_** "It fits you nicely, Kisame,"**_ Itachi said from his spot on Alice's lap.

_** "You, just enjoy your spot on her lap and be quiet,"**_ Kisame replied.

Itachi looked away from him. _**"Hn."**_

Alice smirked. "Good call."

"Or Shark-bait." Brett laughed.

"He isn't a clown fish, he's a shark!" Alice frowned. "He's a very adorable shark."

"Kisame!" Brett said in a whisper. Alice grinned and nodded.

"You are now Bruce," Kathryn said, patting Kisame's head. She looked at Konan who sat beside Pein. "Now her, then we'll have two more right?"

"Wow, you can count," Alice said sarcastically. "You're a genius."

"Shut up Alice. I don't appreciate your sarcasm," Kathryn replied with a pout. She grabbed Konan gently and pet her. "She's really pretty and very docile. What a sweetheart?"

"I think Cutie is a perfect name," Louis said. "She's the only girl kitten and she's pretty." He scratched under her chin, smiling when she purred. "Look at her sitting there all proper like a princess."

_**"This is going to go to her head."**_ Hidan said in a flat tone. He hissed when Pein bit his tail and scampered away to hide behind Kakuzu.

"Welcome to the crew, Cutie," Kathryn said sweetly when she replaced Konan beside Pein. "I'll put you back next to your boyfriend." Konan visibly bristled at Kathryn's words but her reaction went unnoticed.

"I still think he should be Zetsu," Brett said, poking Zetsu. "I mean, it's perfect. The only other name is Oreo and he's not even colored right for that."

"Fine, we can name _one_ of them after your crazy obsession." Louis sighed tiredly.

"Whatever Lulu, you like it too," Alice said with a frown. "You're just not as into it as me and Brett are. You were totally just as obsessed with Bleach as I was when you were in your Soul Reaper phase." She crossed her arms. "It just so happens that I consider the characters from Bleach to be more dog compatible than Naruto characters, except Kakashi and Kiba."

"Which is one reason why she likes Bleach better," Brett said with a grin. "But Zetsu is his name. Or we can name him Kevin. Either way, I win."

"I say Kevin," Kathryn replied. "People always use the name Kevin for ignorant shit." She grinned. "Poor Kevin."

"Alright big guy, you're Kevin," Louis stated. Zetsu, Kisame, and Kakuzu were the largest of the kittens. Sasori, Konan, and Deidara were the smallest.

_ "__**Damn, we were so close.**__ We almost had a normal name_," Zetsu said as Louis confirmed his new name.

_** "It's better than fucking Shiny,"**_ Hidan said with a shudder. The others laughed.

"And now this guy!" Brett said picking up Tobi and showing him off to the others around the room. "I'm thinking Pumpkin."

"I like Pumpkin," Louis said.

_** "Tobi likes Pumpkin too!" **_Tobi said happily. He seemed utterly content when Brett stood up with him and danced about the room.

_** "What Hell have we just gotten ourselves into?"**_ Kisame asked in horror.

* * *

_So I just worked a 12 hour shift because my place of employment sucks dick. Whatever._

**_Fun Fact: _**_Dani fucking hates college and minimum wage jobs._

Answer: _My favorite animes include: Bleach, Naruto, Kuroko no Basuke (1&2), K, Shingeki no Kyojin, etc. I watch a shit ton of anime so it's really hard for me to narrow it down. For a more detailed list, check out my profile page._

**QotC:** _Who is your favorite Naruto character? Top three, please. I know a few of yours but maybe they've changed since the manga and anime have progressed so much since the Trilogy was made._

_I promised myself I wouldn't get on the computer until I finished my homework (which I procrastinated on so much). And, as you can see, that didn't fucking happen. I did finish my history homework but I still need to do my Stat and Lit homework... I think that's it. I probably have Spanish to do but I ain't doing that shit until at least Wednesday._

_Whatever._

_I love all of you. You're amazing. You make me happy. Never stop being perfect._

_Check ya later~_


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi babies!_

_This is a brand new chapter. Never been seen before._

_Today is my Kathryn's birthday. It's the second birthday she's had since we've met that I haven't been able to spend the day with her._

_I miss her:(_

_Enjoy_

* * *

**Third Person!**

"I already hate these cats and they've only been here for a little over an hour," Alice said, picking up the book Hidan had knocked off her desk.

"Why do you hate them?" Louis asked, lounging on Alice's bed with his head in Brett's lap. Brett simply accepted Louis' head without question, opting to hum quietly and play with the shorter man's hair.

"Because Shiny's an asshole," Alice replied, glaring at Hidan who was currently scratching his ear on the second shelf of her bookshelf. Kakuzu sat above the Jashinist-turned-kitten, his eyes closed and his head on his front paws. He would have appeared to be asleep if it wasn't for his tail that swished back and forth.

"He's not an asshole," Louis said. "He's a cat. There's a distinct difference."

"You're an asshole too," Alice said, smacking his forehead with the book in her hand. She sat on her computer chair and allowed Tobi to give her a head-boop from his place on her desk. "And you're cute, Pumpkin."

Tobi meowed adorably.

"I do like them," Louis replied thoughtfully. When Alice gaged, he grinned. "Why is Shiny an asshole?"

"He knocks over my shit on purpose. He just waits for me to get comfortable before he gets up to piss me off. I don't know what his problem is. If he should be mad at someone, it should be Kathryn. She's the one that fucking named him Shiny." Alice said.

"That's what you get for having so much stuff," Louis said dismissively. "He's a kitten. He'll learn."

"He just likes the attention," Brett said with a snicker. "Like Pumpkin."

"Yeah, well Pumpkin's sweet," Alice said. "Shiny's cute and all, but he's a jerk. Though, while he's a jerk, he's nothing compared to fucking Loofa."

"Loofa's not bad!" Kathryn said, looking up from reading a magazine with Konan on the floor. Konan sat between Kathryn's arms, reading the fashion magazine while Kathryn lounged on Alice's floor. "He's such a cute kitten!"

"He argues with me!" Alice said, pointing at the cat in question.

Sasori was watching her from on top of her stereo system, his tail flicking around behind him as he sat there. He meowed at her.

"See? Back-talking shithead," Alice said. "Not to mention, he's out to get me. He's tried to kill me three times already."

"Oh he has not. Calm down you big drama queen," Louis replied.

"He makes me sneeze on purpose." Alice said. "And he tried to trip me twice. He takes advantage of the fact that I'm trying not to step on him to make me stumble. Next time he does it, I'm stepping on his fucking head."

_**"Sasori,"**_ Pein said with a sigh, looking up from where he was lying on Alice's desk.

Sasori smirked at his leader. _**"This girl amuses me. She's easily angered and her insults are pure gold."**_

Pein just closed his eyes and counted backwards from ten.

"Well, at least none of them have bit you," Louis said. "Ginger tried to take a bite out of me earlier for pushing him out of my way."

"Yeah, well Ginger's more of a badass than you and you probably did something to piss him off. Leave him alone," Alice replied.

_**"I do like this girl..." **_Pein said thoughtfully.

The other kittens rolled their eyes.

"Oi, don't bitch at me for complaining about one of the cats when you started it," Louis said angrily, pointing at her.

"You deserved to get bit. I've done nothing to be Loofa's target. And yes, I have been bitten. Shiny's scratched and bit me at least ten times. He gets pissed when I clean up after him. I have no idea why but the next time he bites me, he's losing his teeth when I kick him in the face." Alice said, throwing Hidan a glare when he hissed at her. "Yeah I'm talking about you, you little turd."

_**"I dare her to fucking try it!"**_Hidan said. _**"I'll cut that bitch's throat!"**_

_**"Hidan, her foot is bigger than you are, un,"**_ Deidara said.

_**"Like I give a fuck! She can't fucking hurt me! I'm **_**immortal**_**, you dumbass!"**_

Deidara just rolled his eyes and resumed climbing up the side of Alice's egg chair so he could hop on her dresser and from there, her windowsill.

Brett laughed. "You have a way with animals."

"I like dogs. I hate cats. Give me a puppy any day," Alice said. "Cats suck."

_**"I beg her pardon,"**_ Kisame said, looking scandalized. _**"I have done **_**nothing**_**."**_

_** "She's just being dramatic, Kisame,"**_ Itachi said. _**"If she really hated cats, we would not be here."**_

_** "True,"**_ Kisame replied pensively. _**"Well, at least she's amusing."**_

"Do you like _any_ of the cats?" Kathryn asked.

Alice pointed at Kisame and Kakuzu. "I like Bruce, George, and Kevin. Ginger and Cutie are okay and Kuro's not bad. Even Blondie is well behaved if not a little noisy. Mainly I just hate Loofa and Shiny, the little shits."

"What about Pumpkin?" Kathryn asked when Hidan hissed at Alice. Alice threw her rolled up sock at him and he fled the scene, growling threateningly once he found a hiding space under Alice's bed.

Alice shrugged as she stuck her tongue out at Hidan. "He's cute but he's annoying. I'd say I'm indifferent to him."

"So, if you don't like them, we'll take them back into our room," Louis said simply.

"I'd rather deal with the cats than let you and Bee abuse them," Alice said. "None of these poor kittens need to see what you two do when you're alone together."

_**"Wait a minute,"**_ Deidara said, freezing in the process of lying down so he could look down at his fellow Akatsuki members. _**"What does that mean, un?"**_

_** "I don't think we want to know," **_Kakuzu replied, cracking one eye open.

"Hey, you're always welcome to join us." Louis said. "I don't mind."

"I'm not having sex with either of you, let alone at the same time." Alice replied.

_**"I was right. We definitely didn't want to know,"**_ Kakuzu said with a sigh.

Louis sighed dejectedly. "And here I thought you liked sleeping with me."

"You're not good enough for me," Alice said. "Nor do you have enough money to possibly bribe me."

Brett snorted with amusement but didn't comment as Louis glared at Alice. "I'm hungry."

"Hello, Hungry. I'm Alice," Alice replied.

"You're hilarious, Alice." Brett rolled his eyes. "Anyways, Louis, let's go get some food and bring it back. We'll leave Alice and Kat here with the kitties."

Louis looked up at Brett and shrugged. "Sure. What do you two want for dinner?"

"Food," Alice said.

"What kind of food, smart ass?"

"Good food." She smirked viciously.

Louis' eyes narrowed. "What kind of good food do you want, Alice?"

"The kind you eat."

"What else would you do with it?" Brett asked, looking slightly disgusted.

"I don't know what_ you_ do with your food, and I can honestly say I don't want to," Alice said. "But sometimes I like to share mine or just look at it if it's plastic."

"Give me a sarcastic answer one more time and I'm going to fucking rip your uterus out and _beat_ you with it!" Louis pointed at her threateningly. "What kind of good, edible food do you want to eat?"

Alice shrugged. "I don't care. I'm not hungry."

Brett grabbed onto Louis' shirt before he could lunge at Alice. "Alice."

"I'm being serious. I can just make myself something here," Alice stated. "I have homework to do besides."

Kathryn stuck her tongue out. "Boring. Where are you getting food, Lulu?"

"Food court at the mall," Louis said. "It has a large variety."

"Oh! Can I come? I want to buy something while I'm there!" Kathryn said.

"Sure," Louis said. "Let's go Brett. You need to pick your veggie food because I have no clue what you want."

"Kay," Brett said. He got up from the bed, paused to kiss Alice's cheek, and then followed Louis and Kathryn from the room, leaving Alice alone with the cats.

As soon as they left, Alice smirked. "Time to die, kitties."

Hidan hissed and jumped to his feet. _**"The fuck is she talking about?"**_

Alice got up and grabbed her laundry basket. She dumped the dirty clothes inside on the floor before carrying it over to her computer chair. "First one of you little shits to annoy me while I'm doing homework and classwork gets to go under the basket. And I will fit all of you under there if I need to."

Kisame, who was sitting in front of Alice's computer monitor was picked up and moved to the bed before Alice turned on the monitor and focused on her computer.

_** "I wonder what that is."**_ Kakuzu asked aloud, looking at the computer. Tobi and Pein were inspecting it from their spots on the desk, not willing to get any closer to it just in case it was dangerous.

"The computer won't eat you, Pumpkin, Ginger." Alice said, typing away on her keyboard with impressive speed without looking at either the kittens or her fingers.

_**"That thing Girl-chan is touching makes weird noises,"**_ Tobi said.

_**"I kind of like them,"**_ Konan said. _**"It's kind of hypnotic."**_

Pein crept closer to the screen, curious as to what Alice was looking at. He had just passed one of the speakers when music erupted from it. He jumped and darted away from the speaker, hissing angrily.

Alice blinked slowly as she stared at Pein where he was standing on her bed, puffed up to try and make himself look bigger. "Wow Ginger, you're a wimp. It's just a speaker." She reached over and turned the dial, lowering the volume of what sounded like heavy drums and electric guitar. "I take it you don't like rock music then? Odd. I took you for a metal-head, Ginger."

_**"What is she saying? I don't understand,"**_ Kisame said, hopping over to the desk from Alice's nightstand. _**"They talk so strangely here."**_

"Ah, Bruce has got to be the metal-head," Alice said with a nod of approval. "Are you a Megadeth fan, Bruce?"

Kisame just meowed, unsure of how to answer.

Alice smiled and rubbed her nose against his. "Good boy. This is why you're my favorite cat."

Kisame's ear twitched but instead of responding, he merely sat down where he was, opting to watch the screen along with Alice.

"Fuck math. I hate math." Alice sighed, clicking on a link. "Stupid Calculus. The world would be so much easier without you." She sneezed. "Fucking cats."

_**"Whoa,"**_ Kisame said.

_**"What?"**_ Itachi asked, walking across Alice's bed to get closer to the desk so he could jump on it. He joined his partner beside the screen and cocked his head to the side.

_**"At first I could read what she was looking at, but now there are letters and numbers together and weird symbols. I thought I was good at math but holy shit,"**_ Kisame said. _**"It's some form of elvish. I can't read it."**_

_**"There are few who can,"**_ Itachi replied as he pushed Kisame slightly out of his way and stared at the screen. _**"This is decently advanced math, Kisame, so it's no surprise you don't understand it. However, math is the same everywhere. It comes to you with a lot of practice."**_

_**"You understand that garbage?"**_ Kisame asked.

Itachi dipped his head and watched Alice solve a few problems before he meowed and swatted Alice's hand with one of his paws. She had gotten one of them wrong and he was determined to correct her.

Alice scowled at him. "What do you want, Kuro? I'm trying to do homework."

_**"The answer is not seventy two. It is twenty seven. I have no idea how you got that but you are severely incorrect,"**_ Itachi said. Of course, Alice only heard meows and not his correction.

"I'll play with you later, Kuro. Math sucks so I need to… Well damn. It's a good thing I caught that. I swear I'm dyslexic when it comes to numbers. I do this all the time," Alice said, quickly changing the numbers two and seven around so they formed 27 instead of 72.

Itachi dipped his head with approval. _**"See? I told you."**_

_**"Itachi, you do know she can't understand you, right?"**_ Sasori asked.

_**"Of course I do, Sasori,"**_ Itachi said.

Sasori scoffed.

Pein rolled his eyes. _**"Whatever. All of you go to her bed. We need to discuss our current situation now that our caretakers are occupied."**_

Pein waited for his subordinates to obey him before he laid down at the edge of the desk. He looked down at his organization before sighing. _**"So far, we have learned nothing concerning how they know who we are. We can only assume that because they know our names, they know our statuses as well. Because of that, we must be careful not to reveal our true identities."**_

_** "Yeah, but how do we know we're wanted here?"**_ Kisame asked. _**"Maybe instead of wanting our heads, they actually support our cause? Also, maybe it is just a coincidence. If they know about us, they should be ninjas. I don't know if you've noticed, but very few civilians without power know about us."**_

_** "Kisame has a point, Leader."**_ Kakuzu said. _**"And they seem to be rather fond of a few of us."**_ He tilted his head in Itachi's direction meaningfully, ignoring the cold stare the Uchiha aimed at him.

_**"Regardless, we should still be cautious.**__ You never know if they're only acting innocent to gain our trust so they can kill us later. __**As unlikely as it is, it has been done before. **__We can't trust anyone but ourselves.__**"**_

_**"Zetsu's right,"**_ Itachi said. _**"Though the girl is not the one I'm worried about. As vulgar as she is, she doesn't seem like the sort of person to hurt others unless she has no other choice."**_

_**"Maybe,"**_ Pein said. _**"Our top priority right now is to return to our true forms and regain our strength. After that, we can decide what to do with our caretakers. We must first learn how they know of us and figure out where we are. If they should prove useless to us or are a threat, we will dispose of them and be on our way."**_

_** "Unless, of course, we really are in a different world,"**_ Sasori said. _**"If we really are in a different world, we will need their help in adjusting either permanently or until we figure out a way to get back home."**_

_** "I vote we fucking kill them,"**_ Hidan said.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes before looking at his partner. _**"No one cares what you think."**_

As his subordinates began bickering, Pein wished he could be human again just so he could massage his temples.

He could feel a headache coming on.

* * *

"Okay, math's done. Thanks for your help, Kuro," Alice said, nuzzling Itachi's cheek with her nose and gently scratching under his chin. "What else? Fuck. I have an essay due in English. To write it now or to wait until the night before, that is the question. Decisions, decisions." She glanced down at Zetsu who was cleaning himself near her feet. "What do you think, Kevin? Now or later?"

_**"What did she say? **__I wasn't listening,__**" **_Zetsu said, looking up at Alice.

_**"I'm pretty sure she's asking you if she should write an essay now or later, Zetsu," **_Konan replied. _**"Why? I have no idea."**_

Zetsu cocked his head to the side, confused. _**"Now?"**_

She sighed. "But I don't _want_ to do it now. It's annoying. And I have all break to do it."

_**"**__So don't do it! __**Why did you ask a fucking cat for his opinion anyways?"**_ Zetsu stared at Alice as if she was insane.

She hummed thoughtfully as she stared at him before making a strange hissing noise. "Fine. I'll write down a thesis and get textual support and then leave writing it all down for later. Compromise."

_**"This girl is so weird, un,"**_ Deidara said when Alice turned back to her computer to work.

_**"Tobi thinks Blondie-senpai is weird too,**_" Tobi said excitedly, pouncing on Deidara from his place on top of the bed when Deidara walked by beneath him.

Deidara hissed angrily and attacked Tobi. _**"You annoying little shit, un!"**_

"Oi! Blondie!" Alice said. "Leave Pumpkin alone!" She made to get up out of her chair but Zetsu beat her to the pair, clubbing Deidara in the head with one of his paws and biting the blonde's ear sharply.

_**"Leave Tobi alone,"**_ Zetsu said, hissing at Deidara.

Deidara yelped in pain and scampered away while Tobi shot up to hide behind Zetsu. Deidara hid behind Sasori, growling at Zetsu but not daring to challenge the larger kitten without his clay.

"Good job, Kevin," Alice said, reaching down to scratch behind Zetsu's ear. "Keep them in line for me."

_**"All of you need to stop the ridiculous fighting,"**_ Pein said. _**"The less attention we draw to ourselves, the better off we will be. Do not give them a reason to get rid of us unless you want to live outside in this strange place on your own."**_

_**"Yes Leader-sama,"**_ most of his subordinates said in unison.

_**"It's better than fucking acting like cats and having to deal with these fucking civilians!"**_ Hidan said.

_**"By all means, Hidan,"**_ Kakuzu said, _**"please piss them off enough so they get rid of you. We'll all be better off without your annoying stupidity weighing us down."**_

Hidan hissed angrily and pounced on Kakuzu from his place on the computer desk. His paw got caught in the cord for one of the speakers and it fell off the desk when he lunged at Kakuzu.

He distinctly heard Alice swear at him for being a 'destructive little shit' at the same time Pein ordered him to behave but he ignored both of them. He crashed into the larger man-turned-kitten and began biting and scratching his partner with everything he had.

Kakuzu made to retaliate when Alice plucked Hidan off the floor before tossing him under the basket and trapping him beneath it.

_**"Get me out of here!" **_Hidan said loudly, throwing himself against the side of the basket. Despite his efforts, the basket did little more than shift a few centimeters to the left. He released a stream of profanities as he struggled to get free. _**"I'll fucking kill her! Kakuzu! You bastard!"**_

"Poor George," Alice said, stroking Kakuzu's fur and scratching behind his ears. "Shiny's such a pain in the ass. I give you permission to kick his ass whenever you want. I'll even hold him down for you."

Kakuzu chuckled and sneered at Hidan as Alice cooed over him. She quickly got annoyed by Hidan's distressed meows and she tossed a blanket over the basket to muffle his voice and Kakuzu almost sighed with relief.

He could get used to this.

* * *

_Someone asked about why the rating of this story is different than the original and the reason is this: I cuss _a lot_. I cuss much more than I did in the last story and my author's notes are much more vulgar than before. I could probably get away with a T rating but eh, M is probably more accurate._

_**Fun Fact:**__ Dani has two tattoos so far with plans to get many more. My tattoos so far are Star Wars and Legend of Zelda themed. You can find pictures of them on my dA page._

Answer: _My favorite Naruto characters are: Itachi, Kisame/Kakashi, and Kakuzu. I love all of the characters in Naruto aside from Kabuto and Danzō. I hate both of them with a passion._

**QotC: **_What are your top three anime/manga characters in general? Can be from any fandom, not just Naruto._

_Animeninjafan: By OSU, do you mean The Ohio State University? Probs not, but if so, tell me if you really go there and I'll come visit you!_

_Someone asked how fast I can read as well, I think in reference to Alice in the first chapter: I honestly don't know my exact WPM because it never mattered to me but I've read the original Les Mis in one day. There are 1618 or so pages in that. When I was still in high school, I went through at least a novel a day. I don't really sleep and I never do homework if I know I can get away with it. It wasn't hard to read so much._

_As always, if you guys wanna talk, about anything at all, whether it be about how big of an asshole someone was, how good/bad your day was, how much the newest episodes of Free! Eternal Summer have been ruing our life, anything. All you have to do is review, PM, email me, etc. _

_Don't be afraid. I think I've made myself clear when I told you guys how much you mean to me._

_Toodlies, babies~_


	5. Chapter 5

_riptocs, my darling! How have you been? I haven't talked to you in forever!_

_Anyways, another brand new chapter. It's kinda short but hey, you'll learn to live with it._

_My niece is a fucking menace. I want to cut her head off._

_Enjoy~_

* * *

"Alice, where is Shiny?"

Alice, who had her feet resting on the blanket covered laundry basket in front of her, shrugged. "I have no idea what you're talking about." She frowned. "You're accusing me of something, aren't you?"

Brett just put his hands on his hips and gave Alice a look.

"I have done nothing wrong," she said.

"Your defensive tone suggests otherwise, sweetie," Brett said.

"I am innocent," she said, her tone insistent.

"Alice Park, you tell me what you did with my kitten," Brett said.

Louis grinned from his spot on Alice's bed. "I love it when he gets feisty. It's so sexy."

Kathryn mimed gagging into her salad while Alice gave Louis a look. Brett simply ignored him in favor of glaring at Alice.

"If I found out you hurt my kitty, I will do that which you hate the most," Brett said threateningly.

Alice's eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't."

"Try me."

She crossed her arms. "I have not hurt him. Though, the Princess might have."

"You better not have fed my kitty to Princess Buttercup!"

_**"How long do you think it will take him to find Hidan?"**_ Kisame asked, watching Brett from his spot on Alice's lap.

_**"Who cares?"**_ Kakuzu asked. _**"Leave him under there."**_

_**"Fuck you, Kakuzu!"**_ Hidan's muffled voice shouted.

"I'm kidding. Princess Buttercup is too beautiful to eat something as shitty and foul as Shiny. He would give her the worst case of indigestion. I'd never do that to the pretty girl."

"Her fondness for dogs is so unnatural," Louis said, popping a piece of teriyaki chicken into his mouth. "Ally, just tell Brett where the cat is."

"Don't call me that," Alice said with a growl, glaring at Louis. "I'll stab your eyes out with those fucking chopsticks."

"Bring it, bitch," Louis said challengingly, pointing said eating utensils at her. "I'll twist your fucking nipples off with these."

_**"I wonder if this happens often, un,"**_ Deidara said. _**"You'd think they'd run out of threats after a while but they just keep coming up with new ones yeah."**_

_**"This is the best entertainment ever," **_Sasori said, licking his paw from the top shelf of Alice's tallest bookshelf. How he got up there was a mystery to Alice.

"Louis, shut up," Brett said. "Alice, don't make me do it."

Alice sighed and straightened up slightly in her chair, adjusting her hold on Kisame before kicking her basket. It flew across the room, successfully scaring the shit out of every cat and human in the room besides Alice and Kisame who had seen it coming.

_**"Holy fucking shit! That bitch is nuts!"**_ Hidan meowed loudly, fleeing the scene to hide behind Kakuzu.

Louis cackled after he composed himself. "Shiny almost just shit himself!"

"Alice, why did you put him under there?" Brett asked, rushing over to Hidan and picking him up. He cuddled Hidan gently, trying to soothe his racing heart.

"He bothered me while I was doing my homework," Alice said, shrugging. "Also, he started a fight with George and I like George more."

"Poor baby." Brett cooed, kissing the top of Hidan's head. "Alice is so mean to you."

Alice rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair again. "Bee, don't put him so close to your face. The little fucker bites."

Brett, who was well aware of Hidan's spiteful personality, was able to dodge the swipe at his face. He glared down at Hidan for a second before looking at Alice. "Alice, watch carefully. This is how you punish a badly behaving kitty."

_**"Uh oh,"**_ Zetsu said, turning to watch Hidan along with the rest of the Akatsuki. Part of them wondered if they would be losing a comrade while the rest of them were intensely curious about what Brett intended to do.

Brett adjusted his hold on Hidan so his legs were pinned to his body and he had little space to move his head. Brett then hugged Hidan tightly and began rubbing his face against Hidan's in an obnoxious display of affection. "Oh Shiny's such a pretty little kitty but he's so naughty! He bites and scratches and he's very bad. But he's so cute!"

Hidan was so appalled by how he was being treated that he was frozen in shock. After he managed to grasp what was going on, he began meowing in distress, trying to get help.

_**"Get this fucking heathen off of me!"**_ His meows of alarm were almost screeches._**"I'll kill the fucking bastard!"**_

Brett grinned and shook Hidan lightly, making his meows sound like he was yodeling. "Such a pretty singing voice you have, Shiny-kitty!"

Alice cackled at Hidan's misfortune. "Very nicely done, Brett."

Brett grinned and bowed with Hidan before putting him down. "Now Shiny kitty, unless you want more love, you better behave and leave Alice alone. No biting either." He watched Hidan scamper away from him before he hopped on Alice's bed and sorted through the bags to find his food. "We got you some Chinese if you get hungry, baby."

"Thanks," Alice said. "Did you get cat food?"

"They had turkey on sale at the store so I made Louis stop there and get some because I think we still have cat food down stairs." Brett said. He pulled a large bag of shredded turkey and tossed it to Alice. "Feed them, will you?"

"Sure," Alice replied, getting up. "Come here, shitty kitties."

_**"I am offended by her choice of words,"**_ Kisame said.

_**"Don't be so dramatic,"**_ Itachi said, sighing at his partner's theatrics. He hopped onto Alice's computer desk and meowed at her when she put a generous amount of turkey in front of him. She then placed another pile beside him before putting Kisame on the surface near him.

"I will not tolerate fighting," Alice said. "Anyone who fights will be cuddled to death and they will not get dessert."

"We have dessert?" Louis asked, looking up instantly.

"No," Alice said with a sigh. "Just go with it."

Louis shrugged and went back to his food.

Alice separated the turkey evenly for each of the cats before tossing what was left over inside the mini-fridge under her desk.

"So did you do your homework?" Brett asked, looking at Alice.

"Yes, mommy," Alice said dismissively, accepting the box of food from Louis when he offered it to her. She plucked a package of chopsticks from the bag on her nightstand, broke them apart and then began picking through the food Brett and Louis had gotten her.

"Were the cats good?" Louis asked.

"Shiny never is," Alice said, eating a piece of chicken. "But for the most part, yeah, they were good. Loofa even left me alone. Blondie tried to kill Pumpkin but Kevin kicked his ass for me. Kuro helped me with my homework."

"He did?" Kathryn asked with a smile.

"Yeah. He would meow at me when I got problems wrong," Alice said. "It's like he knew."

"Maybe he does," Louis said. "Cats are smart sometimes."

"They flip their shit over pieces of paper," Alice said, giving him a flat stare.

"No they don't," Brett said.

Alice raised her eyebrow at him before pointing with her chopsticks at Tobi who was happily nomming on a piece of paper.

Brett slumped. "We have a tard kitty."

"Awe, Pumpkin's so cute," Kathryn said, laughing. "Leave him alone."

"I also found out that Ginger is a wimp and Bruce likes Megadeth," Alice said.

Pein bristled. _**"The music caught me off guard."**_

_**"We know,"**_ Konan said soothingly from beside him.

"Babe, don't feed the cat your food," Louis said, frowning at Brett who was holding up a carrot for Deidara.

Brett stuck his tongue out at Louis before pointing at Alice. "Alice is doing it!"

Louis looked around at Alice who was giving Kakuzu a piece of her chicken from directly off of her chopsticks. "Alice!"

Alice looked at him and raised her right eyebrow questioningly. "What?"

"Did you not just hear me scold Brett?" Louis asked.

Alice shrugged. "I don't listen to you half the time anyways."

Louis scowled.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Slow your roll, bro."

"Don't call me 'bro'," Louis said. "Don't feed the cats people food."

"Yes master," Alice said.

"As long as you know your place," he replied. "And you shouldn't put things that go in your mouth near the things you're allergic to."

"True," Alice replied. "But I like George so it's okay."

Louis sighed and shook his head. "Honestly."

Alice scoffed. "Don't sit there and act like you're the only one here with a brain, Loopy-Louie."

Louis' eyes narrowed dangerously. "What did you just call me?"

_**"Okay, Itachi, I see what you mean by the short one being dangerous,"**_ Kisame said. _**"Did anyone else just feel the temperature in the room drop?"**_

_**"He scares Tobi," **_Tobi said, hiding behind Zetsu who simply rolled his eyes.

Pein frowned at Louis who shifted his position as if he was about to attack. _**"We should definitely keep an eye on that one."**_

_**"Agreed (un),"**_ All of the other Akatsuki members said.

Alice smirked and leaned forward in her chair. "What are you going to do about it, psycho?"

"Alice," Brett said in a scolding tone. "Louis. That's enough. Eat your dinner. Alice, you know he hates it when people call him Louie."

"He calls me Ally," Alice replied. "He's a big fucking baby."

Brett sighed. "Just stop it."

Louis ignored him and pointed at Alice. "I'll cut you."

"I'll tell Brett what you did last night," Alice said. "Then you'll be cut off from sex for two weeks instead of just one."

Louis immediately paled. "You swore not to bring it up."

_**"What do you think the asshole did?"**_ Hidan asked, looking around at the other cats.

Kakuzu, who sat beside him, shrugged. _**"I think it's best if we not know."**_

_**"You're probably fucking right,"**_ Hidan replied.

"Don't talk to me like I'm a child then," Alice said. "You're the one with mental issues out the ass. Not me. I have like one in comparison to your thousands." She jabbed him in the chest with her chopsticks. "And I'm not stupid either. If it wasn't for you, I'd have graduated two years ago."

Louis looked away from her. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

_**"They bicker like an old married couple,"**_ Sasori said. _**"It's hilarious, but they don't stop."**_

Kisame grinned. _**"Kinda like Hidan and Kakuzu."**_

The two Zombie brothers in question glared at Kisame. _**"Fuck you, Kisame."**_

Kisame just laughed while Itachi rolled his eyes.

Brett cocked his head to the side. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," Alice and Louis said in unison.

Brett sighed and shook his head. "Whatever. I don't want to know."

"You want sex too, don't you, pervert?" Alice laughed.

Brett shrugged. "Maybe I do. At least I'm getting some."

Alice shrugged too. "That's what you think."

Louis snapped his chopsticks. "_What?_"

"It was a joke, Louis," Alice replied with a sigh. She handed him her chopsticks. "Here, you overprotective weirdo."

Louis smiled sheepishly and accepted the sticks. He kissed Alice's forehead and then resumed eating with Alice's chopsticks rather than his now broken ones.

"Do you want the fork?" Brett asked, pulling a plastic fork from one of the bags. "Oh, Alice, don't use your fingers. You were just petting the cats."

Alice, who was using her fingers to eat some noodles paused. "Fine." She reached over and accepted the fork from Brett before returning to her food.

"I thought you weren't hungry," Kathryn said.

"I can never say no to Asian food," Alice said. "Well, unless it's eggrolls. I hate those."

"You're an eggroll," Louis said.

Alice raised her eyebrow at him. "Louis, eat your food."

Louis just stuck his tongue out at her.

_**"His mood swings are giving me whiplash,"**_ Kakuzu said.

Kisame glanced at Kakuzu. _**"That makes two of us."**_

* * *

_The thing that sucks about rewatching/reading Naruto and Shippuden is that I'm reburying myself in the fandom and I get a bunch of fic ideas._

_I don't need this shit in my life, people! Oh well._

**_Fun Fact: _**_Alice is actually an original character of mine from one of my original stories._

Answer: _My favorite anime characters ever include: Kenpachi Zaraki from Bleach. Itachi Uchiha from Naruto. And probably... Kisame or Kakashi or potentially Mikoto Suoh from K-Project._

**QotC:** _Favorite Naruto village? Konoha? Kumo? Ame? Taki? Iwa? Suna? etc. Tell me why. Do you like Suna's uniforms a lot? Is Kumo's landscape more appealing to you? Do you favor Kiri's forehead protectors over the other villages?_

_Listening to the Lord of the Rings soundtracks right now. The Uruk-Hai track is probably my favorite aside from like Into the West and whatnot. Howard Shore is a fucking genius._

_Anyways. Before I get off on a nerdy tangent about classical music and composing..._

_The reason I'm rewriting this fic is because the other one was riddled with very bad literary mistakes and that hurts my soul. Secondly, the cliches! Ugh! I know it's good _enough_ because of all of the praise and love it received it got from you guys but it's not up to my standards anymore. Thus, the rewrite._

_I have an oral Spanish exam on Thursday and I really don't want to take it. We're supposed to talk about stuff we did over the weekend or whatever using like special forms of words and that's fine and great but I don't **do** anything over the weekends. Literally. I sit on my ass and write/watch anime and sometimes I take my dogs to the dog park._

_Also, I quit my job because my boss is a dickhead._

_But whatevs. Dani out._

_Toodles._


	6. Chapter 6

_Hello, my lovelies. How are you?_

_This is a revamped and improved former chapter._

_And it's longish._

_Enjoy._

* * *

Alice yawned and sat up in her bed. She looked over and saw Kathryn sleeping oddly like usual. Kathryn was capable of lying in six different directions and still sleep like a log. Alice rolled her eyes with a slight smile at her best friend before looking around the room.

She had taken all the kittens to sleep in her room with her and Kathryn all weekend because Brett and Louis like to spend the night doing explicit things together and she was certain the kittens didn't need to see that.

She didn't even want to see that.

Alice did a head count absently, noting the cats slept in the same spots they had since their first night in the condo. They were weird cats. Weren't cats supposed to get really energetic at night and wreak havoc?

With the exception of the asshole kittens, they were all _boring_.

Kuro was curled in a ball on her egg chair in the corner of the room; his black fur blending in with the black fabric. Bruce was sprawled out on the computer chair, his legs up in his air and his head and tail hanging off either end as he was so big; she had to smile at that. Pumpkin was curled into an adorable little ball on Kathryn's pillow

Ginger and Cutie were both sleeping on the edge of the bed on her side since Kathryn's head was taking up the other half. Blondie was sleeping like the dead on the blanket Kathryn threw off the bed last night in her attempt to get comfortable. Loofa was lying beside Blondie, his brown eyes open and watching her with complete and utter disinterest.

Alice stuck her tongue out at him and his tail flicked in response.

Shiny was lying on a pile of clothes, kitten snores the most notable sound in the room, while Kevin slept in an open dresser drawer. Alice looked down and noticed, for the first time, that George was lying on her lap.

The night before, he had been curled up in the crook of her neck and shoulder.

He was a cuddler.

Alice smiled at him and gently maneuvered out from beneath him without waking him before slipping into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

After she did her thing she came out, refreshed and awake to see Kathryn now laying horizontally across the bed, much to George's terror. He was staring at her, as if searching for a vital to hit and kill her.

She smiled and stroked George's head. "Morning George." She noticed his eyes narrow when she said his new name. "Sorry kitty, I don't like your name either but I'll get scolded if I call you what I think you should be called."

_** "Somehow I think that may be for the best."**_ Kakuzu sighed and hopped off the bed when she grabbed a pillow. She woke up Pein and Konan to put them on the blanket with Sasori and Deidara. She then picked up Tobi and did the same with him before dragging the blanket away from the bed.

They watched her return to the bed, curious to how she planned on waking Kathryn today. She went to Kathryn's side and lifted the pillow over her head before bringing it down in one, powerful swing on Kathryn's stomach. Kathryn woke up with a start and attempted to tackle Alice who easily dodged and allowed Kathryn to plow into the wall.

"Damn it Alice," Kathryn said as she grimaced at Alice from her spot on the floor. "You're so mean." She jumped with a yelp when the door was kicked open and Louis rushed in with a cleaver in his hand, ready to attack.

"What happened?" he asked with a growl, looking around the room viciously.

_** "Sweet Jashin! He's got a knife!"**_ Hidan yelped in shock, jumping to his feet on the pile of clothes and puffing himself up to look bigger.

"Louis, put the knife away, everything is okay Kathryn just ran into the wall," Alice said through her laughter as she raised her hands calmingly towards Louis.

"How did you get that so fast?" Kathryn asked, gesturing at the cleaver.

"He keeps it under his pillow when he sleeps," Brett replied, yawning hugely. "We have a gun under our bed too."

Kathryn stared at him for a moment, both confused and concerned. "Why?"

"It's Louis," Alice said simply with a shrug as if it was expected. "Now go wake up." She patted Kathryn's head. "I'm going to get the mail from yesterday and then I'll get something for breakfast. Do we still have the cat food Bee?" she asked as she searched for her shoes. "I've just been giving them leftover turkey, I didn't bother to look."

"Yes ma'am!" Brett said cheerfully from outside Alice's room, having left once he realized everything was okay. Louis scratched the side of his head with the blade of the cleaver before shrugging and heading back to his room.

Kathryn dug around for her stuff before scampering to the bathroom to do her morning duties. Alice, meanwhile, had discovered her shoes and she shooed Itachi to the floor before sitting down in her egg chair so she could put them on.

"Okay, do one of you kitties want to go with me?" she asked, scratching Itachi's chin since he was the closest to her. "You can get some fresh air while we're out there."

_** "Itachi, go with her,"**_ Pein said. _**"See if you can discern our location from what's around the house."**_

_** "It seems she has a bit of a crush on you anyways,"**_ Sasori said, smirking at Itachi.

_** "Yes, Leader-sama," **_Itachi said obediently, ignoring the puppet. He meowed at Alice and she looked at him.

"You want to go kitty?" She raised her eyebrow when he nodded. "Okay…" She shrugged after a second, picked him up, and placed him on her shoulder. She walked out of her room, shutting the door behind her to keep the others in, and headed for the sitting room.

She walked out of the same door as yesterday and tugged her jacket on, pulling her hood up to keep the kitten safe from the cold. "Sorry if it's too cold out here for you, Kuro. I just assumed one of you wanted to go. It's probably suffocating for all of you guys to be stuffed in one room all the time."

Itachi was too busy gawking at his surroundings to pay much attention to her apology. He had never seen the strange wheeled things or most of the buildings surrounding the little condos.

Alice walked to the black mailbox at the bottom of the steps and retrieved the mail. She skimmed through it as she walked back up the stairs, separating it into stacks for Brett, Louis, and herself.

She reopened the front door and headed to the kitchen, keeping Itachi on her shoulder. She slipped off her jacket and threw it on the couch with the mail as she walked by.

"What should we have for breakfast?" She asked herself as she threw open the cabinet. "It looks like we have enough Pop-Tarts for all of us. Brett will eat one pack, Kathryn will eat two and an half, I'll eat the other half, and Louis will eat another entire box." She pulled the packs out as she went.

She threw them on the kitchen table before going to a closet. "Kitty food…" She sighed and retrieved eleven plastic bowls. "I'm assuming you guys would be alright with eating out of shared bowls, but I'm not risking someone dying." She grabbed a bag of cat food and salvaged a bag of ham from the refrigerator for the cats. "You get treats because I'm spoiling you since I don't have dogs to love."

She stalked back to her bedroom and pushed the door open, shooing the cats away from the doorway. She noticed Kathryn was fondling over Blondie, and Brett was giving Cutie love. Louis was currently on her computer with George sitting beside the screen watching him.

"We have Pop-Tarts for breakfast and I'm spoiling the cats because I love them more than you," Alice said as she placed ten different bowls on the ground and filled them up with cat food before separating the ham fairly between each one. She took the eleventh, giant bowl and filled it with water from the bathroom sink. "Water is here kitties, be fair and no fighting or I'm going to punt you."

"Punt?" Brett asked, horrified, allowing Konan and Pein to go and inspect their meal.

"I'm kidding." She laughed at his tone and expression. "I'd never do that. But I do enjoy death threats." She kissed the top of Louis' head, and he grunted at her from the computer. "George, you have food." She picked up the large brown kitten and placed him by a bowl.

_"__**What the fuck is this shit?" **_Hidan said, scowling into his bowl. _**"I've never seen anything like this before."**_ He ate some of the ham. _**"It's not too bad though."**_

_ "__**The dry stuff is pretty gross, but it's not unbearable, yeah,"**_ Deidara said.

"Loofa, are you going to eat?" Kathryn asked, poking the crimson kitty when he remained motionless. Louis snorted at the name.

"I still can't get over the name Loofa." He snickered quietly and shook his head before looking over his shoulder Kathryn. "That was a very commendable suggestion, Kathryn."

"Shucks," she replied, hugging herself. "Thanks Lulu." She latched onto Brett and lay on top of him on the floor. "This place is so much more fun than my house." She sighed dejectedly with a pout.

"Stay here then," Alice said boredly. "I do."

"Well your parents don't care what you do, mine do," Kathryn said, still attacking Brett with affection. "Your parents let you live with a bisexual, registered psycho and a homosexual cutie-pie."

"I'm pretty sure cutie-pie isn't a real title," Alice replied in a flat tone. She removed Itachi from her shoulder and set him down on the ground beside a vacant bowl. "And my parents are shit. They let me do what I want because they don't give a damn."

_** "What did you find out, Itachi?" **_Pein asked.

Itachi shook his furry head. _**"I don't have the slightest clue where we're at. Nothing is remotely familiar and there are strange wheeled things rolling around everywhere. I don't think we're even close to being anywhere near home. I believe it is safe to assume we're in an entirely different world like Sasori said when we first arrived."**_

_** "Damn," **_Pein said. He shook his head. _**"Well alright, I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens. Let's just be thankful we have food and a place to stay."**_

_** "Jashin-sama is not going to be happy about this. I think he'll understand, given the situation but damn…" **_Hidan said quietly to himself as he inhaled his food.

"I guess Shiny was starving," Kathryn said, watching Hidan devour his meal. "Speaking of which, I'm hungry. What did you make for breakfast?" She looked at Alice over her shoulder.

Alice had her arms wrapped around Louis' neck, and her chin on the top of his head as he scanned the internet from her computer. She looked back at Kathryn. "There are Pop-Tarts for you guys on the table." She returned to watching Louis' surfing. "Louis gets his own box, you get two and a half packs like usual, I'm sharing your spare half and Bee gets his own pack."

"No full out breakfast?" Kathryn asked pitifully.

Brett looked up from his spot on the floor. "Alice doesn't go all out on breakfast anymore."

"I fear I've gone lazy," Alice said with a sigh, straightening up from resting on Louis. "I can only make so much veggie food." She smiled at Brett and Kathryn. Brett refused to eat anything that came from an animal. Kathryn was a bit more reasonable but she still didn't eat meat.

_** "What is veggie food?"**_ Tobi asked.

_** "I pretty sure she means food made from vegetables," **_Konan said.

Kakuzu looked towards Zetsu. _**"Better watch out, Zetsu."**_

"Yeah, I don't think I can eat any more of those vegetarian meals." Louis shuddered at the thought. "I enjoy meat too much." He paused when Alice, Kathryn, and Brett gave him smirks and he grinned devilishly. "You can take that however you want to."

"Hey Alice, what happened to all of your posters?" Kathryn asked, looking around the room. "I could have sworn you had a shitload of Bleach and Naruto posters everywhere. And what happened to your Akatsuki blanket? I don't know how I missed them."

"Louis made me put them away," Alice replied sadly. "He's being a butthead."

"She's being punished," Louis said. "She clearly admitted that she would rather have sex with the Uchiha than me." He crossed his arms. "In my house, that is not acceptable."

"I didn't say you, only because with you, it wouldn't be as unique of an experience," Alice said under her breath. "I'm sure a fictional character would not be okay with me demanding sexual activities out of the blue. _Also_, I could get some from you any time I wanted. It would be a very rare occasion to actually meet someone who doesn't exist. Not to mention, I have a thing for sexy men with red eyes."

"Alice, I think the black kitty is dying," Kathryn said with shocked eyes, pointing directly at Itachi who was having a heart attack.

"Kitty!" Brett yelped in his excitement, throwing Kathryn off of his person and rushing over to Itachi. "Don't die Kuro!" He hugged the silky black kitten.

_ "__**Hey, Itachi, looks like you're gonna get some action,"**_ Hidan said as he, Kisame, Deidara, and Kakuzu were snorting with laughter while Sasori merely smirked. Pein, Konan, and Zetsu were impassive. Innocent little Tobi had no idea what was going on.

"Okay, little Kuro is alright now," Brett said, putting Itachi down and heaving a sigh of relief. "That was scary."

"Brett, did you take your pills?" Alice asked, amused by Brett's enthusiasm.

"Nope," Brett said, almost proudly. "I'm gonna take them after I eat." He jumped to his feet. "Which, I'm going to go do right now." He skipped to the door and slipped outside Alice's room.

"Well my mom just texted me. I've got a college visit to go to in a few hours so she's picking me up in like fifteen minutes," Kathryn said, looking at her phone. "I guess I'm going to eat and run." She pouted. "I don't wanna leave Alice."

Louis stood and stretched, his back cracking as he lifted his muscular arms over his head. "You're going to be able to stay with Alice every now and then after we leave right?" He looked at Kathryn as he lowered his arms. "Else she'll be here all by herself for however long we're gone."

"Yeah, I already talked to my mom. She said have a nice trip by the way," Kathryn said. "So are you two gonna get married while you're up in Canada?"

"We were thinking about it," Louis said. "But Ohio is ridiculous and doesn't allow stuff like that." He frowned. "We'll probably cheat the system and do it anyways. Maybe we'll just move to Canada and solve the whole issue."

"Uh, you have to wait until I'm eighteen," Alice said, kicking at Louis as he passed her.

"What about your therapist?" Kathryn asked, ignoring Alice. Louis had a lot of psychological and mental issues and he has had his own specialist since he was ten. He had a class every single day to make sure he didn't snap.

"I had an extra class yesterday to compensate for a day of traveling. But he's already scheduled me classes to go to with a different specialist. Apparently this guy has been interested in me for a while and was really eager to work with me while we're up there." He grinned. "I'm a hot commodity in the psychology world."

"That sounds kinda creepy," Kathryn said. "Just don't put your _therapist_ into _therapy_ like you did the last fill-in." She grinned at Louis when he cackled evilly.

"No promises." Louis laughed and walked to the door, pausing to pick up George. "Hey George, you want to come out to the kitchen with me?"

"That's not fair, Lu," Alice said as Louis picked up a bored looking Kakuzu. "You can't take just him out there while the rest of the cats have to stay in here."

"They stay until Brett sets up their bathroom," Louis replied. "And I won't bring just him. I'll take Shiny for Brett and you two can bring a kitten with you." He picked up Hidan and then pointed at Itachi with the silvery kitten. "You can't bring Kuro though, he went outside with you."

"I'll take Blondie and you can bring a kitty," Kathryn said, picking up Deidara. Alice rolled her eyes and grabbed the closest cat to her which happened to be Kisame. "Yippy for Bruce!" Kathryn smiled when Alice joined her at the door.

Itachi looked around at Pein when the humans left with some of the members. _**"What are we going to do?"**_

_** "Are they all leaving?" **_Konan asked.

Pein shook his head. _**"I think it's just the two men leaving. The girl is staying with us. The tall girl is only here temporarily. In response to your question Itachi, as of right now, we just need to keep the trust of the humans long enough to figure out a way to reverse this and go home," **_he said, turning his head to Itachi. _**"We can't harm anyone in order to keep our true selves hidden as long as we are cats. I don't think she'll appreciate ten S-class criminals in her house."**_

"_**Hn," **_Itachi replied. _**"If we can return to our true forms, we should have no problems forcing the girl to do what we want, even if she does mind us being here."**_

_**"I don't know," **_Sasori said pensively, _**"the girl seems to have taken a liking to you, Itachi. Maybe she won't mind."**_

Itachi sent Sasori a glare, much to the puppet master's amusement.

_** "Where did Deidara-Senpai go?" **_Tobi asked, searching the room for the blonde.

Hidan, Kakuzu, and Deidara were all placed on the kitchen table as Kathryn, Brett, and Louis attacked the breakfast food. Alice set Kisame down calmly after getting a bottle of water from the fridge.

She stole one of the pop-tarts from Kathryn's open pack and began nibbling on it while watching the cats roam around the table, investigating the parts of the room they could see.

_**"I think the crazy guy likes you, Kakuzu, un,"**_ Deidara said with a laugh, watching Louis stuff his mouth full of pop-tarts and scratch along Kakuzu's spine at the same time.

_**"Shut up, **_**Blondie**_**," **_Kakuzu replied monotonously. _**"The moronic blonde girl likes **_**you**_**."**_

"Brett, don't feed the kittens people food," Louis said as Brett fed Hidan a small bite of his chocolate pop-tart.

_**"What the shit!" **_Hidan meowed angrily. _**"They get to eat good shit like this while we're fed flavored rocks?" **_He pawed at Brett's hand, asking for more.

"But Shiny is such a good kitty," Brett said, gesturing at Hidan. "He likes it. See?"

Louis stared at Brett for a minute. "Don't make pouting faces like that."

"Why?" Brett asked.

"It makes me want to attack you," Louis replied with a smirk, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"No explicit activities in the kitchen," Alice said firmly, putting down her pop-tart. "Bee, you can't feed the cat people food because it might get sick. I can't believe we named that cat Shiny. It's so unmanly. I think we should have named him Hidan." She jabbed Hidan gently with her finger when he passed her and he swiped at her hand. She smiled when he missed and she reached around him to scratch behind his ears. He looked as if he wanted to bite her hand off but her scratching felt too good. "He's about as friendly."

"That's enough of your crazy obsessions," Louis said, turning to Alice. "If we named him Hidan, we'd have to rename George to Kakuzu because I can't have only one of the most awesome Akatsuki team, I need both teammates." He crossed his arms. "We aren't naming them after the characters."

_**"Excuse me,"**_ Kisame said. _**"But Itachi and I are the best team. We actually get along."**_

_**"Because you're both idiots, un,"**_ Deidara replied. He hissed when Kisame stepped on his tail.

"But they're your favorites," Alice said, shooing Deidara away from Kisame. "It would be a very nice reason to do so. Shiny is just so… lame."

_**"This guy knows his people,"**_ Hidan said with a smirk that looked very awkward on his kitten face. _**"I like him."**_

"I like Kakuzu and Hidan too," Brett said with a mischievous grin.

Alice frowned at her flamboyant friend. "You only like reading about them fucking each other you little pervert."

Hidan and Kakuzu both froze and turned to face each other. They both had small seizures at what she said. Kathryn, however, snorted with laughter.

_**"There goes one of Kakuzu's hearts," **_Kisame said as he guffawed loudly.

"You do too," Brett said defiantly. "Admit it."

"It's only when you bombard me with links and demands." Alice sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I'll admit I do enjoy yaoi, but Kakuzu and Hidan aren't exactly my favorite. I love them as characters, but not as lovers, though I wouldn't put them with anyone else."

"So you love them together," Kathryn said with finality. "Personally, I like Sasori and Deidara."

_** "So is Sasori your 'master' when you're fucking too?"**_ Hidan asked, laughing at Deidara who looked as though he was going to faint.

Louis shrugged. "I like it all. I don't care who is with whom as long as it's happening." He crossed his arms. "I do admit that the Sasuke and Itachi combo is not cool, though." He shook his head. "Incest is not okay."

The four cats shuddered while Alice rubbed her chin in thought.

"So, who is your favorite?" Kathryn asked.

Louis shrugged. "If I had to choose, I'd probably say Kakuzu and Hidan. Not only are they my favorite characters, but some of the things I have seen with them is fucking gold. Either them or Sasuke and Naruto. Hetero wise, I'd say Pein and Konan."

_**"Ew,"**_ the kittens all said in unison at the thought of their Leaders getting frisky.

Kathryn shook her head. "Alice?"

Alice sighed dreamily. "Anything with Itachi is perfection. I don't care who his partner is. As long as I get to see him, I honestly don't care. He could be alone and I wouldn't mind. But yeah, Kakashi and Yamato are fucking adorable. I'd have to say they're my OTP."

_**"Yikes,"**_ Kisame said. _**"Itachi's got a stalker."**_

"Hence why Kisame and Itachi are your favorite couple," Louis said with a smirk.

Alice shrugged, missing how Kisame blatantly scooted away from her. "Pretty much. Kisame is fucking sexy. I have a thing for tall guys with big muscles."

"And red eyes and dark hair," Kathryn said.

Alice shrugged. "Hair doesn't have to be dark. Tobirama has red eyes and white hair, and I'd do him in a heartbeat."

_**"Tobirama as in Tobirama Senju?"**_ Kakuzu asked. _**"How does a teenage girl know someone that has been dead for decades?"**_

_**"Just because someone's not older than fucking dirt like you don't mean they're dumb,"**_ Hidan replied. He dodged Kakuzu's swipe at his head by darting over to sit near Brett.

"Pervert," Brett said in a sing-song voice, poking Alice's nose.

"Well, guys, my mom is here," Kathryn said when she checked her phone. "I'll see you when you guys get back."

"What no goodbye sex?" Louis asked as Kathryn stood up and hugged Brett. Alice snorted into her water bottle. Kathryn punched him in the stomach before hugging him.

She smiled. "Bye Lulu, bye Brett, have fun and be careful." She hugged Alice. "Bye Alice, I'll come over as soon as I'm allowed." She waved again before leaving the kitchen and then the house.

"Strange woman," Louis said with a sigh as he sat back down.

Alice rolled her eyes and slipped Kisame a bite of her pop-tart. He licked her fingers, making sure to get the entire chocolaty residue from the digit. She smiled at him when he searched for more.

_**"That was really good. Why can't we eat that?" **_Kisame asked. Alice waved over Kakuzu, Hidan, and Deidara when Louis got up to get a drink. Brett noticed her actions and grinned at her from over the table.

"So, you are going to eat right when we leave aren't you?" Brett asked, looking at Alice with concern. "I don't want you eating only one meal a day like you usually do."

"That's a normal eating pattern for me, Bee," Alice said with a sigh. "I never get hungry. I'll make sure I eat every time I feed the cats. Twice a day is my limit."

"Deal," Brett said with a bob of his head. "And please go outside at least once a day too."

Louis sat down at the table again. "Alice is the only person I know who is content with sitting inside all day, every day."

_** "That's insane. Are you sure this girl isn't the crazy one?"**_ Hidan asked. The others merely shrugged in response. They weren't sure either.

Alice shrugged. "I like the indoors. I like outside too, especially in this weather, but I just prefer the indoors."

"You're nuts." Louis shook his head.

Alice frowned. "You have no room to talk." He chuckled at that. "So are you two all packed up?" She watched George, Blondie, Shiny, and Bruce sit in a little circle and meow at each other as if talking.

"Yep," Brett said, nodding. "I checked and double checked everything yesterday." He kissed Louis' cheek when he stood up to throw his wrapper away. "The only thing we have to worry about is you and Louis if he has to go through any security."

"If they get anywhere near my dick or ass I'm fighting them," Louis said. "And I can guarantee that I will win."

_**"Are they gay?" **_Hidan asked. _**"That's so fucking weird."**_

_** "The other girl said that they were bisexual and homosexual," **_Kakuzu said. _**"I think the shorter one with blonde and black hair is the one who likes both genders. The tall skinny one is definitely gay."**_

_** "Thank god the girl took us into her room with her." **_Kisame sighed in relief. He shuddered when he thought of what might have happened if she hadn't.

Brett sighed at Louis. "What car are we going to take up there?"

"Yours," Louis told him. "It's faster and I know Alice likes driving my Hummer."

Brett laughed. "Only because it compensates for her short height and it makes her feel lethal. She's been hanging out with you too much." He ruffled Alice's long brown hair fondly.

Alice smiled dramatically. "Ah, the Hummer makes me feel powerful." She smiled when Louis laughed at her. "And, the Corvette scares me. I have extreme road rage and I can't kill anyone with that as easily as I can with the Hummer."

"What time do we have to head out, babe?" Louis asked.

"We actually should pack the car now and then we should get going. I told my mom we would be there before noon tomorrow and you've got a meeting with your sub-therapist at four tomorrow," Brett said. He looked at Alice. "Are you sure you don't want to go, baby?"

"I'm positive," Alice said with a sigh. "I have the cats to take care of now, not to mention I hate long car rides and I have panic attacks when I have to deal with airport security so I can't really fly there. I don't want to have anything to do with Trent. I know he's up there visiting his parents too."

"Oh yeah," Louis said. "I forgot he was up there. I guess it would be better for you to stay here. Can't have you breaking his jaw again." Alice scoffed and began massaging Kisame who was sitting closest to her.

_**"What is she… oh, that feels pretty good,"**_ Kisame said. He had felt Alice's fingers tickling his back before she started rubbing his fur gently. Hidan, Kakuzu, and Deidara all gave him strange looks as he began purring.

"Alright then, let's go load the car," Brett said. He waited for Louis at the door before heading upstairs to their room to get their bags.

Alice lifted Deidara. "Alright kitties, let's put you back with your friends." She set him on her shoulder. "Make sure you hold on tight. I promise I won't let you fall but you've got to help out too." She picked up Hidan and placed him on her other shoulder before grabbing both Kisame and Kakuzu to carry in her arms.

"Shiny, if you bite or scratch me, I swear to Jashin I will curb-stomp you," Alice said. Hidan growled in response but didn't bite or scratch her, focusing on staying on her shoulder.

She carried them up the stairs easily and kicked her door open even though it was shut securely. She made sure she caused none of the cats inside her room an injury before setting Kisame and Kakuzu down before detaching Hidan and Deidara from her person and putting them on the floor.

"Okay, two kitties to go outside with me…" She raised her eyebrows. "Loofa, you can come and who else?" The other cats just watched her, wondering if she would designate anyone at random like she usually did.

She shrugged. "Okay, three of you get to come because Cutie's adorable." She picked up Itachi and set him on her shoulder before grabbing Konan. "Kuro, Cutie, and Loofa." She carried them out of her room before pulling on her jacket again. She put Konan inside one of the inside pockets to keep her warm. "This is so you'll be warm, Cutie. I don't want you to freeze." She put her hood up to cover Itachi and then tucked Sasori safely in her arms.

* * *

_Okay, so, I have the new Naruto Ninja Storm Revolution game and it's fucking awesome. They have a little video thing about the creation of the Akatsuki and everyone is there and they're all young and adorable but holy shit. Sasori is so fucking cute. I can't handle it._

_And I have the fucking hiccups._

**_Fun Fact: _**_Dani has two nieces and another one that'll be coming in the next ten days or so. My nieces are just like their mother and are demons._

Answer: _My favorite village, I think, is probably Konoha. I love the woods and Konoha's surrounded in the shit. Also, I think their Hokage Monument is the best thing ever. In terms of my second favorite, probably Kiri. Their culture is just amazing and I think I like their uniforms the best. Also: Fucking Seven Swordsmen. I like how Iwa is the best village in terms of their defense and I like Kumo for landscape and known customs though I think they have the dumbest uniforms. Suna's cool but fuck the desert, dude._

**QotC:** _What clan do you think you'd be in? And don't just say your favorite because that's not what I'm asking. I mean where you belong. Are you a lazy genius that belongs with the Nara clan? Do you like bugs like the Aburame? Is food your friend? If so, them Akamichis are where it's at. Do you have an abundance of stamina and red hair like all of the Uzumakis?__  
_

_I'm a very picky individual when it comes to fanfiction. If I didn't write this story, odds are, I wouldn't read it myself because it takes a lot for me to read a story with OCs in it. Usually, I only do it if I know the author. If the fic doesn't have me hooked by the end of the second chapter, odds are, I won't read it. But there is another thing that dictates whether or not I'll read a fic and that is the author notes._

_I don't care if your writing is the cream of the fucking crop with no mistakes and has been published into a book. If you come off as a pretentious asshole in your author's notes, I will not read your writing._

_Now, none of you have to worry about this. I was reading a fic the other day with a TON of popularity and the author was such a cocky fuck-bag that I couldn't get past the second chapter. It's one thing to be confidant and a sarcastic asshole like me but it's another to literally tear everything and everyone apart in your authors notes and then act like you know everything about the fandom you're in when really you're pulling that shit out of your ass._

_But whatever. Mini-rant over. Thank you all for the well wishes on my Spanish test. I got a 97%._

_As for questions you guys have had about pointers and whatnot for fic writing: Message me. I'll be happy to help you when I have time. But I'm not going to clog up ANs with responses._

_I'm outtie, babies._

_Toodles._


	7. Chapter 7

_Sup, you guys?_

_So, incredibly amused right now because my friend sent me the best snapchat ever._

_I love snapchat and I usually hate smartphone apps. (If you wanna add me, message me or whatever and we can be snapfriends!)_

_Anyways, enjoy! This is a revamped chapter~_

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

I left the house and walked outside to see Louis throwing the last of their bags into the back seat of Brett's shiny blue Corvette. He looked up when I came closer and shut the door to the car. Sensing danger I quickly handed Brett Cutie and Loofa just before Louis pulled me into a back breaking hug.

"Poor Kuro, he's probably having a heart attack," I said quietly into Louis' chest as he broke my bones. "Bye, Lulu, I'll see you when you get back."

"We'll call you when we get there, love," Louis said. He took Cutie and Loofa from Brett before the male in question hug-tackled me. I made sure Kuro was still alive before returning Brett's warm embrace. The poor cat was clutching onto me for dear life.

"Bye, Bee," I said to my favorite homosexual.

Brett squeezed me again as he kissed my cheek. "Bye, my dear." He kissed Kuro's head, much to the cat's discomfort. "I'll call you every day."

"I know you will," I replied boredly. "Relax, Brett, I'll be fine. I promise."

Louis handed me back the cats before kissing my cheek. "I don't want any guys over. Girls are fine. That's my territory though, no guys. No fucking anyone either. Keep it in your pants."

"Louis, get out of here." I sighed and rolled my eyes. "You sound like a dog."

"I'll pee on the house if it gets my point across," Louis said as serious as a heart attack. I laughed at his tone and nodded.

"Alright. No guys, just Kathryn." I waved goodbye to them with my free hand that wasn't holding Loofa. I watched them get in the car and drive away before sighing in slight relief and heading back inside.

I set Loofa down on the couch downstairs with Cutie and Kuro before taking off my jacket. "Stay here kitties; I'm going to let your friends out now that Brett and Louis are gone. Brett just finished putting litter boxes in the bathrooms, kitchen, and laundry room so you're all good to roam around the house."

I hurried up the stairs as fast as my slight Climacophobia would let me before opening my bedroom door. "Alright kitties, you're free, go scour the house, break things, run as fast as your kitty legs can carry you!" I paused. "No, don't break things because then I'll drown you in the sink. Some of you will deserve it more than others. I'm looking at you, Shiny."

He hissed at me and dodged my lazy kick in his direction. I hadn't really been trying to hit him, but it was fun to watch him peel out to avoid my foot.

I watched the cats trail out of my room cautiously and look around as if searching for something before looking back at me when they realized I was watching them.

"The other kitties are downstairs on the couch. You guy should probably start down there, it's where you'll be most of the time." I left my door open just in case they liked to use my bathroom litter box and led the train of cats down stairs to the living room.

Kuro, Loofa, and Cutie were exactly where I left them. I hadn't expected them to stay put like that. I assumed they would have wandered around. I shrugged, waving it off and went through the downstairs, opening at least one window in every room. I then returned to the living room and threw myself on the unoccupied couch.

"Ah, cold air!" I sighed, enjoying the cold air that whizzed through the windows. "Be good kitties, if you need to go to the bathroom, do it in the kitchen or one of the bathrooms. The laundry room works too but I think it's closed."

I heard hissing after a long while of silence and looked up from the couch to see some of the kittens were backing Pumpkin into one of the corners of the room. I frowned. "Hey, no fighting." I picked up Pumpkin and placed him safely on my stomach as I returned to my lounging position on the couch.

I sniffed Pumpkin when something weird caught my attention. He stunk, really bad. "Dang Pumpkin, you stink." I placed him on the couch as I sat up. "I'm sure you all need a bath. You were strays before." I raised my eyebrows. "So will you cooperate or am I going to have to resort to violence?"

The cats all looked at me like I was insane. "Well then come up stairs with me. You'll feel better once you're all nice and clean."

I stood, taking Pumpkin with me and went towards the stairs, expecting only one or two of the kittens to follow me out of curiosity, not all nine of them. I stared at them in confusion for a minute before shaking my head and heading up the stairs with my ten feline friends.

"You cats sure are strange," I said to them as we made it to my room. "Into the bathroom, kitties!" I shut my bedroom door before ushering them into the bathroom and then shutting that door. "Okay, into the tub with all of you."

I put Pumpkin down and checked my towel supply, I had more than enough. Brett and Louis just chucked all the towels in my bathroom and walked naked around the house to get one. I shook my head in remembrance as I put all the cats into the tub before turning on the warm water.

The cats behaved a lot better than I expected. Cats are supposed to hate water and yet these cats seemed to think water was about as interesting as a bag full of rice. I shrugged and waited for the now warm water to reach their furry little paws.

My eyes widened as loud pops filled the bathroom and smoke erupted from the bathtub. "Oh my Jashin, how dirty were you guys?" I asked, waving away the smoke. I felt myself die and return to life as I took in the scene before me.

Ten _very _familiar, _very __**naked**_ people were standing in my bathtub staring at me.

My first thought pushed me into action. I snatched the robe I never used from the pile of towels and wrapped it around what was once Cutie before dragging her out of the bathroom and into the safety of my room away from the nine other occupants who happened to be male._ Naked_ males. _Attractive _naked males.

"Wow, she's fast," I heard a deep, amused voice say.

I closed my eyes and placed my back against the door. "There are now ten naked people in house. All of which I know." I shook my head. "I've gone insane. Three years living with Louis and I've finally snapped. I'm seeing fictional characters."

"Thank you," a calm voice said from a few feet away. I opened my eyes to see Konan rewrapping the robe around her. "For the robe…"

"Don't mention it," I told her. "The first thing that popped into my head was that you were the only girl and I had to help you out." I laughed without humor. "Please tell me you have an explanation for all of this. Please tell me I'm not going crazy."

"You're not crazy," Konan said with a small smile. "We can explain this, but we need Pein-sama." She gestured to the bathroom behind me.

"Yeah, let's get him out here," I said in agreement. I opened the door and stuck only my arm in, waving my hand around randomly. "You, there are towels all over the place in there, cover up your manhood and then get out here. If you aren't decent when you emerge from the naked depths that is my bathroom, I'll get Louis' cleaver and fix you."

I sat on my computer chair and waited with Konan who took a seat on my bed for the guys to join us. Pein threw open the door and walked out with the others trailing behind him. He looked around at me and crossed his arms. I ignored this and focused on controlling my drool at seeing nine attractive dudes standing half naked in my bedroom. The towels hid their junk, but their muscles were out in the open for me to ogle at.

And really, that's all you need.

"We can explain this," Pein said stoically.

I laughed without humor, turning my attention to his pierced face. "Well I certainly hope so because I can't." I looked over the other occupants of the room until my gaze fell on a certain silver haired man. "Shit."

"What?" Sasori asked.

"I would like to apologize beforehand for my cruelty towards you when you were cats," I said. "If I had known who you were, I would have been much more hospitable."

"You would have?" Kakuzu asked, almost surprised by my statement.

I scoffed and waved at him almost dismissively. "Please. Had I know the Akatsuki were in my house, I would have been kissing your fucking feet. I practically worship all of you."

Hidan's eyes narrowed dangerously and he pointed at me. "You're going to pay for being a bitch to me while I was a fucking cat."

I stared at him quietly for a moment before jumping up, picking up my computer chair and throwing it at him. I then made a mad break for my bedroom door.

I shot from my room and darted to the stairs, pulling my phone out of my pocket to call Brett and Louis. Surely they couldn't have been that far away.

I had barely made it down the stairs when I was picked up off the floor and thrown over a massive blue shoulder. The owner of said shoulder was chuckling as he carried me back into my room and set me on my chair that had been returned to its position.

"Please don't kill me. I have kids," I said. When Kisame raised his eyebrows at me I avoided looking at him. "Okay, I don't have kids. But I really can't die until I am at least eighteen."

"Calm down, kid," Kisame said. "We're not going to kill you. Hidan's full of shit."

"Oi, fuck you, Fishfuck," Hidan said harshly.

I looked up at Kisame when he ruffled my hair and a sucked in a deep breath as I fanned myself with my hand. "Christ, you're really attractive."

Kisame grinned at me in response.

"Be quiet," Pein said loudly to silence the snickering of his subordinates. He crossed his arms and shifted to face me with his back to his subordinates, looking at me calmly. "If we tell you our situation, will you tell us where exactly we are and how you know of us?"

"Sure, why not?" I said. I made a mental note not to tell them anything that would affect relationships and the Naruto storyline that had somehow made its way into my bedroom. "But only if you promise to keep the deranged psychopaths away from me. It's plural because Hidan's not the only questionable character in this room."

"We never actually intended on you finding out our identities, despite the fact that you seem to already know a great deal about us." Pein said as he sat on the bed beside Konan. "We aren't exactly sure how all of this came about either, or how to get back. All I remember is that we were investigating a new potential lair when Tobi pressed a red button in a strange room.

"A bright light erupted around us and we woke up in the back yard belonging to an old man. He put us into a box and set us on your doorstep. The next thing we know, you showed up and took us in." My eyebrow was raised when he finished.

"It's always Tobi's fault," I said with a sigh. "I should have known." I was rewarded from a loud apology from the offender and a round of laughter from the members that actually showed emotion.

"Now it's your turn," Pein told me.

I exhaled loudly. "Well, in _my _world, there is this thing called _Naruto_. And no, I don't mean the Nine-tails Jinchūriki though he _is_ the main character. It's a manga and anime. An anime is an animated TV show just in case you didn't know and manga are like books with drawings in a _very_ broad sense. You guys are sexy spawns of some guy's imagination. Congratulations," I paused when I realized I just referred to them as sexy spawns but I quickly pressed on, hoping they didn't notice_. _"As for where you are, you're in Ohio which is a state in the country of the United States of America on the continent of North America on the planet Earth."

Pein raised his eyebrows. "How is that even possible?"

I reached inside my desk and pulled out the first box-set of the show. "Trust me pal, it's super possible… Obviously." They eyed the box-set as if it was Satan.

"So, how much do you know about us?" he asked when I returned the box to my desk.

I glanced up at him and sighed. "I can't tell you _everything_ I know, but I can give you a general overview." He frowned but gestured for me to go on. "I know your whole plan. I know you want the tailed beasts and I know what you want them for. I know Hidan's a nutcase and I know Kakuzu is stingy. I know Sasori and Deidara both have obsessions with art and all that jazz." I crossed my arms. "I can give you more details of my knowledge in private, but I'm pretty sure some things are meant to be kept secret from one another."

"I love how she isn't at all bothered by the fact that we're S-class criminals." Hidan pointed at me. "We could have killed you by now and you're even insulting us."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "I'm terrified." Kisame chuckled at my obvious sarcasm. "To be honest, the only thing that has bothered me so far was the fact that you guys probably made a mess of my bathroom and the fact that I now have to feed all of you."

"So the nakedness and criminals part didn't bother you?" Sasori wondered.

I shook my head. "Nope, I'm used to seeing naked guys, they may not all be as good looking as you guys but they have the same set up. I live with two aspiring nudists. The criminal thing hasn't even clicked yet. I think I might still just be surprised you're all here." I smiled to myself. "When it does, watch out."

"Well she's just about as emotional as Itachi." Hidan stated sadly.

"Sorry to disappoint." I said.

"What about your first escape attempt?" Kakuzu asked.

I shrugged. "I've pretty much accepted the fact that even if I did run, if you guys wanted to kill me, I wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight besides _maybe_ annoying the shit out of you." I rubbed the back of my neck. "Anyways, uh, first things first, would you guys like some clothes?"

"Hell yeah we do, un!" Deidara said with relief.

I looked at Konan. "You could probably fit in my clothes. They'll be big, but it beats a blank." I looked around at the others. "Louis and Brett's clothes might fit you." I sighed when I saw Kakuzu and Kisame. "Except you two of course. Zetsu, do you even wear clothes?" I raised my eyebrows at the plant man.

"**Not really, no.** Just a coat or something along those lines would be fine. **Pants will suffice,**" Zetsu said. I nodded, expecting that.

"Yeah, Kakuzu, Kisame, I've got clothes that could fit you but it'll take me a minute to find them." I stood. "Louis and Brett's friend Drake, who is about as big as Kisame left a trench coat here for some reason. I'll get that for you Zetsu." I looked at Konan. "Just grab whatever you want to wear, I don't mind." She thanked me quietly.

I walked over to my door and paused. "These clothes are only temporary until I get the chance to go to the mall. If you want clothes, you're going to have to go with me because I hate shopping alone."

"Why do we have to go with you, girl?" Sasori asked.

I glanced back at him. "First off, call me Alice. It's my name, it's there for a reason, use it." I ignored his eye rolling. "Secondly, I don't know your sizes, and if you make me go alone, I'm getting you all dresses." I turned to Pein. "Yes, even you."

"She's feisty," Kisame said as he chuckled.

I ignored his comment. "Any who, boys come with me so we can get you smaller guys dressed and so Konan can have free run of my room to find what she wants." I opened the door and walked to Brett and Louis' room. "Louis is going to be pissed." I opened their door and allowed my train of criminals to trail in after me.

"Sasori, Itachi, Deidara, Tobi, Hidan, and Pein, you are more than welcome to go through Brett and Louis' clothes." I paused beside Brett's dresser. "I suggest you wear Louis' pants because all Brett wears are skinny jeans and pajama pants and I'm pretty sure none of you will fit into the jeans; the PJ's will work though." I sat on the bed and waited for them to find clothing.

After a few minutes I noticed none of them were grabbing boxers. I sighed internally. "You guys do wear underwear right?" I asked. They all looked at me like I was insane. Kisame, who was sitting next to me, scooted away. I elbowed him and he chuckled.

"Well, their underwear is clean. I do the laundry myself so you guys can wear it." I shook my head when Hidan and Deidara made grossed out faces. "Oh get over yourselves. You're in an understandable situation. Wear the boxers."

"Alright bitch, don't get your panties in a bunch," Hidan said. I raised my eyebrow threateningly and grabbed the cleaver out from under Louis' pillow. I then pulled Itachi by his arm out of my way and threw my weapon at Hidan. It embedded itself in his arm.

"OUCH!" he shouted. He looked down to see the knife and looked towards me angrily. I pointed to Kisame who was now rolling around on the bed laughing. He went to throw it back at us after wrenching it from his arm but a look from Pein made him stop instantly.

I snickered before going to Brett's bathroom. I grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it around Hidan's arm when I returned to make sure he didn't bleed everywhere. I took the knife from him and returned it.

After a few minutes I got some bandages from the first aid kit and bandaged up the zealot, making sure he wasn't going to die. Not that he could.

"Okay, I'm going to take Kakuzu, Zetsu, and Kisame back to my room to get them clothes," I said. "Get dressed while I'm gone and then come back. Then we'll get everything straightened out." They all agreed and I left with the giants.

Konan opened the door when I knocked and I saw she had chosen one of the only not black or red shirts I had which happened to be blue and some of my sweat pants. I smiled at her and went to my closet. As soon as I reached it, the other ninjas had finished and were finding places to sit.

Those stupid ninjas and their fast dressing…

I threw open my closet door and paused, looking back at the occupants of my room. "Do not pay any attention to the things I'm throwing out of my closet in my search for clothing." I took the strange looks as them intending on judging me anyways and focused on the dark depths.

I began tossing everything I had stuffed into my closet which included my beloved Akatsuki blanket, my various anime posters, plushies of all of the Akatsuki and most other characters from a shit load of other anime. I ignored the laughter and the comments behind me.

"I think you have a fan, Itachi." Kisame snickered as I threw out _another_ Itachi item. I grabbed a Kisame plushie I just discovered and hit him in the face with it. I was greeted by what I assumed was a thankful and amused smirk from Itachi.

"I like sharks," I said into my closet. Hidan and Deidara chortled with laughter. "And terrorists." I added when I threw Deidara's contribution to my collection at him. "I'm not too fond of religious psycho murderers though." I tossed Hidan's look alike into the crowd.

Kakuzu snorted. "I like her." I beamed at him in response.

"Do you have one of these for everyone, un?" asked Deidara.

"But of course! I have an obsession, don't judge me." I replied. "AHA!" I stood up, dragging a box out of my closet. I paused and looked over the other occupants of my room. "Does anyone want to help me open the box of goodies? Tape hates me and doesn't like to cooperate. I'll make you food."

"**That depends, **what's in the box?" Zetsu asked, staring at the cardboard rectangular prism of wonder.

"Well, clothes for Kisame and Kakuzu, and possibly potential underwear and pants for you if you want it," I said. I watched Kisame walk over to the box and rip it open with ease. "See, if I would have tried doing that, I would be bleeding everywhere and it would have taken about six hours." Sasori laughed at me.

I dug in the box and grabbed three pairs of massive shorts. "My friend Jason, who was about as big as Kisame let these behind after he died. I'm not entirely sure why I still have them." I admitted. I threw the shorts to Kisame, Kakuzu, and Zetsu. "Use these as pants or boxers if you want to, I don't care either way."

"How did he die?" Pein asked. I was surprised he was even remotely curious.

"I killed him." I replied casually. I watched them all gawk at me like I was serious for a moment before laughing loudly at the shock in their expressions. "I'm joking. He died in a car wreck like three years ago. I'm not a murder like some people." I looked at each one of them meaningfully.

"There's nothing wrong with a little killing," Hidan said dismissively. I sighed, and opted out of commenting.

"What's a car?" Sasori asked.

I hummed thoughtfully. "Well, it's a method of transportation for people here in my world. You know what a train is, I'm sure."

They all nodded.

"Think of a car as a mini, less-noisy train," I said. "They're not really similar at all, but the purpose is the same." I threw shirts and pants at Kisame and Kakuzu. "What do you want to eat, Kisame? I'll make it later after we attack the mall."

"I don't know, what do you people eat in this world?" he asked.

What did he _think_ we ate?

On second thought, I don't want to know.

I sighed. "Shrimp and crab are your favorite right?" He looked creeped out that I knew what his favorite foods were but he nodded all the same. Thank you Naruto wiki and Data books. "I have shrimp here so I can make that for you. And since you're all being good, I'll make stuff for you too. Kisame gets spoiled though because he's helpful."

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said loudly, popping up next to me. I had been waiting for him to do that since I found out he was here.

"Yes Tobi, you're a very good boy." I nodded and patted his head. "I'll give you candy if you promise to remain being a good boy. You can't annoy the others though. Deal?"

"Tobi likes Alice-chan," Tobi said before hugging me. Though, it was more like crushing me as he applied a little too much force.

"Too much love." I gasped as the air was crushed out of me. He let go, and I resumed my normal breathing pattern after a moment of hacking. I sighed once I was certain I wasn't going to die, and I went to my computer chair. I sat on it, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I then rested my chin on my knees.

"So what now?" Itachi asked.

"Well, now we decide what the hell we're going to do," I said simply. "I have ten badass criminals in my house, nine of which are incredibly fuckable and one is extremely gorgeous." I added the last part for Konan considering I had no intention or desire to get freaky with her. She smiled when I flashed a wink at her. "And I honestly have no clue what to do with you."

"What do you mean?" Pein asked, eyeing me as if I was plotting against them.

I lifted my chin off of my knees and waved away his suspicions. "Obviously I'm going to keep you guys. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something bad happened to you. However, I'm going to have to make sure I have enough food to keep you all alive, I have to get you clothes and other necessities. I have to somehow explain this to Brett and Louis, and Kathryn when she comes over." I closed my eyes and sighed. "Thank god Brett and Louis are loaded. I should have enough money to not have to rely on them but I don't want to use all of my funds."

I froze as something clicked. "Oh, my Jashin. I have ten criminals, murderers in my bedroom. But wait!" I looked up and saw Itachi gazing at me from the egg chair he slept in as a kitty. "Ah, that gorgeous face makes everything bearable." I smiled to myself and tuned out the snickering from the ninja in my room.

I had Itachi _freaking_ Uchiha in my bedroom. I wasn't about to start complaining. I also had eight other really bangable males in my bedroom now as well. There was a God, and he did love me. A lot.

I jumped when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and noticed Kathryn had texted me.

_Hey hoe, how are you holding up?_

I quickly responded. _As soon as you get home, can you come over? I'm lonely already and I need some Kathryn attention._ I wasn't really lonely but I needed _someone_ to enjoy this with me and she was my best friend.

"What is that thing?" Sasori asked from where he was sitting on my bed.

I looked up after I sent the message. "It's called a cell phone. It's a way people in my world talk to each other over long distances. I can call or message someone whenever I want and it only takes a few minutes to get to them." I shrugged. "It's quite convenient."

I turned my attention to Kakuzu as something returned to my memory. "You slept in my lap last night." I heard Hidan snort. "Please tell me you weren't being perverted."

"You were comfortable," Kakuzu said, unembarrassed.

"Fair enough," I replied before jumping up as I remembered something else. "You guys have excellent timing!"

"Is that sarcasm, un?" Deidara asked skeptically.

"No, I'm being serious. There's a massive sale at the mall today. It lasts all weekend. I'll be saving a lot of money by getting you your things today." I darted over to my dresser and grabbed a pair of socks and shoes. I gave them to Konan. "Here, these should fit you."

"Thank you," she said, almost uncertainly.

"Welcome," I said before I turned to look at Kakuzu and Kisame. "Go to the bathroom and change while I get you guys shoes." They all stared at me, confused as to why I was suddenly moving around so much, so fast.

"Where are we going again?" asked Pein.

I stopped in the doorway to look back at him. "It's a very large public building full of stupid people and hormonal teenagers." I shifted my attention to the giant plant-man in the corner of my room. "Zetsu, I don't think you'll fit in to well at the mall with your plant thing, you don't mind not going, do you? I mean you can if you want, but you need to ditch the whole flytrap getup."

"No, **why would I want to go**?" he asked.

"That makes two of us, dude. The mall sucks." Or should I have said three? I turned to Tobi. "Sorry Tobi, but you can't go either with that mask of yours. It's not normal for people to wear masks into public places in my world unless it's like Halloween. But it's not."

"Tobi doesn't want to take off his mask," Tobi said in a panic, pulling on my sleeve.

"Alright then, will you not bother Zetsu while we're gone?" I turned to Zetsu. "Feel free to eat him if he makes a mess of my house." He gave me a creepy smile.

"Remind me again why we all have to fucking go," Hidan said in a grumpy tone from the corner of the bed.

"Kakuzu, do you think he would look good in a pink or purple dress?" I asked, looking at Kakuzu after directing a murderous glare at Hidan.

"Purple," Kakuzu replied with an amused smirk.

"Point taken," Hidan said with a sigh.

I patted his head as I passed him. "Good boy. Now sit here and look beautiful for a minute, I have to get shoes." I left without waiting for a reply and hurried to Brett and Louis' room. I dug around in their closet and found seven pairs of shoes for the guys. I mentally thanked Brett and Louis for being obsessed with shoes and for having big feet.

Dirty thoughts.

After getting socks I went back to my room and let the guys fight over which shoes they wanted. I found my set of keys for the Hummer and addressed the now fully clothed and shoed Akatsuki members.

"The rules are: Number one: No killing people. Number two: No sacrificing people," I pointed at Hidan. "Number three: No stealing money," Kakuzu received a finger in his direction. "No Ninjutsu or Genjutsu." I glared at Itachi, Pein, Konan, and Kisame. "There will be no bombing anything and no making others puppets. Do absolutely not leave this house without my permission." My gaze drifted over the puppeteer and the terrorist. "Just be good okay?"

"Why?" Hidan asked.

"Because when you showed up in a box on my doorstep, you officially became my property," I replied. "And that means you all are essentially my slaves and must obey my every command."

They all just stared at me.

"Okay. Apparently jokes don't register very well with you guys. Kids these days," I said, sighing. "The rules are to avoid any unwanted attention from other people and slash or authorities. Killing people is illegal. Stealing things is illegal. And destroying things that do not belong to you is also illegal. All of the aforementioned things are also very mean and frowned upon in most societies."

They continued to stare at me as if I was speaking in a different language.

"Ah. Right. Criminals and murderers. Silly me," I said, with a nod. "Pein-sama, be a dear and make them agree or I'll throw you out on the streets."

"Do as she says," Pein said calmly. The group said words of obedience before following me as I instructed.

"Zetsu, Tobi, make sure you do _not_ answer the door for anyone unless it is us," I said firmly, wagging my finger like a bossy mother. "And for those venturing to the mall, if a girl starts hitting on you, simply threaten her or tell her you belong to me."

"Kay!" Tobi replied loudly.

"I'll be sure to get you guys presents." I looked at Tobi in particular. "Will candy be acceptable, Tobi?" I was answered with an eager response as I shooed out the other members. I raised my eyebrow at him when he was the only one looking at me. "Is candy okay?" I mouthed at him. I saw his head bob once and I smiled at him before locking the door.

* * *

_Bahhhhh_

_So Tobi's Obito in this version because, well, I love Obito even if he is an overemotional asshole. Regardless, he's gonna be in the club. As for evil Zetsu... He won't be in this story but I'll have to see if I decide to rewrite the other installments._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ Whales have wax in their head that they freeze and melt to change what depth they are in the water like a submarine._

Answer: _Clans... Probably one of three: Nara- I am the laziest fucking bastard you will meet but I am very smart. Inuzuka- Uh, I think we all know how much I love dogs. And I have an awesome sense of smell. Uchiha- Uchiha tend to be really emotional and they either bottle it up or they let it loose. I'm more for the bottled up half. I'm actually very confident in myself, which most Uchiha are. Uchiha seems to be rather, standoffish and blunt which are some of my more defining features. And they are, as we all know, very protective of their siblings and friends. I would kill for my brother and my friends. This could also be attributed to Hatake but we don't really have that much info on anyone except for Kakashi and Sakumo. So yeah, Nara, Inuzuka, or Uchiha/Hatake._

**QotC:** _Alright. The fateful question: Naruto OTPs, OT3s, BroTPs, NOTPs, etc? Give me your top OTP and/or one for each of the aforementioned categories. M/M, M/F, F/F, etc. I don't care._

_The new Naruto game is AWESOME. I heavily recommend it._

_They have this new feature where, depending on the characters you're using, you can do these little tag-team attacks. And they're so fucking cute. I can't handle it. The one for Itachi and Sasuke makes my heart hurt. And then the one for Madara and Hashirama. Ugh. I can't do it._

_But yeah. Before I go on a giant rant._

_Less than three all of you._

_Toodles~_


	8. Chapter 8

_Ugh. Three nieces now. My sister just popped out another child._

_Boo._

_Revamped and improved chapter. There are probably still a bunch of errors and stuff but I don't care!_

_Enjoy, babies._

* * *

I led the troops to the vehicle, and I unlocked it with the super clicker once we were close before telling them to get in. They all looked at my Hummer with slight fear in their eyes so I grabbed Konan and led her to the passenger seat. They watched me as I opened the door and helped her in. I then showed them how to buckle the seat belt.

They still appeared reluctant to get anywhere near my car.

"It's not going to eat you so get in," I said with a laugh.

After a few sighs, laughs, and Hidan's bloody nose, they were all safely in the Hummer and I was pulling away from the little condo I dwelled in.

"Hidan, please don't bleed on the seats. I don't want Louis to lock me in the dryer again," I said. Most of the more emotional members raised their eyebrows at my past punishment.

"Again?" Sasori asked.

I glanced back at him and sighed. "I got into a fight with one of our friends once and busted four of his teeth out and broke his nose. Then I put him in the car and drove him to the hospital and he bled everywhere. Louis was mad our friend tried to fight me but he was also mad about me getting blood all over his car so he locked me in the dryer for like three hours."

"You are very strange people," Kakuzu said.

"Yeah," I said. "I know. Now keep your immortal pet from getting his blood on the seats."

"You shouldn't have fuckin punched me then," he said coldly, making sure not to bleed on the seats anyways.

"Well you shouldn't have second based me," I replied, looking back at him in the rearview mirror.

"I just grabbed your fucking tit." Hidan grumbled under his breath while Kakuzu shook his head at his partner's idiocy. "That's what you fucking get for sticking it in my face."

"In my world, we call it someone second basing or in your case: attempted pedophilia," I said. "You choose. Do it again, and I'll cut your penis off. It's not my fault you don't know how to put on a fucking seatbelt, moron."

"Fine." I could feel him scowling at the back of my head.

"How old are you, exactly?" Konan asked.

I glanced at her. "I'm sixteen. Legal age here in the states is eighteen. Well, technically sixteen is the age of consent but I haven't consented to shit."

"You're only a few years younger than me, yeah," Deidara said.

I nodded. "Yeah, I know." I sighed. "Alright kiddies, remember: don't talk to strangers, look both ways and hold hands before and while crossing the street. Also, don't kill anyone." I shook my head at my own antics. "I'm babysitting and I'm not even getting paid."

"Before we left, you said something about people hitting on us?" Sasori asked. "What exactly did you mean?"

"Well some girls in our world know sexy guys when they see them," I said. "If you tell them I own you or if you threaten them well enough, they'll leave you alone." I glanced at Konan. "Same goes for guys though you can break their face if you want. I give you permission."

She laughed lightly at that.

"How come Konan gets special privileges, un?" Deidara asked, frowning at me.

"Well that's because she's my favorite female character in the show and I like her better than you as a person." I directed a smile at him through the rearview mirror. He glared at me. "Deal with it Blondie." Sasori chuckled at my sarcasm which, apparently, his partner missed.

"What would telling them you own us do anyways?" Kisame asked, getting me back on topic. He leaned forward in his seat to rest his chin on my chair.

"I'll fight them," I said calmly. "I can't risk you killing them on accident or on purpose because you're all super badass ninjas, but I can fight them and not have to worry about it." I pulled into the mall parking lot. Since I lived in the middle of civilization the mall was only like ten minutes away in massive traffic like there always was.

Fucking construction.

Itachi was the first one out of the car when I parked and shut it off. He seemed very eager to get out of such a cramped space. I wrote it off as just his personality and ninja habits.

"Jashin you move fast." I said looking at Itachi as I dropped down from the driver's seat.

"Hn." He stared at me, giving me a small, Uchiha version of a smirk.

That means the only smirky part about his expression was the amusement in his eyes and the tiniest lift of the corners of his lips.

Not really a smirk but still adorable as fuck.

"So? What are we getting?" Pein asked as he got out of the car and shut the door behind him. Kakuzu, Konan and Hidan came around from the other side as Kisame towered over me from behind and Itachi stood silently beside me.

"Clothes first off; I can get food when we need it." I went through a mental checklist. "I'll probably get some little things for myself and I'm willing to buy you all something if you behave." My tone was akin to a mother of badly behaved children.

"Define _behave_," Hidan said while looking towards the massive building beyond that was the mall. I could practically see the mischief in his expression. I rolled my eyes at him before turning around and heading towards the store.

Once inside the building, I led them to various clothing stores and let them pick different things, limiting them to five shirts and six pants. Shoes weren't necessary so they didn't get any.

We passed by a Victoria's Secret and I had to drag Hidan away from the store by his ear when he insisted on going in. I had to make sure Konan didn't want to partake in their clothing first since she seemed to be slightly interested. She quickly declined.

Thank Jashin. I hate that place.

We approached Borders and I led them inside, assuming some of the more intelligent murderers might want a book or something. Itachi browsed the aisles with interest with Pein and they looked around, searching for something that caught their eye. Konan found some origami books and was leafing through them intently.

I followed Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, and Deidara around, making sure they weren't doing anything bad. I had instructed Sasori to keep Itachi, Pein, and Konan in his sights. He assured me that he wasn't going to act like an idiot, and for some reason, I trusted him.

Probably shouldn't, but he seemed somewhat mature and I wasn't really worried about Itachi and the Leaders doing anything too bad.

I noticed Kisame looking at the different manga curiously before reaching out to grab one. My eyes widened as I realized that was the most recent release of the same show he was from. It was the one where Naruto and the allied forces faced Madara.

"Kisame, step away from the balance breaker," I said, slapping his hand. "Bad shark boy! Bad!" He looked at me like a kicked puppy. "Sorry but I think that will be a bit too much information for you, young man."

"What do you mean?" he asked. I shook my head and assured him that if he read it, he would turn pink and be sexually assaulted by scaly pandas. His eyes widened at me but he heeded my warning. I sighed internally with relief.

"Do they have any fucking porn in this place?" Hidan asked, a little too loudly for a _book _store.

I slapped my forehead, sighing.

"I'm not sure exactly, but please keep the cursing to a minimum and lower your voice or else we'll get kicked out," I said. "I'll make you ribs for dinner tomorrow."

He looked at me, considering my offer before shrugging, giving in. When he turned around, I felt a presence behind me and jumped in fright when Itachi appeared behind me and tapped my shoulder.

"Holy shit!" I yelped and turned around to look at him. "Warn a person would you?" He just stared at me. "Did you need something or did you just want to give me a heart attack."

"I think we are done looking for books," he said stoically. I saw he had two chosen. Pein and Konan stood behind him, each with one in their hands. Sasori stood beside Deidara, his arms crossed as he watched us all calmly.

"Oh, alright." I gestured for the books and they surrendered them to me. I bought them with my Borders card. I was a regular and I got special discounts for coming here almost every day. I spent my time here while Louis was at his classes and Brett worked.

I added another bag to my arm before leaving the book store with my cats behind me.

"Where to now, guys?" I asked, looking back at them. "Anywhere in particular you want to check out?" I had seen Hidan, Deidara, and Kisame eyeing Spencer's when we passed it earlier. When I asked, they confirmed their desire to go look.

"Alice!" I looked around when someone shouted my name. I instantly regretted it. One of my, for lack of a better word, "friends" that I had met through Brett and Louis jogged over to me. I raised my eyebrows at him as he approached, oblivious to the eight people glaring at him.

"What do you want, Adam?" I asked in annoyance. I was no longer on good terms with this guy but I was decent enough to be civilized around him. He was my ex from two years of dating. We broke up under very rough circumstances.

Apparently, however, he was still hooked on me.

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd have gone with Brett and Louis." he asked, looking down at me. He was almost as big as Kakuzu so he towered over me. Thankfully, he wasn't a badass ninja with chakra or else I'd have literally lost my head long ago.

"No, I'm home while they're gone," I said. "We got cats a few days ago and I have to take care of them." I didn't add that eight of those cats were behind me staring at him.

Telling him they were actually ninjas in disguise probably would have gotten me a one-way ticket to a loony bin.

Adam tilted his head to the side and raised his eyebrows. "You can bring them over to my place and stay with me. I've got plenty of room. I don't want you to be in that house all alone for god knows how long."

"The fuck is this guy?" Hidan asked from behind me. "Can I kill him?" I shot a look at Hidan before turning back to the walking time bomb.

"No thanks," I replied coldly. "Now go away." I went to turn around but was stopped. Adam had grabbed my arm and was holding me in place. "Let go dick-face."

"Don't act like that," he told me, staring at me with a seemingly flat expression. I knew that face. It meant he was actually very annoyed but he was trying to look calm and unaffected by my choice of nicknames. Adam had a very short temper that was, ultimately, the cause of our ended relationship.

"Adam, get off," I said firmly. "I'm not putting up with your shit. I'm stressed out today so get off or I'll shove my foot so far up your ass you'll be walking around bowlegged for a month." I obviously forgot threatening someone twice my size with a short temper is illogical.

He tightened his grip and I winced, feeling the bruise from his hand already forming around my wrist. Thankfully, I brought my kitties. Itachi was suddenly standing in between us and Adam's grip was broken when Kisame ripped me away from him.

Ah, I think I'm in love.

Fuck, these ninjas are sexy.

"What do you want?" Adam asked, returning Itachi's sexy glare quite easily.

Itachi didn't even blink. "She told you to let her go."

"Who are you supposed to be? Her boyfriend?" Adam scoffed as if anyone _could_ or _would_ be my boyfriend. I sighed and shook my head at his cocky behavior considering he had filled that very position a few months prior.

"She's with me," Itachi said coldly in that drool inducing voice of his.

On cue, I drooled. He was the reason I had become interested in the Akatsuki and now I was hooked. Ah, such a beautiful Uchiha.

He glared past Itachi at me. "You're with this guy? His hair is almost as long as yours." He shook his head. "You downgraded since you went out with me."

"I disagree," I said, holding up my index finger. "He's _so_ much hotter than you. That, and he's got a great personality whereas you're just an asshole."

"Oh really?" Adam asked, his voice threatening.

"Indeed." I nodded in confirmation. "Now go away, you're an embarrassment to society." I looked at Itachi. "Come on, sexy. I've got to buy some candy for Tobi." He raised his eyebrow at me, his eyes flicking to Adam questioningly. "He's a waste of time and I don't want your intelligence level to drop from being around him for too long." I turned away from the nightmare and led my guests to Spencer's.

Adam glared at me. "You're going to regret this, Alice."

"I already do. Stopping to talk to you was a mistake," I said over my shoulder as we walked towards the prank store. He made to follow after me so I stopped and turned to face him. "Leave me alone Adam or I'll get a restraining order on your ass. If you keep harassing me, you can take it up with these guys. They have a lot of pent up energy and I'm pretty sure my silver haired friend here would like a chance to kill you." I patted Hidan's shoulder.

"That little pussy couldn't put a scratch on me," Adam replied, scoffing. I made sure to stop Hidan from proving him wrong as he made to do so.

"Hidan, don't." I lowered my voice so only the Jashinist could hear me. "I'll let you kick his ass if he bothers us again but don't do it right now."

Hidan raised his eyebrows at me. "Are you serious?"

"I'm as serious as a heart attack," I replied, glancing at Kakuzu when he popped into my head. "Now enter the prank store and let us get your gift shall we?" He shrugged, taking my word for it and entered the store without a fight. I turned away from Adam and followed Hidan, leading the rest of my cats inside. "You're such a good boy Hidan."

Kakuzu gave me a questioning and disgusted look. "You're messed up, girl."

"It's Alice," I said with an exasperated sigh. "And I don't know how you don't love him," I looked at Hidan, "and vice versa." I patted Kakuzu's arm.

"He's an idiot," Kakuzu replied in a deadpan tone.

"He's a jackass." Hidan said at the same time.

I shrugged, indifferent to their opinions. "Well I love you both." I pointed towards the interior of the store. "Now go and blow your minds with goodies!" I shooed them further into the store before going to Itachi and Kisame who were looking at bumper stickers.

Itachi looked around at me when I joined them and he dipped his head at me in acknowledgment. Kisame smirked at me and pointed to one of the stickers that said something along the lines of "Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole." I had to laugh at that.

"Thanks for before guys," I said after I finished laughing. "I appreciate it."

Kisame patted my head. "Don't sweat it, Alice." I noted he was the first to use my name other than Tobi. I had always loved Kisame. He was my second favorite character in the entire Naruto series along with Kakashi.

Itachi was first.

"Honestly, thank you. I shouldn't have gotten you involved, though. Sorry," I said.

Itachi looked at me with his deep, black eyes and part of me was thankful he didn't have his Sharingan engaged. "It would have been rude to not help you," he said. "You are our caretaker after all." He gestured in the direction of the others. "If I hadn't stepped forward, I'm pretty sure the others certainly would have."

"So you're telling me that Kakuzu, the guy who cares for nothing other than his money, would have stepped in to help me, a person you barely know, avoid getting hit by some guy?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Well, maybe not Kakuzu," Kisame said, grinning. "But everyone else would have, yeah."

"How on earth did you guys become murderers and criminals?" I asked rhetorically. Kisame snickered and patted my head again before going over to join Deidara by the fireworks.

Figures he would be near things that explode.

Itachi glanced at me. "So, how much _do _you know about us and our world?"

I glanced at him. "I know _everything_." I lowered my voice. "I know about your situation, your clan, your relationship with your brother, your reasons for said relationship and situation, and well, basically all of your stats. I know _everything_, Itachi."

He gave me a strange look. I wasn't sure if the look he gave me said he was impressed and shocked, or slightly peeved that someone knew about his deepest secret.

"How?" he asked.

"Well you _are_ my favorite," I replied. He smirked at that ever so slightly. "Even before I found out about the details behind the massacre you had were my favorite character from the moment I saw you with Kisame. Next would have to be Kakashi until I got to know Kisame a little more, now they're tied for second."

"Why?" he asked with one of his super one-worded responses.

Fucking Uchiha.

"You're hot, I love your attitude, and the Sharingan is probably the most badass thing in the entire world," I said while looking around him. "There's a boat load of other reasons for my obsession with you but I'll tell you about those in a minute after I kill Deidara for having highly dangerous, combustible things next to the lighters while Kakuzu plays with one."

I hurried around him to go beat Deidara and Kakuzu. I smacked Deidara on the back of his head while punching Kakuzu's arm. "Bad murderers!" I snatched the fireworks from Deidara and the lighter from Kakuzu. "Don't put fire so close to things that explode. I know you love to make things go boom but do it outside."

Also, just so you know: punching Kakuzu is a very bad idea.

Not only is he extremely muscular and thick-skinned so it's like punching a brick wall, but he's also so sturdy and tough that he doesn't even fucking feel it.

The giant, sexy bastard.

"Why not, yeah?" the blond asked with an extremely adorable, innocent face. I melted internally but kept up my scolding demeanor.

"If this exploded while inside that would mean you broke one of my rules, whereas, I'd have to slit your throat and kick you all out onto the streets to fend for yourselves," I said. "And Alice doesn't want to do that because Alice loves you."

"Why are you taking like Tobi, un?" Deidara practically glared at me for speaking in third person while Kakuzu muttered something about me being crazy.

"It's more effective," I replied absently, returning the dangerous toys to their proper displays. "Now pick something out so we can leave. I'm going blind with the lack of light."

Seriously, the Spencer's in my mall is like a pit of doom.

Deidara pointed at the fireworks. "I want those, yeah." He grabbed another lighter and promptly placed in my hands. "And that."

I nodded, expecting as much. "Silly little pyro." He grinned at me cockily and part of me wanted to punch him in the face while the other part of me wanted to take off his clothes. "What do you want Kakuzu?" I asked, looking at the very large stitched man before me and pushing away the perverted thoughts about Deidara.

Speaking of perverted thoughts and people that needed less clothing...

_Hello_, Kakuzu.

Kakuzu shrugged. "Nothing in particular, this world has nothing of value to me."

"Just give him money," Sasori said, appearing at my shoulder like the ninja he is. I gasped in shock and jumped at his sudden arrival, causing him to chuckle at my expense.

"Stupid ninjas," I said to myself.

"Hey, Alice, will you wear this if I get it?" Hidan asked, scurrying over to me. I saw him holding onto one of the many lewd clothing items they have here for women.

I stared at him for almost a full minute, successfully creeping him out with my glare. "Put it back," I said. He pouted but didn't challenge me. Apparently my irritated stare got the point across. "Get something appropriate please." I added as he went to return the sad excuse for clothing.

He returned about a minute later with two or three prank things. "That's much better Hidan," I said with approval, patting his slicked back silver hair. "I'll take those." I saw Kisame standing beside Itachi now, his hands in the pockets of the borrowed pants. He said he didn't want anything when I asked him so I shrugged and went to the counter to buy the goods.

Luckily I know everyone that lives in the area or else I wouldn't have been able to buy these things. I was only 16 and in Ohio, you need to have a license to have get fireworks and I didn't have one of those. Brett did though but his license would do me little good while he was in Canada and I was in Ohio. The guy working at the register lived next door to me until I was thirteen so he rang up the goodies without question.

"Bye Alice," he said to me after I thanked him and made my way towards the exit. I waved goodbye at him and left with my purchases in my grasp and my hobos in tow.

"So, do you like know everyone?" Kisame asked me. I knew at least one worker in every store we had been to so far.

I nodded. "Pretty much, yeah." I stepped over a forgotten bottle of water lying near a trash can. "If you've lived around here your entire life and you're a member of my family, you eventually become at least acquaintances with everyone you're not related to." I sighed. "I'm known by everyone in the city by my first name and everyone in the area around it by my last."

"That sounds annoying," Kakuzu said.

"You have no idea," I replied. I led them to the exit and from there, back to the Hummer. I stowed the bags into the trunk before climbing in after doing a head count. Making sure I had all five idiots and three good kids I turned the vehicle on and drove away.

"By the way guys, I'm sorry you had to get dragged into my personal problems," I said, focusing on the road. "It wasn't fair of me to allow that." Drama usually isn't my thing.

"Don't worry about it kiddo." Kisame said with a sharp-toothed grin. "We don't mind."

Konan looked at me from the back seat. Pein now sat in the front with me since he was the Leader and as Leader, he got to be _at least_ the copilot.

"Who was he?" Konan asked.

I sighed. "He _was_ my boyfriend." I shook my head. "We broke up last year."

"What did you hit it and quit it?" Hidan asked with a perverse grin.

I glanced at him in the mirror. "No, actually, I dated him for two years."

"So why break it off, un?" Deidara asked. He was sitting in the very back with Hidan, Sasori, and Kakuzu.

I frowned at his question. "Well after he broke my jaw, I wasn't going to just sit there and take it." I sighed. "Though I might not look it, I'm actually a very nice and forgiving person. I forgave him a lot over the two years because I'm an idiot but I think his last punch knocked some sense into me."

"To be honest, you don't seem like the kind of girl that would condone that sort of behavior," Pein said dully from beside me.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. "Well, if I love someone, I'm willing to go through anything."

Hidan crossed his arms. "So if I hit you, would you forgive me?"

I laughed. "After I was through stabbing you a few times as compensation, yes I would forgive you."

"Did you stab that fucker?" Hidan's eyebrows rose curiously.

"I wanted to and I considered it," I replied. "But Adam isn't immortal. And Louis did break all but two of his ribs and snapped his arm for me so I didn't really have to. I have very violent friends." I was shocked by the truth of my words. I _did_ have very violent friends. The eight people sitting in the car with me were proof enough for that.

"That guy is nuts," Kakuzu said.

I agreed with his assessment of Louis' personality so I told him so. "Yes, Kakuzu, he is nuts. But, he's a sweetheart when he doesn't want to kill you." I smiled. "His favorite characters are you and Hidan because you're both crazy like he is."

"I'm not gay," Hidan said.

"I never said you were, Hidan," I replied.

I drove the rest of the way home silently, listening to them bicker amongst themselves. Pein, sitting in the passenger seat beside me, was pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance as the more rowdy Akatsuki members acted like idiots. Konan and Itachi remained silent while Sasori and Kakuzu only added sarcastic comments when necessary.

Hidan, Deidara, and Kisame had started arguing about why they weren't cats anymore and the conversation eventually morphed into which one of them was going to get to sleep in my bed with me at night.

Itachi chuckled slightly at my disturbed look that had been dominating my expression since the strange turn in conversation. To be honest, I really didn't care which one slept where but it was still awkward to hear them discuss it.

Of course, Konan and Pein obviously got first dibs being the leaders, and I would make sure Itachi and Kisame were comfortable before moving on to the others.

Yeah. I played favorites. Sue me.

I jumped slightly when the ringtone for my cell phone sounded throughout the car. I grabbed it to see who it was. I almost died when I saw it was Kathryn. I glared at the people in the back who were now silent in confusion. Thank god we were at a stoplight.

"Make a sound and I swear you will be missing something very precious as soon as you fall asleep," I turned my attention to Sasori. "I'll just set you on fire." They all nodded at my death glare and I opened my phone.

"Hello, Kathryn." I said in a completely different tone. I heard Hidan mutter something about me being bipolar before he was elbowed in the gut by Deidara.

_"Hi Alice, what's up?"_ she asked.

"I'm on my way back from the mall." I mouthed thanks at Deidara who gave me a smirk in response. I winked at him in the rearview mirror which earned me snorts of laughter and many chuckles. Why, I'm not entirely sure.

"_Oh, did you get anything good?_" she asked. I told her I did and she went on. _"So while we're up here, my mom wants to visit my uncle. So I won't get home until really late. I'll come over first thing tomorrow okay?"_

I nodded, mostly to myself since she couldn't see me. "That works just fine." I pulled into the parking lot that led to my condo. "Just call me before you come over."

_"I will. Are you okay, you sound strange?"_ she asked. Leave it to Kathryn to notice my voice changing even in the slightest.

"I'm just focusing on driving," I replied. That was half of the problem. "I'll see you tomorrow okay? I've got to drag everything inside." We quickly said our goodbyes and made promises to see each other tomorrow as I pulled into my spot.

As soon as I put it in park, the ninja were already dispersing. They stood by the trunk, knowing that was my destination after I shut off the Hummer and locked the doors. I popped the trunk and loaded my arms with the bags.

When we got to the door after having Kisame shut the trunk I remembered I had locked the door and my key was in my pocket. I swore. "Okay, who wants to help me out here?"

They all looked at me curiously so I went on. "My key to the house is in my back pocket. Someone other than Hidan, please get it and unlock the door so we can go inside."

"Why fucking not me?" Hidan asked.

I glanced at him. "Because you're a pervert." I sighed when no one moved. "Will someone grow a pair and get my key? I'm not going to hit you or anything, just get it."

Itachi stepped forward bravely and went behind me to retrieve the key. "Which pocket?" he asked. I told him it was my butt pocket and he quickly fished the key out. He looked at me for instructions on what to do next.

"It's the gold key. Use it to unlock the door," I said. "Thanks by the way. It seems you're the only one with balls out here." I saw him smirk when the others protested loudly. Needless to say the loudest protest was Hidan's.

Itachi swiftly unlocked the door and pushed it open wide enough for me to go in first with my burden. He followed in after me and the rest brought up the rear. Pein, the last one in, shut the door and locked it at my polite request.

I put the bags on the floor of the living room and thanked Itachi when he gave me my keys back. "Zetsu, Tobi, come here please," I said, raising my voice so it would carry through the condo, curious as to where my kitties were. I was surprised my home was still in one piece. I mentally thanked Jashin for that.

Zetsu emerged from the kitchen while Tobi skipped down the stairs. He tackle hugged me onto the couch. I had to smile at Tobi; I was so used to Brett that his behavior didn't annoy me in the slightest. I was a pro at dealing with people like him.

"Hi, Tobi, were you a good boy while we were gone?" I asked, patting his head after returning the hug.

"Tobi is a good boy!" he replied in a chipper tone. He hopped off me and sat on the cushion beside me. "Tobi didn't break anything." I looked to Zetsu for a confirmation.

"He behaved. **You must have drugged him with that cat food. **Tobi is never that good," Zetsu said. I just shrugged and dug around in the bags for their presents. I had gotten Tobi a large bag of candy and a bag off-brand pixie sticks.

"I just know how to handle him," I said dismissively. "Tobi is very much like Brett in personality and I trained him just fine." I looked to Tobi. "Now Tobi, you can have a little bit now as a reward and if you keep being a good boy, I'll give you more."

He bounced up and down in his spot eagerly. I grabbed a generous handful of candy out of the bag and some pixie sticks. I plopped them into his awaiting hands before allowing him to skip away from me happily with his treasures.

"I got you a friend, Zetsu," I said to the plant-man. I carefully withdrew a cactus from a bag I had taken special care of and handed it to him. He thanked me, curious as to how I knew he liked cacti. I shrugged and told him it was just a lucky guess.

He's a fucking plant-man.

Why _wouldn't_ he like cacti?

I paused, looking up at Zetsu as something tugged at my attention. I smirked. "I've always wanted to ask you something, Zetsu." He looked at me with a raised eyebrow with the rest of the Akatsuki, minus Tobi since he was inhaling sugar at the moment.

I looked up and down the plant's person(s?) for a moment, my smirk turning mockingly seductive. "Are you black where it counts?" I raised my eyebrows suggestively, hoping he would pick up on what I was asking. The others obviously did because a chorus of laughter erupted from them.

Zetsu grinned after a moment of recovering from my question. "**If you want me to be**." His dark side said to me just as seductively.

I cackled for a good two minutes at his excellent response.

"Okay, so I got you a bigger coat if you want it," I said, still chortling. "Tobi, I got you clothes too." I grabbed a shirt I was particularly proud of from one of the bags. It was a black shirt that said "Bad Boy" on it in red letters. The eight members present when I bought it thought it was pretty amusing.

"Thank you Alice-chan!" Tobi replied from the recliner in the corner. He was much too enthralled in his candy to care about clothing.

I shrugged his dismissal off and addressed the others. "Well, go at it." I gestured to the bags. "Get what's yours while I start dinner." I got off the couch, my spot instantly being occupied by Kakuzu, and went to the kitchen to begin working on my newest chore.

I had just begun preparing Kisame's shrimp when said shark walked in with Itachi. Itachi took a seat at the table while Kisame snuck up behind me, going for one of the shrimp.

I swatted his hand away. "Keep your hands off the crustacean until I give them to you." He pouted so I had to give him one. That wiped the pout away instantly and replaced it with a happy smile that I had to return. I cursed myself for growing a soft spot for Kisame already.

He's too fucking cute for his own good.

Itachi smirked at me as Kisame sat at the table with him. "You're quite easily influenced." He told me with his sexy voice.

"I have a soft spot for blue things," I replied, sticking my tongue out at the Uchiha, flashing my tongue piercing. Kisame snickered at me, his sharp teeth on display as he smiled. "He has the cuteness factor going for him too."

"I already like it here," Kisame said, grinning. I patted his head good naturedly and opened the fridge to get some cabbage. I put it on a plate before giving it to Itachi.

"You're cute too," I said as I placed the plate before him. I winked at him and he smirked at me again. I returned to my cooking, making a various assortments of different, easy to eat food. I had to make sure it wasn't too complex for them and I didn't want it to be messy enough to allow a big mess if they decided to be slobs.

Kisame left when Kakuzu called for him to come back to the living room about fifteen minutes later, leaving me alone with Itachi. He engaged me in conversation while he watched me work and it flowed with surprising ease.

At the beginning, it started off with random questions. He was curious about this world and our customs, specifically what we did in terms of protection if we didn't have a Shinobi system like the Narutoverse.

Those questions soon shifted into more personal questions that were focused on me and my own opinions rather than the broad spectrum of cultures and nations. I returned all of his questions to learn his opinions on the same subjects and I was slightly surprised by how similar our sentiments were on many topics.

To be quite honest, Itachi and I had a lot in common. We both were genuinely nice people but we both put up a tough façade because of our surrounds and past. Both of us had people we would put before everything else and our devotion and loyalty to those people were the reason behind all of our actions.

Itachi had Sasuke and Konoha. I had Kathryn, Brett, and Louis. His cause was much more noble and selfless, but the drive was the same.

While we had our similarities, we also had quite a few differences as well.

I had a severely short temper and an intense hatred of people while Itachi had experience in seeing the absolute worst in people throughout his career as a ninja, but he still liked to give them the benefit of the doubt. He was polite, I was vulgar. He liked sweets and I hated them. He didn't mind children while it was difficult for me to even tolerate the idea of a kid in general.

We bickered about our opinions in a playful manner. And my adoration of the Uchiha grew with everything thing I learned about him that Naruto wiki couldn't teach me.

I eventually found myself sitting beside him, talking at the dinner table, waiting for some Ramen noodles to finish cooking when the alarm on the microwave sounded. I jumped up and began setting the table after finishing up.

"Oi! You murderers, get in here," I said loudly. I heard some shouts of joy from Hidan, Tobi, and Deidara who were the first ones in. Kakuzu and Kisame came in after them with Zetsu while Pein and Konan followed them in seconds later. Sasori came in last, lacking the need to eat. He just leaned against the doorframe and watched me finish setting the table.

"Okay, there are a lot of different foods here. Eat whatever you like," I said. "Do not make a mess of my kitchen or Sasori gets to do whatever he wants to you."

"You're so nice," said Sasori as I finished addressing the eaters. I smiled at him before I snuck over to Tobi and whispered in his ear.

"If you want to keep your face hidden from the others, you're more than welcome to eat somewhere else." I lowered my voice so no one but him could hear me. I saw Obito's Sharingan flash at me from beneath the mask but he nodded like the good boy he pretended to be and skipped out of the room with his food. I sighed and Itachi gave me a raised eyebrow, knowing what was up.

"What do you guys want to drink?" I asked, going to the glass cabinet. I took down nine plastic cups and set them in a line on the counter.

"What do you have?" Konan asked. I went to the fridge and look around.

"We have juice, pop, fruit punch, lemonade, and water. The juices include orange juice, apple juice, and grape juice. The pops include Coke, Pepsi, and Mountain Dew," I said. I was pretty sure they only knew what a few of those were. "I'll let you try them first if you want."

"I'll take anything," Hidan said. "Just grab whatever." Kakuzu voiced the same opinion. Kisame said he wanted Mountain Dew while Deidara said he wanted fruit punch. Konan and Pein asked for lemonade and Itachi wanted apple juice. Zetsu said he wanted orange juice.

I poured their drinks, giving Hidan and Kakuzu Coke since they were indecisive and distributed them to their new owners. Gladly no one disliked their chosen beverage. Hidan even demanded that I refill his glass at least six times before he finished eating.

I got Tobi some apple juice and took it out to him since he was eating in the living room. I announced where I was going to Sasori a little louder than necessary to make sure Tobi knew I was coming so he could hide his face.

He was staring in my direction when I came into the living room with his mask very much on. "I brought you some apple juice, Tobi." I set the glass on the table. "If you don't want that, there's a bunch of other drinks in there you can have."

"Thank you," Obito said in his non-Tobi voice. I could tell he wanted to know how much I knew about him. I just shook my head before putting some napkins down on the table beside him just in case.

I smiled at him. "Don't worry _Tobi_; your secret is safe with me." I beamed at him once more before returning to the kitchen. Sasori looked over his shoulder at me as I approached.

"Aren't you going to eat, kid?" Sasori asked when I stopped beside him to chat.

I shook my head. "No, I'm not hungry. I take it you're not eating either, Mr. Puppet?"

He raised his eyebrows. "You're right. But you haven't eaten since this morning."

"I don't eat very often. I'm usually never hungry," I said. "Low metabolism and all that."

"When is your strange friend coming back over?" he asked.

"She said she was coming over tomorrow morning because she's visiting family right now," I replied. "Why, miss her?"

"The brat does," he said, jerking his head at his blond partner. "He talks about her to anyone who will listen. He was kind of sad when she left. I think he liked being someone's favorite."

"That's very sweet of him," I said with a smile. Kathryn would be pleased to hear this when she was in the loop. Deidara is her favorite Akatsuki member, followed by Sasori and Itachi. "He was always her favorite; followed by you and Itachi."

"I see," Sasori replied. "I thought she seemed kind of dense. She _does_ have the brat as her favorite."

I laughed. "She's actually really smart. She just lacks common sense and she enjoys acting dingy. She's probably smarter than me in some cases when it comes to academics. I just happen to have wit, common sense, and sarcasm."

"Something I appreciate," Sasori said. "I now have someone intelligent to talk to that actually talks." He smirked at me when I snickered. "Itachi and Leader-sama don't talk very much."

"That's why I'm here, Danna," I replied with a wink.

"Oi! Alice, what's this?" Hidan asked. Apparently he had run out of Coke and went to get himself some when I wasn't to be found. While he was searching for a refill, he had discovered some of Louis' alcohol that I was sure not to mention we had.

"It's poison," I said quickly. "Louis keeps it around just in case someone breaks in." He raised his eyebrow at me but quickly put it away. I sighed with relief.

"What was it really?" Sasori asked me in an undertone, having noticed I was lying.

I glanced at him. "Alcohol."

He nodded in understanding and fell silent as everyone soon finished eating.

"Just leave your plates and stuff on the table; I'll clean everything up in a minute," I said. "You guys can go relax. Just don't go outside or break anything." I watched them all get up and depart from the kitchen before I cracked my fingers and set to work on tidying up.

* * *

_Yeah, I know. Ew. Fucking Adam is in this shit still. Don't worry. He's here for a reason. And shit will get fucking real later. (Don't expect it to be that cool. I'm not that inventive when it comes to fanfiction anymore.)_

_Like I ever was anyways..._

**_Fun Fact: _**_A crocodile can't move its tongue and cannot chew. Its digestive juices are so strong that it can digest a steel nail._

Answer: _Hmm... Naruto OTP: Probably KakashixYamato. It's literally the cutest thing ever. MadaraxHashirama is my shit. Also, Minato and Kushina because that shit's adorable. (And just a little KisaIta). Uh, BroTP? Gai and Kakashi, probs. NoTP: Uh, I don't really care for any NarutoXanyonebutSasuke or SasukeXanyonebutNaruto. So... yeah. OT3 is team seven or KakashiObitoRin. Also, the Ame babies (Nagato, Konan, and Yahiko)_

**QotC:** _Favorite Tokubetsu Jonin? (Special Jonin) That means like Anko, Tsume, Genma, Raido, Aoba, Ebisu, etc. (Not Kakashi, Gai, Asuma, etc.)_

_I wish you guys could see the sheer amount of red lines Google Chrome is putting in here under all these names, slang, and terminology. It's like a math test._

_This chapter is long as balls (in comparison to most of my chapters). And it's early as shit because I'm a nice fucking person._

_I'm tired as hell. Someone kill me._


	9. Chapter 9

_Holy shit. Today_ is_ Monday. I thought it was Sunday..._

_Whoopsie. Sorry, precious babies. I didn't forget you. I just forgot what day it was._

_This is what happens when you don't sleep. Among other things I won't mention._

_Anyways! Updated and revamped chapter!_

_Enjoy!_

* * *

I walked into the living room after I cleaned the kitchen and saw my guests positioned around the living room, doing their own things. Sasori and Deidara were bickering about art; Kakuzu was talking to Kisame about something ninja-related as Kisame munched on some of the shrimp I wanted to get rid of.

Konan and Pein were chatting quietly in the corner and Tobi was prattling about Zetsu's new plant that was named Kevin after Zetsu's kitten form. Itachi was reading one of the books he picked out from Borders in a corner, away from the louder members. Hidan was looking through the massive shelf of movies we had against the wall by the giant flat screen.

I walked over to him and sat on the ground beside him to look with him. He looked around at me when I sat beside him and grinned at me. I returned his smile politely and waited for him to do something.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked. There wasn't any hostility in the question or his tone. Rather, it was voiced exactly how someone would ask the question casually or comment on the weather.

I shrugged. "I'm seeing what you're doing."

He gestured at the movie shelf. "I want to know what the fuck these are."

"They're movies, silly," I replied. I skimmed through the ones in my sights before picking one out. It was Texas Chainsaw Massacre. "I think you would like this one. It's a horror film. The guy runs around killing everybody with a chainsaw."

"What in Jashin's name is a fucking chainsaw?" he asked. After I explained to him what exactly a chainsaw was and what it could do, he looked extremely interested.

He's so easily pleased, the dork.

I sighed after a minute of watching him pick through various other movies, before I left him to go through them on his own, promising him we would watch one soon. I went over to the desktop computer that was off to the side of the room and logged on to my name.

Deidara came over a few minutes later once he finished his argument with Sasori, to see what I was doing. He pulled up a spare chair and sat beside me. "What are you doing, un?"

I clicked onto the internet icon. "I'm just roaming around on the internet."

"What's the internet, yeah?" he asked.

"It's only the greatest invention in the world," I replied, as if it should have been obvious. "It's like a virtual library with everything in it." I smiled as an idea popped into my head. "For example." I went to YouTube and found a video labeled "The biggest and best explosions". I showed him and once the video was over, he was supporting a very pleased grin.

"I thought you would like that," I said. "There is a large variety of stuff on here." I laughed as I was struck with another idea. I quickly arranged some cords so I could use the flat screen as the monitor for the computer and soon got everyone's attention.

I showed them all kinds of different fan made videos. If it didn't expose secrets, I showed it. Caramelldansen was a crowd favorite. Mostly it was just me laughing my ass off at their reactions while they fumed but still.

I eventually got to the point where I decided to destroy the world. I showed the Akatsuki the 23rd episode of Naruto Abridged when Kisame and Itachi make their debut. I was already snorting with laughter as I clicked on the parody.

I hushed everyone and started the video. As soon as Kisame's voice erupted from the speakers, everyone except for him showed some sort of amusement. Smirks and chuckles came from the stoic ones while laughter rumbled from the rest. I had to bury my face in a pillow to keep from laughing too loudly.

Itachi and Kisame's glares intensified as the episode continued. I however only laughed even harder. When they showed Kisame's mustache during the flashback part, I about died. I swear I even saw Pein and Konan laughing at that.

When the episode ended, I clicked out of the video and tried to calm myself down. Itachi and Kisame both glared at me.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"Where are those people?" Kisame asked as Hidan and Deidara howled with laughter. "I'm going to kill them."

I laughed at his tone and expression. "You can't Kisame. They are a source of my entertainment." I patted Itachi. "It was just a little parody. There's no harm in it."

"Neither of us are that pathetic," Itachi said seriously.

"Oh whatever, you totally made fun of Kisame's voice in the video," I replied. "And Kisame made fun of your mustache when it came up. You both thought it was funny. Admit it."

"Never," Itachi said stubbornly. Damn that Uchiha and his sexy ways.

I opened my mouth to retort when I saw Deidara and Kisame both yawn hugely. I stuck my tongue out at the Uchiha before addressing all of the Akatsuki. "I think it's time for bed?"

They responded with nods and mutters of agreement. I dipped my head and stood. "Alright, I'm going to separate you in rooms according to your partners." I looked at Pein and Konan. "You two can sleep in Brett and Louis' bed. Kakuzu and Hidan will sleep on the floor. Actually, we have an air mattress they can use instead." I turned to face Sasori and Deidara. "You two can fight over who gets the bed in the spare bedroom. It'll only be you two because when Kathryn comes over, she gets the bed." Next, I addressed Tobi and Zetsu. "You two can sleep on the couches down here. They pull out into beds so I'll teach you how to do that in a minute."

I turned to my last two victims. "Kisame, Itachi, you guys get to bunk with me. Brett and Louis have like four air mattresses because people like to store their camping shit here because we're really close to the local camping grounds." I mentally thanked our friends for leaving their stuff here. "It's convenient so now everyone not sleeping on a bed doesn't have to sleep on the floor."

"You do realize I won't be sleeping," Sasori said.

I looked at him. "You can read Deidara good night stories and cuddle with him if he has any nightmares, then." He gave me a flat stare, and Deidara told me to shut up. "Are there any complaints on room arrangements?"

"I fucking have one," Hidan said loudly, raising his hand.

"Of course you do." I sighed and turned my head towards the Jashinist. "What is it Hidan?"

He pointed to Itachi. "How come the Uchiha gets to sleep in your room? Why can't me and Kakuzu?" He was rewarded with exasperated sighs from the others and me.

"You can't because you're a pervert," I replied. "Kakuzu can because he knows how to behave but since he's your partner and I'm OCD, he has to bunk with you. I'm putting _you_ with Pein because he will make sure you behave. I know, in the end, Kakuzu doesn't give a shit what you do as long as it doesn't annoy him or waste his money."

"Smart girl," Kakuzu said while Hidan scowled at me.

"Now let's get ready for bed," I said dismissively. I lead the troops up the stairs to show them around and set everything up for them.

Itachi and Kisame seemed extremely unconcerned by the fact that they were going to be sharing a bed. Hidan whined and Kakuzu muttered under his breath about how it was a perfect opportunity to smother his annoying nuisance of a partner.

Neither Pein nor Konan made a big deal out of their sleeping arrangement besides Konan threatening Hidan to keep his hands and eyes to himself of she would disassemble his body and use his remains to fertilize my neighbor's garden.

Zetsu and Tobi both seemed content to sleep on their separate sleeper-sofas though Tobi confessed he was a little sad that he didn't get to cuddle with Zetsu like Hidan-san got to cuddle with Kakuzu-san.

Hidan swore up a storm and would have tried to kill Kakuzu had the miser not foreseen Hidan's reaction and knocked his partner out without a second's hesitation.

I simply rolled my eyes at their antics and retreated to my room with Kisame and Itachi. I climbed into bed while they made themselves comfortable and soon the room fell silent as we all fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning in a very strange situation.

I was lying in my bed which was normal. However, what wasn't normal was when I went to move, I couldn't. My eyes instantly shot open and I looked around my room in a panic. I looked straight in front of me to see a very _sexy_ blue body that had very strong, muscular arms wrapped around me.

I followed the perfect chest up and saw Kisame sleeping peacefully next to me. I tried to back away from him in shock, only to come into contact with another person. I looked over my shoulder to see Itachi lying on his back, watching me from the corner of his eye.

"As happy as I am to be lying in between two of the sexiest people in the world, I have to ask. What the fuck are you two doing in my bed with me?" I asked in a strained whisper. As shocked as I was, I didn't want to wake Kisame up by yelling because he looked adorable.

Itachi chuckled lightly and Kisame stirred at the noise. I looked back up into his face to see him smile down at me with a sharp-toothed grin. "Morning, Alice."

"Good morning, Kisame," I replied without emotion. "Now, since Itachi, you heard my question, please answer."

"You were having a nightmare," Itachi said simply.

Kisame squeezed me gently, catching on. "You were whimpering and stuff in your sleep. I tried to wake you up but you wouldn't. Itachi noticed you calmed down while I was touching you so we climbed into bed with you. You didn't make a peep after that."

I sighed. "Well, thank you." I reached under Kisame's neck and grabbed my phone off my nightstand. He chuckled at my methods but said nothing. "This is the best way to wake up." I muttered to myself.

"What?" Itachi asked, rolling on his side to watch me as I turned to my back.

I smirked. "Waking up in between two extremely adorable and sexy guys is the best. It's like a dream come true." I laughed when he rolled his eyes.

Itachi was clothed in the outfit he had been wearing yesterday and his hair was down. He looked completely and utterly fuckable. I fought back the drool and looked over Kisame, attempting to distract myself from the gorgeous Uchiha.

Kisame wore only the sweatpants he had been wearing yesterday. His torso was bare and his blue hair was slightly rumpled with sleep. His eyes were open only slightly since he was still tired. All in all, it didn't help distract me.

Fuck, this is unfair.

"I can't take this much hotness so early in the morning," I said with a whimper. Kisame sighed and released a deep chuckle that had a slight raspy tinge to it. It was cute. Itachi merely smirked at me.

I flipped open my phone and looked at the time. It was about nine in the morning. I had slept longer than I usually did. No doubt because of the stress I went through yesterday and my new bed buddies.

Kathryn had sent me a text message about half an hour ago. I opened it and read it.

_Yo, hoe, I'm coming over at ten so make sure you're ready for me!_

I raised my eyebrow at this and sighed. I only had an hour to think of a way to explain this to Kathryn. Awesome.

"So Kisame, as reluctant as I am to leave your embrace, I really need to get up and do my things," I said with a smile.

"Awe, but I was enjoying this," he replied with a pout. I gave him a hug and patted his messy bed-head.

"Trust me, Kisame, I was enjoying it too," I said. I waited for him to remove his arms from around me before turning to face Itachi. "I was enjoying sleeping with you too, Itachi."

"Likewise," Itachi replied boredly. I laughed at his monotone and launched myself over the blue shark with much difficulty, trying not to land on him. Thank Jashin he rolled to his back or I never would have been able to do it.

He's really big and muscular.

Not to mention fucking adorable.

I hurried to the bathroom and did my thing after getting some clothes to change into after a shower. It only took me about twenty minutes to get everything done. I emerged from the bathroom after getting dressed to see Deidara and Sasori sitting my bed with Itachi and Kisame, chatting quietly.

"Good morning Dei-Dei, good morning Sasori, did you sleep well?" I asked sweetly. "Well, that should be directed more at Deidara. Did you get bored, Sasori?"

Sasori smirked at me as I attacked my long, wet hair with a towel. "No. I read a book while I was waiting for you all to wake up."

"Morning Alice, un. I slept great, yeah," Deidara said.

I nodded and threw the towel back into the bathroom on the sink. "That's good." I jumped slightly when Kisame was suddenly inches from me, looking into my eyes curiously. "Can I help you?"

"Your eyes are different colors," he said. "One is green and one is blue. I noticed before but they're really vivid right now."

"Why, yes they are," I said. "They change colors too. It just depends on the weather and lighting. They're probably vivid right now because my bathroom's really bright."

Sasori got my attention when Kisame ruffled my hair gently and returned to the bed to sit beside Itachi. "Now the question is, Alice: Did _you _sleep well?"

I returned his smirk with my own. "Why yes I did." I knew Kisame and Itachi must have told the puppeteer and the terrorist about our sleeping arrangement.

I felt no shame. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

The less clothes the better.

"Is anyone else up?" I asked, noticing they had left my door open. I had to break my train of thought before I started drooling.

"I think Leader and Konan are," Kisame said. "I bet Hidan is the last to wake up."

I grinned at that bit of information. "I want to wake him up."

I skipped from the room, knowing they would follow me, and went to Brett and Louis' room. Hidan was indeed still sleeping. He was taking up the entire air mattress now that Kakuzu was no longer on it. Kakuzu was walking out of the bathroom while Pein and Konan looked up from the bed when I peeked in.

I placed my finger over my mouth to tell them to keep quiet. Kakuzu smiled at my evil sneer, knowing what I was intending on doing. Pein and Konan just moved out of the room so they wouldn't get in the line of fire.

Kisame came in after me; I had asked him to be my back up and to protect me from Hidan when he struck back. He and Kakuzu moved back to allow me free access to the sleeping Jashinist.

I ran forward and leaped into the air. "Good morning Hidan!" I shouted, landing directly on top of him. He jolted awake when I collided with his stomach. I threw a quick hug on him.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" he shouted. He made to grab me but I was already retreating from his wrath. He jumped up and chased after me, stopping when I darted behind Kisame. "Move it fish-stick, I'm killing that little, fucking brat."

Kisame and Kakuzu were too busy laughing at Hidan to pay much attention to his threat, nor the fact that he made it around Kisame to get me. I screamed in fright and tried to run away but he grabbed onto my wrist in the nick of time.

"You're gonna fucking get it, bitch!" he said, growling at me. Even he was smiling. Maybe it was because he was excited about killing me, or it was because I was laughing so hard.

He began dragging me into the room, intent on sacrificing me. I was yelling through my laughter, begging for assistance. "Help! He's going to rape me!"

He pinned my arms down on the floor and straddled me.

I managed to knee him in the groin but it didn't help my situation because as soon as he recovered, the psychotic glint in his eyes intensified along with my laughter. I was both amused and slightly terrified. "Kisame, Kakuzu, get this psycho off me! Someone stop him before he sacrifices me!"

Hidan could kill me with a flick of his wrist if he wanted to. And it was only made more apparent as he kept me pinned to the ground beneath him with little to no effort.

"Hidan, get off her," Pein said firmly. I sighed in relief, thanking Jashin that I had Pein here.

Hidan frowned at his leader but didn't argue. He released me and I scrambled away from him to hide behind Kisame again.

"Thank you, Pein-sama," I said with a smile. "You get your choice of breakfast today."

He just blinked his understanding. I squeezed around Kisame and bumped into Itachi who stabled me when I almost fell over.

"Sorry, Itachi. I didn't mean to run into you. Thanks," I said, getting over the little episode that just occurred in Louis and Brett's bedroom.

"Hn," he replied. I smiled again and went downstairs. I was confronted by a tackle hug from Tobi as soon as I made it down the stairs.

"Good morning Alice-chan!" he said cheerfully.

I returned the hug. "Good morning, Tobi dear." I patted his head. "The stairs aren't very comfortable so can we continue this greeting standing up?" He pulled me into a standing position with little effort, and then he latched onto me again.

"Thanks, Tobi," I said. "Did you and Zetsu have a nice sleep?"

"Tobi had a very nice sleep. Tobi heard yelling up stairs though." Tobi said, inquiring about the racket I made when I attacked Hidan.

"I woke Hidan up," I replied. I turned back around to search for the pierced ginger. "Pein-sama, what would you like for breakfast?"

"Anything is fine," he said dully.

I sighed. "You're no fun."

"Do you have any more of those fucking chocolate things?" Hidan asked from the top of the stairs. He wasn't wearing a shirt when he descended the stairs, following Kakuzu and Kisame as Deidara and Sasori brought up the rear.

Kisame and Kakuzu also lacked shirts.

_Fuck_.

I can die happy now.

"Yeah, we have like a life time supply." I said, tearing my eyes away from Kakuzu and Kisame before I started drooling. "Brett and Louis are obsessed with Pop-Tarts to they bought boxes upon boxes of them every time they went to the store. There're a bunch of other flavors too."

"Good, those were awesome, un," Deidara said when he made it to the first floor. He patted my head. It was then that I remembered something incredibly important.

I snatched Deidara's hand out of the air before he could take it back, and I examined his palm. That's when I saw it. Deidara's hand mouth opened, and it stuck its tongue out at me. I had a fangirl moment. Quietly, I squealed happily and bounced in my spot.

"This is so cool!" I said excitedly.

Deidara looked at me like I was insane. "What is, un?"

"The hand-mouth!" I said as if it was obvious. I even held his own hand up to show him. "These things are the coolest!" I let his hand go after a moment and I composed myself. "Sorry, I just had a fangirl moment."

"I'll say," Sasori said sarcastically.

"Oh, shut up, Pinocchio," I replied. "I can always attack you with a fangirl moment."

He stared at me. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, I would. I just love Sasori no Danna!" I told him in a sing-song voice as I skipped away from him towards the kitchen, grinning.

"Is it just me or is she getting stranger?" Kakuzu asked, watching me frolic to the kitchen.

"It's not just you," Kisame said with a laugh.

I poked my head back around the entryway to the kitchen. "Get your asses in here and eat. I've got something important to tell you." I disappeared once again and began extracting the breakfast goodies from the cabinet.

I placed them all on the table and set out some plates. They all came inside the kitchen and took seats around the table except for Sasori, Zetsu, and Tobi. Zetsu preferred to stand, partially infused with the floor, and Tobi wouldn't eat around the others.

"What did you want to tell us, un?" Deidara asked, grabbing one of the chocolate Pop-Tarts. He, like the others were already munching on the tasty strudels.

"Kathryn is coming over today, so I want you all to behave long enough for me to explain the situation to her," I said. "You cannot kill her or hurt her in any way or you'll have me to deal with." I glared at Hidan longer than the rest.

"Alright, alright, I'll fucking be good," Hidan said stiffly, noticing I was glaring directly at him.

I gave him a smile. "Good boy, Hidan."

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said excitedly from the doorway. I told him he was before getting my phone out of my pocket. I informed the Akatsuki of where I was going and quickly left the room, dialing Kathryn's number along the way.

It only took two rings for her to answer. _"Hello there!"_

"Hey Kathryn, when are you heading over?" I asked.

_"I'm coming over a bit early actually. I should be there in like ten to fifteen minutes. Is that alright?"_ she asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. Honk to let me know you're here. How long are you staying over?" I hoped she could stay for a while.

_"My mom said I could stay over as long as I wanted as long as I don't cause too much trouble. She even gave me money for food."_

"I love your mom," I said seriously.

_"Alice says she loves you mommy,"_ Kathryn said to her mom. I heard her mom return my declaration of affection. _"You heard?"_

"Yeah I heard her," I replied with a small smile. "I've got something to show you when you get here. So I'll see you in a bit." We said our goodbyes and I closed my phone, ending the call before I returned to the kitchen.

I snatched up one of the bags and retrieved one of the Pop-Tarts before giving the left over one to Kakuzu who thanked me quietly. I just smiled and patted his head as I went to the counter, nibbling on my breakfast.

Once I finished it, I dug around inside the medicine cabinet, searching for my pills. The Akatsuki members who weren't stuffing their faces watched me perform my imitation of a drug-addict. I had over 12 pills to take.

"Do you have an addiction?" Sasori asked in amusement when I replaced the pills on their shelf. I turned to give him a look and shut the wooden door.

"No, I don't," I replied. "I just have a lot of things wrong with me. I have anxiety pills, pain killers for my back, muscle relaxers, migraine meds, and a bunch of other shit. I'm not a pill-popper by choice." I was a walking drug store.

"Sure you aren't," Kakuzu said teasingly.

"I'll stitch your mouth shut, George," I threatened. He just rolled his eyes with a small huff of amusement.

"So when is this bitch coming over?" Hidan asked, inhaling yet another Pop-Tart.

I turned my attention to him from his stitched partner. "Her name is Kathryn, and she should be here in a few minutes."

"Is she as nuts as you are?" Kisame asked, smiling at me. "She seemed somewhat normal when we were kittens but you weren't nearly as weird then as you are now either."

I shrugged. "I think she's worse than me. But that's for you guys to decide for yourselves." I jumped slightly when a horn sounded outside. "Kathryn is here," I said, hurrying from the kitchen. "All of you guys get in the living room and wait a minute." I heard annoyed responses but I could tell they were all getting up.

I smiled at Tobi, letting him know the situation before exiting the house and greeting Kathryn on the steps. I waved bye to her mom before Kathryn hugged me. "Hey Kat, thanks for coming over."

"You bet!" she said, grinning. "Now let's go inside, I'm freezing."

"Before we go inside, I'm warning you to listen to me when I tell you that what you are about to see is the real deal," I said in a warning tone. She just raised her eyebrow at me and pushed passed me to the door.

"Don't be so scary Alice, you'll creep someone out talking like that." She opened the door, carrying her stuff with her. I just sighed and walked in after her.

"Alice, why are there a bunch of cosplayers here?" She turned to me with a look of disapproval. "Did you rob a convention? Your obsession has gone too far, Alice."

"Remember the scary warning I just gave you? Yeah, it applies to them," I said. She looked back over the Akatsuki before looking back at me and laughed.

"Alice, stop fooling around, how gullible do you think I am?" She laughed at me as if I just told a joke.

"Kathryn you know for a fact I have never lied to you, why would I start now?" I asked, my tone curt. All of the Akatsuki just watched us, waiting to see what we'd do.

"Alice, it defies the laws of nature, this is impossible," she said, suddenly very serious. "If you insist that they are real, show me proof."

"You want proof?" I asked skeptically. I dipped my head when she nodded. "Well, other than the fact that Sasori is a _fucking _puppet, I have one more piece of proof that I think you'll believe even more." She crossed her arms and watched me after throwing Sasori a look.

I walked over to Deidara. "Deidara, may I see your hand please?"

"Why, un?" he asked, giving me his hand anyways.

I held it up to Kathryn, showing her the hand-mouth. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped slightly when it opened, revealing teeth and a tongue.

"There is your proof, Kathryn."

* * *

_I'm listening to The Bloodhound Gang's son Three point One Four. Great song. Everyone should listen to it._

_Firstly, to address a reviewer that was a guest: I do plan on changing some plot points and there will be quite a few new chapters coming up soon. Just be patient. At first it's just me editing chapters to build up to the new shit._

_My dog is pressing her face against my door, which is open by the way, and then just staring at it. I have no idea why._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ William Shakespeare added over 1700 words to the English language such as "swagger" and "torture"._

Answer: _Almost every single one of you said Anko was your favorite Tokubetsu Jonin. Those that didn't, did not answer the question. And I would like to say I am absolutely disgusted and offended. FUCKING GENMA IS THE BEST THING SINCE KAKASHI! HE IS SO CUTE AND PRECIOUS AND UGH. SEXY ASS MOTHERFUCKER. He is such a babe and he's so goofy and sassy. No, I honestly don't care that all of you like Anko. I was just surprised no one chose Genma since he's in my top 10 Naruto characters. I wish he had more screen time._

**QotC:** _If you could have one job as a ninja, what would you choose? Would you like to be a Jonin-sensei? A member of the Uchiha Police? A Chunin-sensei? An ANBU agent? How about a guard of the Kage? Do you want to watch the gates? T&I department with Ibiki and Inoichi? Any one thing._

_Itachis-penis dot tumblr dot com. Just go and enjoy the playlist. It's what I'm listening to. She's a fucking darling._

_Sorry this was so late, babies._

_I seriously thought today was Sunday._

_And I have fucking homework due tomorrow..._

_Shit._

_Toodles!_


	10. Chapter 10

_Another revamped chapter._

_New ones coming up soon._

_I forgot today was Monday again..._

* * *

"Oh my god," Kathryn said in a shocked whisper, her eyes widening. I released Deidara with a word of thanks and a smile. In the next instant, however, I was thrown aside into Kisame. He caught me with wide eyes as he watched Kathryn linebacker tackle Deidara in her attempt to smother him with affection.

"Kathryn!" I said loudly, hearing Deidara yelp with shock when she collided into him.

"What the hell, un?" he asked, desperately trying to keep his balance so he didn't fall over. "Someone get her off me, yeah!"

I laughed and pulled on Kathryn. "Kathryn, let the terrorist go. You can't attack people like that." I pulled on her again.

"No! He's mine!" she said loudly, latching on tighter to the blond. "My artist!"

I distinctly heard Sasori scoff at that.

"Kathryn! Release the murder!" I said firmly, pointing at the ground. When that didn't work, I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled. "Let go of Deidara!" I looked towards Kisame and Kakuzu who were both chuckling at the display. "One of you criminals help me out here!"

Kakuzu wrapped a powerful, stitched arm around Kathryn's waist after making me move and ripped her off Deidara with ease. She struggled in his grip, fighting to get back to Deidara who was hiding behind me now that Kathryn was no longer attacking him.

Kakuzu seemed completely unfazed by her efforts to get free.

I hit Kathryn in the head lightly with a pillow. "Behave, Kathryn." I said. She stopped fighting the miser and hung limply in his arm, pouting.

"Why did the Jew rip me off?" she asked. "I was just hugging him."

I sighed and face-palmed. "You're outrageous. You can't attack Deidara like that. And Kakuzu's not a Jew, don't be judgmental or prejudiced." I jerked my thumb over my shoulder at Deidara who crouched behind me. "Apologize to him."

Kathryn looked up at Deidara and extended her arms and legs in his direction. "I'm very sorry, Mr. Cutie-pants." I rolled my eyes and patted Deidara's hand which was on my shoulder since he was still using me as a human-shield.

"It's alright; she won't attack you for a little while," I said reassuringly, though it didn't help very much because he looked reluctant to come out of his safe hiding spot. "You can put her down now, Kakuzu. Thank you."

Kakuzu released Kathryn and she plopped on the couch. "How did this happen? How did they get here?"

"They were my cats," I replied, shrugging. "They changed back into their original forms when I tried to give them a bath."

"So wait, it's like one of those fan fictions?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. I nodded. "That's so awesome."

"Indeed," I said dully. I joined her on the couch. The others who had gotten up when she attacked also sat down, feeling that they were now safe from her wrath.

She crossed her arms. "So, did you use hot water on them?" she asked.

"Yeah, and they exploded in my bathroom in all their naked glory," I replied. She laughed.

"So wait, you saw them naked!" she said loudly, pointing accusingly at me.

I sighed. "I did indeed see them naked, but as soon as I realized they weren't cats anymore, I snatched Konan and ran out of the bathroom, I saw nothing below the waist."

I had accidentally seen below the waist on a few of them but that was only for me to know and everyone else to never find out.

All I have to say on the subject is: Seriously Pein?

Her eyes had fallen on Konan who was sitting beside Pein on the other couch. "Awe, they're so cute together!" She pointed at the pair, practically vibrating with excitement.

I think only Kathryn and I saw Konan's blush because we were looking for it and she hid it really well. Pein stiffened slightly and they both looked away from each other but said nothing.

Kathryn turned back to me. "So, I guess you and Brett would have been in the right if we named the kittens after the Akatsuki," she said. Then she paused. Her gaze drifted to Hidan. "Oh god! I named him Shiny!"

I laughed, as did Tobi, Deidara, Kakuzu, and Kisame. Sasori chuckled and Itachi smirked with Pein and Konan. "Yeah, I wonder how pissed he was when you named him that."

"Really fucking pissed!" Hidan said, scowling. "What kind of fucking name is Shiny?"

"It's a damn good one for someone that wears too much hair gel!" she replied.

I smiled. "Alright Kathryn, leave the zealot alone. You named Sasori Loofa."

She giggled at the reminder.

"Normally I'd care, but I don't know what a Loofa is, therefore I don't." Sasori said boredly from his spot on the computer chair.

"It's a big, frilly sponge you use to wash yourself," I replied with a shrug. I saw his eye twitch at that. Deidara who was leaning against the wall beside him started laughing loudly.

"Shut up, _Blondie,_" Sasori said with a growl, glaring at Deidara.

"Sorry, Danna, but that was funny, un," Deidara replied through his chuckling.

Kathryn squealed and clutched my arm. "He's so adorable! He says 'un' and calls Sasori Danna and everything!" She shook me roughly to show how excited she was.

I rolled my eyes at her antics as I shoved her off. "Yes Kathryn, Deidara is very adorable. So are the others." I patted Itachi's knee for emphasis. Since he was sitting beside me, it was very easy for me to reach. He just gave me a raised eyebrow.

Kathryn looked around me to stare down Itachi. She grinned after a minute. "He's sexy too." She then wrapped her arms around one of Kisame's massive ones. "Kisame is sexy as well." I saw Kisame give me a terrified look, searching for rescue.

"Kathryn, don't attack people. We just went over this," I said with a sigh. "Let Kisame go. If you want a hug, just ask."

Kathryn pouted and squeezed Kisame's arm once more before releasing him. "Yes mommy." She looked at Kisame innocently. "I am sorry for creeping on you, Kisame."

Kisame grinned at her. "It's alright, you just caught me off guard."

Kathryn's eyes landed on her next victim. I noticed instantly that she was about to attack. She was glaring across the room at a certain good boy with an orange mask who was standing dangerously close to something breakable. My eyes widened.

"Kisame, grab her!" I said suddenly, reaching for Kathryn myself.

I grabbed enough of her shirt in time to jerk her back onto the couch. "Tobi, run away!"

Kisame pinned her against the back of the couch with one powerful arm as we both struggled to protect the poor kid.

Tobi jumped and scurried behind Pein, assuming the leader of the Akatsuki would save him. I was pretty sure Kathryn wasn't suicidal so I assumed she wouldn't attack the pierced man. However, I wasn't sure and I sure as hell wasn't going to risk it.

"Kathryn, if you don't behave I'm going to let Hidan do whatever he wants to you," I said threateningly, knowing full well she wouldn't challenge me or take the risk of time alone with the Jashinist.

"Don't throw me to the sharks!" Kathryn said desperately, looking at me in terror. Then she paused, looked to Kisame and grinned. "On second thought, throw me to the shark." She pointed at Kisame. "Preferably this shark."

Kisame laughed, as did a few of the others.

"You're right, Alice, she is crazier than you." Sasori told me, looking at Kathryn.

Kathryn scoffed at that. "You have no idea." She jerked her thumb towards me. "You haven't seen any of her crazy side yet. If you had, you'd be dead." She then giggled. "Though, I can be worse than her. It just depends on the situation at hand."

"She seems to be a lot fucking saner than you," Hidan said.

Kathryn raised her eyebrow. "Oh, and this is coming from the psycho-maniac-religious-freak-with-a-killing-problem?"

Hidan's eyes narrowed from his spot on the floor beside the recliner that Kakuzu was occupying. Kakuzu was snickering at his partner's expense, enjoying Kathryn's statement. I had to laugh to, her name was spot on.

"Okay, okay, that's enough picking on Hidan. He was already tortured this morning," I said with an amused snort, trying to sooth Kathryn who was close to death laughing at Hidan's glare.

Kathryn stopped laughing instantly. "What happened to him?"

"Alice fucking woke me up by jumping on top of me," Hidan said dangerously, glaring at me angrily. His scowl was reinforced at the memory of my wakeup call.

"Wait, where did they all sleep?" Kathryn asked. "Surely they didn't all sleep in your room."

"Don't call me Shirley," I replied. "And no, they didn't. Hidan and Kakuzu slept on an air mattress in Louis and Brett's room while Konan and Pein slept in the bed. Deidara and Sasori shared the spare room, Kisame and Itachi stayed in my room, and Tobi and Zetsu slept down here on the couch-beds."

She smirked. "So Kisame and Itachi slept with you, huh?" She looked towards Deidara and Sasori. "And tonight, I get the artists. I have to admit I like this set up."

"And I ask that we alternate routinely so no one gets sexually assaulted," Sasori said calmly from his spot. Kathryn pouted at that.

"I am disinclined to consent to your request, Loofa-sponge," I said. "Pein and Konan get a bed because they are the leaders. Hidan and Kakuzu have to room with them because I'm hoping Pein will make Hidan behave. Zetsu and Tobi get down here because they don't have partners to pair up with." I shrugged. "That leaves you and Deidara to switch with Itachi and Kisame."

"Either way, someone will get love," Kathryn said. "I have nothing against the Uchiha or the shark."

"Don't worry Sasori; I give you permission to restrain her with your puppet jutsu or whatever. That, and if she does try to pull anything on you, I'll allow Hidan and the victim to enforce her punishment," I said, looking at Kathryn pointedly.

She looked at me with a pouting face. "You would allow that?"

"Why yes, yes I would." I nodded firmly. "Of course said punishment would have to be within reason and approved by me." I hummed. "Which reminds me: Now that Kathryn's here, there're a few new rules."

"More fucking rules?" Hidan asked.

I rolled my eyes and waved at him dismissively. "Oh quiet you. Most of them are for Kathryn." When I had everyone's attention, I looked at Kathryn. "There will be no harassing or being mean to the ninja unless they're mean to you first. If they tell you to leave them alone, do as they say. They're ninjas. They can kill us if they want to."

She made a face. "Fine."

"Rule number two," I said. "No hurting Kathryn unless she deserves it; that includes blowing her up, eating her, sacrificing her, turning her into a puppet, shredding her to ribbons, almighty pushing her, using jutsu on her, etc." I held up three fingers. "Three, no one is allowed to leave this house with Kathryn or Kathryn's permission. She is not in charge here. I am, though I give Pein partial authority."

"Partial?" Pein asked.

"My house, Ginger, and that means I rule here," I said. "By partial, I mean you're in charge of your idiots and I'm in charge of mine."

He seemed satisfied by that because he dropped the subject.

"Rule four," I held up four fingers. "Kathryn is not allowed to touch anything remotely sharp or pointy. Do not give her anything that a normal, chakra-less, teenage girl can use as a weapon. Kathryn, you are not allowed to ask to touch the weapons or do so without permission unless your life is in danger."

"Kay," Kathryn said, sighing.

"And finally," I said. "No one, especially Kathryn, is allowed to touch my hummer."

Kathryn deflated. "So mean, Momma."

"I'm a mean person," I replied indifferently. "Follow the rules or I'll cut something valuable off of your person."

Everyone in the room jumped slightly when my phone vibrated on the coffee table, breaking the silence that ensued after my threat. I quickly snatched it up and looked to see who the caller was. My eyes widened slightly when I saw it was Louis.

"Oh shit." I said in shock.

Kathryn looked over my shoulder. "Oh you are so dead," she said, reinforcing my horror. She helped me hush everyone before I flipped open the cell.

"Hello?" I asked the caller.

"_Hey Alice, how are you?_" Louis asked.

I whimpered silently at Kathryn, begging for rescue. "I'm good, how are you?"

"_I'm alright, we got here about an hour ago,_" Louis said boredly. "_Where are you?_"

"I'm downstairs with Kathryn," I replied.

I heard Brett say something cheerfully to him. "_Tell her I said hey. Brett wants you to get on Skype with us._" He said in a tone which was closer to ordering me to go upstairs and get on Skype with them.

Louis didn't request things. He gave orders.

I died a little on the inside. "Louis says hi Kathryn. He wants us to go and get on Skype with him." Her eyes widened in shock and her jaw dropped.

"_Hurry up, I miss your face._" Louis pretty much growled into the phone.

"Okay, hold on a second," I said. I muted my phone and looked at everyone. "Okay, everyone go into my room and be as silent as humanly possible."

"What's going on?" Itachi asked, looking at me with curiosity and slight concern as he stood up.

I sighed. "I'm about to tell Louis and Brett you're here." I shooed them all up stairs, scurrying up after them with Kathryn on my tail. "It'll be alright, but I need to prepare them."

"Why tell them?" Pein asked as they entered my room and took their seats around the room. I sat at my laptop and quickly logged in.

I paused. "Louis is like a fucking ninja dog. No matter how hard I try to leave no trace of your existence, he'll figure it out and he'll torture me until I tell him the truth. Trust me, he's done it before." Kathryn shuddered at the memory and nodded to confirm my reasoning.

The ones listening raised their eyebrows curiously but said nothing as I turned the mute off my phone and addressed Louis again. "Okay, I'm on Skype, call me."

He told me he would as I made sure the only people visible in the web camera were me and Kathryn. I would spring it on them gradually.

I swatted Hidan away when he whispered something into Kathryn's ear. Her eyes lit up and she giggled, nodding at him and shooing him away with me. I ignored this and focused on the incoming Skype call.

Louis and Brett's faces popped up on the screen and I shut my cell phone. I almost melted. I didn't realize how much I missed my two best friends until I saw their faces. Brett was grinning madly and waving at me. I waved back with a small smile of my own.

"Hi Alice, hi Kathryn, I see you!" Brett said excitedly. He was sitting on Louis's lap who was resting his chin on Brett's shoulder, looking at us boredly.

"Hi Brett, hi Louis, we see you too!" I said in a slightly off voice.

Brett noticed. He frowned instantly. "What's wrong Alice, you seem sad."

"She misses you!" Kathryn said, saving me.

Louis gave me his usual, lazy smirk. "We'll have reunion sex when we get back." Hidan snorted at this, earning him a middle finger from just outside of the camera angle.

I frowned at this. "No thanks Louis." He just pouted in response. My heart skipped a beat when I noticed Hidan's snort of laughter was picked up on the microphone.

"Alice, I wanna see one of the kitties!" Brett said. "Get one."

Fuck you, Brett. Why you gotta do that to me?

"I see you let them out of your room," Louis said in a scolding tone. He then paused and frowned. I almost died, thinking he heard Hidan.

"Alice," he said. Kathryn and I both exchanged a horrified glance. "Why are all of the things I ordered you to store away strewn about your room?" he asked threateningly.

I exhaled loudly and hit my head on the computer desk in relief. That was short lived because just then, Kathryn grabbed the laptop and span around in the computer chair, showing the Akatsuki in all of their glory, sitting around my room.

"Alice has hot guys!" Kathryn said cheerfully. I punched Kathryn in the back of her head and snatched the laptop, making it face me once more, hoping to safe myself from utter destruction.

It was a wasted effort.

The damage was done and Louis looked livid

* * *

_Ah, classic cliffies. Though it's not as much of a cliffy since most of you already know what happens after._

_Oh the disadvantages of rewriting a story. I'll have to come up with some new ones to keep you guys on your toes._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ In addition to being able to breath through their butts, turtles can also pee out of their mouths. Fucking ew._

Answer: _Job as a ninja... Probably ANBU or just a regular Jonin. I wouldn't want to be a sensei because I hate children. ANBU would be cool though because then I could kill people for money. Bounty hunter was an option, but with ANBU, you have the backing of your village to protect you. It's safer that way. But of course, GlitchInTheSky made a good point saying you'd have to obey higher-ups which is a downer. Maybe I'd be like a mercenary. Could you guys see me being a mercenary? I'd be a pain in everyone's ass._

**QotC:** _I'm running out of Naruto questions I haven't already used before... Which member of the Akatsuki do you guys think would be the best teacher and why? Don't ask me why. Just answer the question. It's for science. And by science, I mean I'm having a discussion with one of my friends and I would like outside opinions._

_I don't really have anything exciting to talk about today... I have like 2 exams tomorrow? That's fun, I guess. History and Lit, dude. I'm going to rock history like nobody's business. Lit won't be too bad either but I'm not in the mood to write an in-class essay analyzing a bunch of pieces of literature. It's boring. Fuck college._

_But anywho, you all are amazing and I adore each and every one of you. Don't hesitate to message me or contact me in some way if you have questions, comments, or concerns regarding the story/anything else. I'm happy to chat with you guys about anything and everything. Mama-Dani's here for you, babies._

_Also, I'm getting emotional about the Naruto characters since the manga's about to end soon. Don't judge me if I start flipping shit about them in the author's notes._

_Toodles~_


	11. Chapter 11

_Okay, as I'm sure most of you noticed, I accidentally skipped a week in posting._

_That is because last week was midterm week and this story was honestly the last thing on my mind. Whoops._

_Anyways, this chapter is older but it's sort of new. The beginning is the same but I cut off the last chunk of the original chapter and replaced it with new stuff._

_Enjoy, darlings._

* * *

"Alice," he said with a vicious growl. "What the fuck is going on there?"

I kicked Kathryn's ass as she sprawled out on the ground. "God damn it Kathryn!" I practically growled at her. "You're such a fucking dumbass."

Part of me hoped I hit her hard enough in the head to kill her.

"I'd like a fucking answer," Louis said with a snarl, bringing me back to the situation at hand. Brett was no longer on Louis's lap. He was standing beside him, looking slightly shocked and afraid.

"Louis, I can explain," I said quickly. "You know the cats we got? Yeah, the cats were actually the Akatsuki!" I winced at his expression; I could see the anger and hostility in his eyes. Louis was really freaking scary when he was mad.

"Do you honestly expect me to fucking believe that?" he demanded. "Brett, get me the keys, I've got a teenager to kill." He went to stand.

I yelped and held my hands up in surrender. "Louis I'm sorry! I've got proof to make you believe it!" I told him hurriedly. "Don't kill me. I don't want you to get into trouble for murder."

"I won't get caught," he replied in a dangerously low tone. "I haven't yet." Somehow, when he says that, I wholly believe him. He is the only person that I know personally who _would_ and _could_ commit murder and get away with it.

… With the exception of the Akatsuki.

Brett grabbed Louis. "Babe, wait, just calm down and hear her out." Brett looked to me with fear in his eyes. "Alice, please show him proof before he kills you."

I nodded and grabbed Kathryn by her hair and pulled her up to my level. She was still whining about the blow to the back of her head and the one to her ass. "You, get me Deidara's hand right now." She shivered at my threat. "Or I will give you something else to whine about."

She got up instantly and grabbed Deidara. She pulled him over to me and pushed him into my reach.

I snatched Deidara and yanked him into view of the camera. "Louis, Brett, meet Deidara. Deidara meet Louis and Brett." I noticed Deidara looked kind of nervous about being put on the spot so suddenly but ignored it. Louis glared at him while Brett drooled at his hotness.

I held up Deidara's hand and showed Louis and Brett the hand-mouth. Brett squealed and jumped up and down while Louis's angry face turned into one of confusion. Obviously they saw the goods so I released Deidara.

"Thank you Deidara," I said with a slightly relieved sigh. "There, now you have your proof." I said looking mostly at Louis while Brett threw a fan girl tantrum.

"How many of them are there?" Louis asked. I grabbed the laptop and twisted it around so he could see the others. Tobi waved excitedly.

"All of them are here," I replied with a tired sigh. "All ten criminals and murderers are present."

I set the laptop up so he could see all of the occupants of my room, including myself. It took him a minute to respond. "How did this happen?"

"I went to give the cats a bath because they stunk really badly and then when they were hit with the water they returned to their true forms," I said. "And here they are."

"So it's like one of those crazy fan fictions?" Brett asked. He was ogling at the hot guys. I didn't blame him.

"Yeah," I said. "Exactly like one of those crazy fan fictions."

Louis frowned. "Where are they sleeping?" I knew he would be pissed about someone sleeping in his room.

"They slept in my room, the living room, and the spare bedroom," I said. "I had to sleep in your bed last night to try and keep everyone off the floor."

Brett swatted Louis. "They can sleep in our bed if they need to Alice." He was so much more understanding, bless his fucking soul. "This is an exception."

"Fine, they can use our bed," Louis said with a grumble. "But if I find out they slept with _you_, there won't be enough of them left to return to their world."

I took his threat seriously, but Hidan sure didn't. He laughed. "Ha, I'd love to see you try it!"

"Hidan, you dumbass, don't irritate him," I said with a sigh, running my hand over my face.

Louis just stared at the zealot. "Bring your immortal ass over here and I'll prove to you that immortality is just a myth invented by some bitch that was too afraid to die."

Hidan froze and his eyes narrowed. "What did you say?"

"I don't believe I stuttered, dick." Louis said darkly.

Kakuzu snorted with laughter and I sighed, waiting for Louis to jump through the computer and kick Hidan's ass. All Hidan needed was a scolding to get him to calm down. Louis had to be knocked out before you could get him to stop.

"This fucker wants to die," Hidan said, looking at me as he pointed towards the laptop.

I looked at him. "Shut up, before I kill you myself." I gestured at Louis in the screen. "I'm more afraid of him than I am of you."

Kathryn nodded. "Yeah, Louis is scary." She patted Hidan. "You wouldn't stand a chance, Shiny."

At that, Louis cackled, breaking his serious, murderous glare and erupting with laughter. "I fucking forgot you named him Shiny. That poor thing!"

"Is he bipolar?" Pein asked. His tone was almost concerned.

I nodded. "And a whole lot of other things too, Pein."

Louis managed to get a hold of himself and he looked at me, grinning madly. "We named Sasori Loofa didn't we?"

"And we named Kakuzu George, and Pein Ginger," I replied. "And we named Kisame Bruce." Brett snickered and Louis snorted again.

Brett looked in Konan's direction and pointed. "Awe, Konan's cat name fit her perfectly. She's adorable as a human too!"

"They must have been pissed getting those fucking names," Louis said, sitting back down in the chair again.

"Yeah, they were," I said. "Though, I think Tobi liked his name."

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said excitedly, hugging me from behind.

Did I mention Louis is extremely possessive over me and Brett? Well he is.

"Oi, good boy, get your hands off her or you'll be an armless boy," he said threateningly.

"Louis, knock it off," I said with a sigh. "He doesn't mean anything by it. It's just a hug. While you're threatening to kill people, why don't you kill Adam? He put this giant ass bruise on my wrist yesterday." I held it up to show him.

"What?" Louis growled. Even Brett looked pissed.

I jerked my thumb towards Itachi and Kisame. "If it wasn't for those two, or rather, all of the Akatsuki, he probably would have kidnapped me."

I could tell I just ruined Louis' laughing mood. But I wanted to defend Tobito so it was worth it.

"Where did you see him?" Kathryn asked. "Why wasn't I told about this?"

I sighed. "Yesterday at the mall when I was getting our new house buddies clothes and whatnot. He attacked me. The only reason I'm still alive is because Kisame and Itachi came to my aid." Kathryn just frowned.

"He's going to get a very angry call from me later," Louis said darkly. He looked at Kathryn. "How long are you staying there?"

"Probably a while," Kathryn replied with a shrug.

He nodded. "Good. Make sure she stays abstinent while we're gone."

I glared at Louis and shook my head at his nonsense. Kisame, Sasori, Deidara, and Kathryn both snorted with laughter at my expense.

"That's unnecessary, Louis," I said flatly. "Besides, I think Kathryn is the one you should worry about."

He looked thoughtful for a moment, considering what I said, before he nodded in agreement.

"How come Alice gets to be in a house full of hot guys?" Brett asked with a pout. "It's like heaven."

Louis rolled his eyes before his hand disappeared from the camera angle as he groped Brett. Brett jumped in shock before grinning at Louis suggestively.

"Okay, no sex on camera." I said, holding up my hands to block anything naughty from tainting the eyes of my ninjas. "Both of you behave."

Brett stuck his tongue out at me. "Meany pants."

"She's just jealous," Louis said quietly into Brett's ear.

"Alice, how can they see us?" Itachi asked from beside me, leaning forward to get my attention.

I pointed to the tiny little camera lens on the laptop. "There's a little camera in there that's filming what we're doing and playing it on their computer where they are." I saw him nod in slight understanding.

He probably had no fucking clue what I just said.

So adorable.

"He's so cute!" Brett squealed before looking over his shoulder when there was a noise their laptop didn't catch. "Shit, my mom is calling for us. She wants to take us out for lunch."

Louis dipped his head and backed away from the desk to let Brett off his lap. "I guess we'll talk to you later, Alice. We're going out to lunch with Brett's family." Brett kissed his camera, saying goodbye as Louis grabbed his coat and left the room.

Their picture went black before I closed my laptop. "Okay, now it's time for punishment." I looked around at the occupants of my room.

"Punishment?" Hidan asked. "What the fuck did we do?"

"Oh no, not you guys." I said with a smile. "You guys did nothing wrong."

"Then why do you look like you're about to kill us, un?" Deidara asked.

I turned my gaze to Kathryn and my smile faded. "Kathryn is going to be the one to suffer."

Kathryn yelped and sprang to her feet, wrenching my door open in the same second before sprinting out of my room. I gave chase, tearing after her with the intention of murder.

Kathryn fell down the stairs in her haste to get away from me, sprawling at the bottom in a pile of limbs and pain. I took my time on the stairs; my Climacophobia prevented me from going down the stairs any faster than a sloth would. She got up as I reached the middle and ran from my sight.

I could hear the others following after us, some laughing, others questioning our sanity. As soon as I made it to the last step, I broke out into a run, leaping over the coffee table to attack Kathryn who was darting into the laundry room.

She screamed when I rounded the corner and burst into the room. She threw open the back door and escaped to the outside. I went after her, leading the Akatsuki to the backyard.

She was yelling for help, begging the criminals for assistance. I ignored the potential threats and continued after her.

Now, Kathryn is like a foot taller than me, and she's all leg so she had an advantage over me in terms of strides. However, I'm twice as strong and meaner, thus my anger and muscle mass makes me move faster. Needless to say, we're evenly matched when it comes to running around. Once I got a hold of her though, she couldn't do a damn thing to fight back.

I had cornered her in our backyard and was closing in for the kill when two very strong arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me off the ground. Hidan had betrayed me. He was laughing as I struggled against him while he began lugging me back towards the condo.

"Hidan I love you!" Kathryn said from her cowering spot against the fence.

I kicked Hidan in the fork of his legs in my attempt to fight him off. I succeeded in getting out of his grip when he was distracted by pain and made to run after Kathryn again who screamed. That's when Kakuzu decided to betray me too. He threw me over his shoulder easily and carried me towards the patio.

"You two are unnecessarily loud," he said by way of explanation.

"What the hell! I fucking fed you guys! I've fucking seen you naked! Tobi, I'll give you candy if you get him off!" I shouted and struggled against him, searching for support.

"Tobi is a good boy so Tobi will help Alice-chan for candy!" he said excitedly with a cheer; jumping on Kakuzu, scrambling up his back, and attempting to strangle him.

Hidan was still swearing at me under his breath as Tobi attacked his partner.

"Ha! Freedom!" I said loudly when Kakuzu dropped me to get at Tobi. "Now death to Kathryn!" I turned and began sprinting at her again.

I heard footsteps falling behind me so I looked around to see what was going on and I saw Deidara chasing me. Because he was a ninja, he easily caught up with me and tackled me to the ground.

Fucking jerk.

"Run Kathryn, un!" Deidara said, pinning me to the ground.

"Itachi and Kisame where in hell are you when I need you?" I asked, wondering why everyone decided to betray _me_.

I heard Kisame laughing from where he was on the back-patio. I knew Itachi wasn't going to join in the festivities because he was too cool for this kind of stuff, but I assumed Kisame would. That fish needs to get his ass in the game and help me out.

"Sasori, control your brat!" I said. I saw Kathryn trying to run by me so I grabbed her ankle, bringing her to the ground with me. She met the dying grass with a dull thud and started laughing and yelling in fear.

I kicked Deidara off long enough to drag myself towards her, still having a death grip on her ankle. She began kicking, trying to break my grip.

"You're not getting away!" I said, growling at her and fighting Deidara as he grabbed my ankles and tried to pull me away from her. Hidan had recovered and was grabbing Kathryn's hands to pull her away from me.

I latched onto her other ankle and fought against Hidan, not gaining any ground against the ninja Jashinist. "This is totally not fair. All I have is Tobi."

As if I willed it, Tobi leapt over me and Kathryn and tackled Deidara to the ground, knocking his grip off me. I took this chance and lunged at Kathryn, crushing her beneath me. "Ah ha, now she is mine!" I started tickling her.

Her screaming intensified.

It didn't take long for Deidara to get away from Tobi and return to Kathryn. He easily lifted me off her but I didn't fight him since I felt I had tortured her enough for now. Once I was off her, Kathryn scrambled away from me to hide behind Hidan, peeking out from around his arm to see if I was going to attack again.

I laughed as I looked around her at the other ninja watching us. Pein, Itachi, Zetsu, Konan, Sasori, and now Kakuzu were sitting on the patio watching us as if this was some sort of moderately interesting TV show. Kisame leaned against the house, chuckling about our little battle.

I felt Deidara let me go before Tobi attacked me with a hug. I returned it. "Tobi, you are a very good boy for helping me out in my time of need." I looked to the other Akatsuki. "The rest of you suck."

"They just like me better." Kathryn said from behind Hidan. She cowered back in her place at my death glare. Hidan laughed at her actions and patted her head.

I huffed and entwined my arm with Tobi's, heading back towards the house. Pein looked up at me as we approached the patio.

"Shouldn't that episode draw attention to us?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, stuff like this happens all the time. Our neighbors actually get concerned when they don't hear screaming coming from the house and the yard. We have a privacy fence too so people can't see inside the yard unless they're upstairs. Even then, college students live in the condo beside us and they're never home."

He looked slightly concerned for my wellbeing but said nothing else, shrugging off his worries. I smiled at him and Konan before tugging Tobi inside. "Come on, Tobi, we shall get you your candy."

"Candy!" Tobi threw up his arms in a cheer.

Kathryn led in the rest of the troops a few minutes later, informing me that she had bruises on her legs, ass, and head from my attacks. I smirked in victory and didn't apologize as I put away Tobi's candy.

"Tobi is now my new best friend." I announced to the people in my living room, pointing at the masked man that was inhaling the candy I gave him. "The rest of you have just been demoted to cats again. I will now refer to you as your cat names until you make it up to me." I looked to Kathryn. "And you will be Bitch-face."

She pouted, knowing full well that I meant serious business with my small threat. "I'm sorry, do you still love me?"

"Not as much at the moment," I replied with a face of faux seriousness.

Hidan rubbed his groin tenderly. "You've got one hell of a fucking kick, bitch." He shook his head.

"Thank you, Shiny," I said, acknowledging his compliment with a dip of my head.

He clicked his tongue in annoyance at his kitten name. "Stupid bitch."

"Correction, I will call Pein, Konan, and Zetsu by their actual names because I didn't expect them to help me. They are too mature for that," I said, holding up my forefinger.

Itachi raised his eyebrow questioningly at me, looking slightly offended.

"Hey man, you slept in my bed," I said, holding up my hands in the air. "And you did it as a human." I added after remembering Pein and Konan did when they were cats.

Pein addressed me calmly. "May we train in the fenced in yard? Just to keep our skills from weakening while we are otherwise inactive."

I nodded. "Yeah, just don't use any major ninjutsu or whatever. I'm pretty sure stuff like that would be noticeable, even with the huge-ass fence."

He dipped his head in understanding.

I yelped in shock when I was suddenly pulled into a back breaking hug. I looked around at my attacker in shock to see Kisame hugging me tightly. "Bruce, why are you trying to suffocate me?"

"This is me apologizing for not helping you," Kisame said, clutching me to his chest. "At least I didn't turn against you."

I considered this. "Yes, but you still didn't help when I called for you." I turned to look in his face when he slackened his grip. I regretted that. He had his pouting face going full blast. I melted instantly.

I had lived my life thinking there was only one person in this world who can melt me with a pouting face and that was Brett. However, Kisame proved me wrong. There was nothing I could do against his adorable blueness.

It was like the Grinch when his heart doubled in size.

"Okay I forgive you! Stop pouting!" I said quickly, hugging him.

He grinned in victory when I released him but didn't let me go just yet. He raised his eyebrows at Kathryn's shocked, unbelieving face. She looked at me, as if I had just kicked a puppy.

"How did you do that?" she demanded, looking at Kisame.

Kisame frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"

She pointed at me. "How did you make her forgive you?" She glared at him. "Change her back to normal now!"

He looked rather startled by her sudden animosity. "I just made a sad face at her and she forgave me."

"Who are you and what have you done with my Alice?" she asked. "Pouty faces don't work on Alice. Brett is the only one who can do that."

I gestured at Kisame. "His face is a lethal weapon. That thing could melt a fucking iceberg." He grinned at her from over my head. She "Oh"ed and nodded

"I just found leverage against Alice!" Kathryn said cheerfully, punching the air. "From now on, I'm going to get Kisame to make you do what I want."

I shook my head as Kisame set me down. "Not if I know you're pulling the strings."

Kathryn looked at Itachi as me and Kisame sat down. "I wonder how well your pouting face would do against the heartless woman we know as Alice."

"Hn." Itachi replied, giving me a small glance from the corner of his eye. I had taken a seat between him and Kisame on one of the long couches. Pein, Konan, Kathryn, and Kakuzu occupied the other. Deidara ruled the recliner while Hidan took up the last spot on our couch. Tobi sat on a beanbag chair in the corner near Sasori who sat on the computer chair again. Zetsu was sticking out of the wall beside the doorway to the kitchen, completely content with his spot.

Kathryn was plopped on the edge of her couch in between Kakuzu and Hidan who sat with me. Her eyes however were lingering on the blond bombshell who was sitting incorrectly in the recliner.

"So what do we do now?" Kathryn asked. "I'm bored."

Sasori looked at her. "So think of a way to entertain yourself."

I sighed and rolled my eyes when she instantly grinned. "You just opened the gates to hell." I closed my eyes and leaned against the back of the couch. "Wait for it."

"Momma! Videogames!" Kathryn said.

I rolled my eyes. "Do you want me to kick everyone's ass?"

Sasori perked up at that. "Is that a challenge?"

I scoffed. "It's a fact, Loofa-sponge."

"I accept the challenge," Itachi said, sitting up slightly.

I rolled my eyes and heaved myself off the couch. I grabbed Sasori's chair and shoved him and the chair away from the TV, much to his annoyance, before crouching down to turn on my Xbox 360 and the television.

"What are we playing?" Kathryn asked craning her neck to see what I was putting in.

"You'll see when I turn it on. Shut the hell up," I replied dismissively.

Deidara poked his head over Sasori's shoulder and his head cocked to the side. "What's a videogame?"

"It's a game played by electronically manipulating images produced by a computer program on a television screen or other display screen," I said, standing up.

"Alice, that's a textbook definition," Kathryn said. "They don't understand you."

"They'll figure it out in a minute," I said, sighing. I grabbed four controllers, waving three of them in my hands. "Who wants to get their ass kicked?"

"I'll play," Hidan said, grabbing on the controllers from me when I offered it to him.

"I'll show you that it will be much harder to beat me than that," Sasori said, taking two of the controllers out of my hand and handing the other to Deidara.

I glanced at Itachi, waving the controller in my hand. "Want to play?"

"I'll wait for a moment to see what to do," he replied. He looked up at the TV and cocked his head to the side as the theme song started playing. "What is this game?"

Kathryn threw back her head and cackled. "Oh, you guys are fucking _screwed_. Alice is in the top fifteen players in the world for this game."

"Halo?" Kisame asked. "What is it?"

"It's a first-person shooter," I replied, sitting down on the couch between Itachi and Kisame once more. I went through the title screen and set up a private, standard custom-made game of Slayer on Sandtrap. I made the ammo and grenades unlimited so they wouldn't be completely helpless. "First one to 25 kills wins. I'll show you how to play before I kick your ass."

Sasori, Deidara, Hidan, and the other members of the Akatsuki listened intently as I taught them the controls and what all of the various items, icons, bars, and screen displays meant.

I quickly found Hidan, Deidara, and Sasori on the game and showed them how to punch, shoot, throw grenades, zoom in, jump, etc.

When I was focused on telling Sasori how to use his energy sword, Hidan used his assault rifle to hit me in the back and kill me before he threw a plasma grenade and it stuck on Deidara. Deidara's jaw dropped as he exploded and he whipped his head around to look at Hidan, utterly offended and horrified.

Hidan simply cackled and started shooting at Sasori's character who was retreating and throwing grenades at Hidan. "Fucking got you, bitch! Dei-chan! Hold fucking still, you puppet-bitch!"

I smiled and tilted my head in his direction. "Tutorial is over. Time for you three to meet your maker."

Itachi's Sharingan flared and he turned his attention to me and the game.

As soon as I re-spawned, I found the sniper and went to my favorite spot, the top of the giant sand-dune so I could snipe the shit out of everyone.

Hidan was about to kill Sasori, who he had caught up to, when I sniped him in the head. His jaw dropped and he glared at me when he saw that my gamer-tag was responsible for killing him.

A second later, I shot Sasori in the head.

"I think you should take it easy on the newbies, Momma," Kathryn said, smiling.

"I need to get my kill count even with the leader first," I replied. I sniped Deidara just as he jumped on one of the elephants. "Okay. Now we can go for close-combat."

"When you said Alice was top-fifteen in the world, what did you mean?" Kakuzu asked, smirking as he watched my Spartan sneak up on Hidan who was trying to pick up the gravity hammer to exchange his battle rifle so he could have both the sword and the grav-hammer.

When I killed Hidan from behind, Kathryn smirked at Kakuzu.

"Xbox life is an online gaming community where people from all over the world play together. Alice was in a competition once a few years ago, for this game, and she was labeled fifteenth in the world. Her scores for the game say she is as well, though it might have changed since she hasn't played in a while," Kathryn said.

"I'm best with snipers," I said. "But shotguns are nice too." I smiled. "Speaking of shotguns: You stole my gun, Deidara. Give it."

"Oh my god, un!" Deidara said when I punched his leg. "Where the fuck are you, yeah? I don't even see you!"

"She's invisible," Kisame said, grinning hugely.

I punched the ground and appeared just to the right of Deidara's scope before I lunged at him with the sword I stole from Hidan. When he fell on the ground, I teabagged him.

"What did you just do to me?" he asked.

"I teabagged you," I said. "Meaning I put my character's nuts on your character's face."

Hidan, Kathryn, and Kisame all laughed while Deidara complained loudly.

"Sasori, I see you sneaking towards me," I said. "Do you have a death wish?"

He threw a grenade at me so I jumped away from it as it exploded. I ran back to Deidara's body and picked up the shotgun he had, tossing away my sword in order to get my two favorite weapons. Once I had them, I ran towards Sasori, jumping around so he couldn't shoot me accurately enough.

"Stop jumping around," he said. "Hold still so I can kill you."

"Of course," I said, landing in front of him. He shot at me again so I shot him with my shotgun in close-quarters and then punched him, ending his life. "I win. Fair warning for next time, shotguns are best in close combat other than swords and gravity-hammers."

He scoffed.

"What the hell is this thing?" Hidan asked, getting in the Ghost next to him. "Holy shit! It has a gun! And it moves fucking fast!"

I laughed. "It's called a Ghost, Hidan." I jumped over him when he boosted towards me. "Ah, almost got me."

He started firing at me, slowly moving in my direction, swearing when I started bouncing to make it harder for him.

I threw a grenade at him and he yelped, trying to avoid it. It did cause a bit of damage to his ghost but while he was occupied, I boarded his ghost and stole it from him,

"Hey!" he said loudly. "That's mine!"

I ran him over.

"Okay, you can have it back," I said, getting out of it. I looked around when I heard a groan from one of the Spartans. "Deidara, did you just let Sasori kill you?"

"It was an accident, un," Deidara said, scowling at the screen. "He ran me over with that giant car, yeah."

"I love warthogs," Kathryn said. "Oh, Deidara, don't go out there! The guardians will blow you up. Turn around."

Deidara turned around and hurried back to the map so he didn't get blown up.

I got in the car with Sasori when he drove by me and he scowled at me. "Get the hell out of my car."

I turned to him, sitting in the passenger seat as he drove around, and started punching him. "Make me."

Kisame snickered as I punched Sasori until he died.

"Does this map have a flame-thrower?" I asked, mostly to myself.

"The original doesn't," Kathryn said. "But your custom map does somewhere."

"Awesome," I said. "Deidara, come here and get the flamethrower."

He shook his head. "You're going to kill me, un. No way."

"No I won't," I said. "I've got better things to do than trick you into dying."

Sasori killed Deidara as he drove by again. "Watch where you're going, brat."

"Hidan, where the fuck are you?" I asked while Deidara swore at Sasori.

"None of your fucking business," the Jashinist said.

I rolled my eyes. "Are you driving the fucking elephant?"

"This thing is slow as shit," he replied.

"You're slow as shit," I said, running over to the elephant that was crawling over the sand. I jumped on it and punched Hidan in the back, killing him. "Idiot."

"Fucking bitch," he said. "I was minding my own fucking business and you come over and kill me."

"Danna! Stop running me over, un!" Deidara said.

I cackled loudly while Sasori smirked.

"Stop walking in front of my car," Sasori said.

"I was inside the building thing, un!" Deidara replied. "You drove after me!"

Sasori sniffed. "Details, brat."

I made quick work of the idiots after Sasori ran me over and ruined my kill-streak. In the end, it was 25-me, 9-Sasori, -1-Deidara, and 4-Hidan.

"I win. Okay, new people," I said. "Itachi and Kisame want to play. Kakuzu?"

"Sure," he said boredly, accepting the control from his partner.

"Pein, Konan?" I asked, waving my controller. "Zetsu? Tobi?"

"I'd rather watch," Pein said boredly. Konan smiled and shook her head while Zetsu waved me off. Tobi just admitted he wanted to watch me beat up the other members like I did Deidara, Sasori, and Hidan.

"Kat?" I asked.

"I want to watch first," she said, smiling. "It's more fun watching you kill everyone."

"Fine," I replied. "Let's go, idiots."

And the game began.

It was over a lot faster than the first game, simply because I didn't have to teach anyone how to play. The final score was: 25-me, 10-Itachi, 8-Kisame, and 8-Kakuzu. I died a total of three times, once from each of them.

"Who wants to play again?" I asked. "Or should we play something else?"

"Let's play again," Sasori said. "And this time, I'll win."

Itachi kept his controller, his Sharingan spinning at Sasori's challenge as Kakuzu handed the one he had to the puppet-master. Kisame tossed his controller to Pein who caught it with one hand. He stared at the device for a moment before sighing and resigning himself to playing.

I just snickered darkly to myself as I started the next round.

* * *

_Just so we're clear, _I_ used to be in the top 15 in the world on Xbox LIVE for Halo 3 way back in the day when it was popular and I actually played it. It's been months since I touched the damn thing but I miss it so much because it was so fun._

_Also, if you want to read the original version of this chapter, it's in the original CYK, chapter 8 I believe. I personally think this one is better._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ Tests suck ass. Also, the Naruto chapter last week had me wiggling around my house and screaming into pillows because of the cute and the feels. I couldn't handle it at all._

Answer: _The best teacher, as a whole at least, would probably be Itachi or Konan, simply because they seem to be the most calm and least homicidal out of all of the Akatsuki. Kakuzu would be a great teacher as long as you paid him enough and didn't piss him off, because he is old as fucking dirt so he knows his shit. Pein would be a good teacher too because, if you managed to get him to channel his god-complex/pain-preaching abilities to whatever subject he was teaching you, it would be memorable and thus it would stick. Sasori, Hidan, and Deidara's passion would have the same affect. The worst teacher would probably be Zetsu, simply because he argues with himself 90% of the time._

**QotC:** _What are you doing to do once Naruto ends?_

_I felt bad about not posting last week, but shit happens. On top of not posting, I also got a job which is nice. It's at a no-kill animal shelter near my house. _

_I want all of the dogs. There's a black Cane Corso there named Brutus and he is literally my favorite thing. He's almost two and the size of a small horse. No one's adopting him because he's so big and he's a little rowdy. Apparently because he's kennel-aggressive, it intimidates people so they don't want him. My first day, I walked straight into his kennel, as he barked and growled at me, and sat down on the floor with him. He sniffed me for a minute before he climbed on my lap and started giving me kisses._

_I need him. You guys don't even know. He is the biggest baby I've ever seen and the best snuggler in the world._

_Anyways, getting off the topic of cute puppies before I start crying:_

_FUCKING NARUTO CHAPTER. UGH. SASUKE. YOU ADORABLE BASTARD. HOW DARE YOU. NARUTO. MARRY YOUR STUPID UCHIHA BOYFRIEND ALREADY._

_I have to leave before I flip my shit._

_Toodles, darlings._


	12. Chapter 12

_So, as I'm sure you all have noticed, the updates have been happening on a biweekly basis._

_Yeah, I'll explain down below._

_This is a revamped, old chapter. But apparently people like it a lot?_

_I don't know. Enjoy._

* * *

It was finally time for dinner and I didn't feel like making anything so I gathered Sasori, Kisame, Deidara, Itachi, Hidan, and Kakuzu to go with me and Kathryn to the McDonalds down the road to get food for everyone.

Pein, Konan, Tobi, and Zetsu opted to sit out so they could have one of their "Leader Meetings" where they could be as mature and evil as they wanted.

We all packed into the Hummer, Itachi sitting up front with me while Kathryn sandwiched herself between Deidara and Sasori. Kisame, Kakuzu and Hidan sat in the very back.

Kathryn grinned at me when I pulled into a parking spot. "We should totally go play in the play place."  
I shook my head at her idea. "Kisame and Kakuzu would get stuck. Not to mention that's like the most unsanitary thing ever."

"It'll be fun! Please?" she said, clasping her hands together and bouncing in her seat in a strange attempt at begging. "They can play in the ball pit. Hidan would get a kick out of it! Come on!"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Very well. You can go and play with Hidan and Deidara. I will watch because I am not crawling around in that death trap of germs."

"Party pooper," she said under her breath as I shut off the vehicle and we got out, our ninjas following us.

Itachi walked beside me the entire way with Kisame trailing behind me and his partner. The Uchiha prodigy looked so bored that I entwined my arm with his and hummed as I pulled him along. I got a small, tolerantly amused smirk. Mission accomplished.

I noticed Kathryn was holding Deidara's hand and swinging it unnecessarily just like she was doing with Sasori with her other hand. I tapped Deidara's shoulder and he looked back at me. I mouthed "lick her" at him and he smirked.

It only took a minute before Kathryn stopped, bringing both Sasori and Deidara to a halt. She lifted up her and Deidara's hands to inspect them. She then squealed and started jumping up and down. She pulled her hand out of his grip to look at the hand-mouth.

"Ah it's so awesome and yet so weird!" she said loudly. She released Sasori and jumped on Deidara, squeezing the bomber tight. "You're so getting married to me when I turn 18."

Deidara laughed, grinning cockily. "You and Alice are the first people to actually like them, un."

"I don't understand why," Kathryn replied. "It's incredibly sexy, and unique. There's nothing about you that isn't drool inducing or amazing." She looked at Sasori dreamily. "You're so lucky, Danna. You get to spend so much time with Deidara." Sasori just rolled his eyes and told her she was strange and annoying.

"Kathryn, that's my line," I said, hugging Itachi's arm. "I totally used that on Itachi during the episode that he and Kisame went to the leaf village. You're a thieving little brat."

"It was very useful in this situation," she said with a shrug.

Hidan shook his head. "You both are so fucking weird."

"Shut up Hidan." Kathryn pointed at him her eyes narrowed.

I smiled at the Jashinist, still clinging to a bored and disinterested Itachi. "It's okay Hidan, we both love you too." I grabbed Kisame and pulled him closer. "But you're not blue; therefore, I can't love you as much as Kisame. Or a puppet, I find that hot. Having brown hair and stitches are also hotness factors."

Kisame laughed when I gave winks to Sasori and Kakuzu and rumpled my brown hair. "I love you too, kid."

I punched the air. "Score! Kisame said he loves me. My life is almost complete!"

"Why just almost?" Itachi asked. I winked at him and slipped my arm out of his before skipping to the door and holding it open for them.

"That's for me to know and you to find out," I replied with a smile. They walked in behind Kathryn, looking sort of nervous about treading on the unknown territory that is McDonalds.

I couldn't blame them. McDonalds is a terrifying place.

I slid up to the front of them and pulled out my list of food items I had to get everyone. Some of them were very picky. Zetsu for example, wanted nothing but meat and I had to be sure not to allow anything from a plant to be in his meal.

The person behind the register was someone who I went to school with since sixth grade. I started taking internet school freshman year for all of my classes except AP classes because I hated people and the teachers that work at the institution from hell. Except my AP U.S. history teacher who was like the coolest old man in the world.

"Oh hey Alice, I haven't seen you in a while," he said by way of greeting, pushing one of his chin length dreadlocks out of his face.

"Yo, Marcus," I replied, waving my hand at him. "How are you?"

He grinned at me. "I'm good. Are all of them with you?" He gestured to the giants behind me. "Hey Kat." He added when his eyes found Kathryn.

"Hi Marcus!" she said cheerfully from between Deidara and Kakuzu, clinging to both ninjas' arms. Deidara was looking around the place curiously while Kakuzu inspected the prices on the menu above the counter with clinical interest.

"Yeah, they're with me," I replied. "I've got a big ass order so get ready."

He nodded and flexed his fingers over the monitor of his register. "Hit me."

And so I did. He made a few questioning faces at the in depth detail of some of the orders but said nothing and pressed the buttons to get them to make it.

"Is that for here or to go?" he asked when I finally finished.

"It's to go, but take your time. Kathryn wants to play in the play place," I said with a sigh. He laughed and shook his head at her. He didn't expect anything less from Kathryn.

I herded the idiots into the enclosed playground like a stressed-out mother. Kathryn quickly kicked off her shoes and dove for the ball pit. I cringed slightly, thinking about how dirty and gross those things are. Leave it to Kathryn to not care.

And leave it to the Akatsuki to join her.

I watched Hidan and Deidara take off after her and went to sit down at one of the booths. Itachi squeezed in after me and Kakuzu and Sasori sat across from us. Kisame grabbed a chair from a nearby table and pulled it over to ours before sitting down in it.

I could hear Kathryn yelling at Deidara and Hidan inside the tubes. I just sighed and thumped my head on the table. Itachi and Sasori gave me small glances of concern when I made a loud thud as my head hit the hard surface. Kisame and Kakuzu chuckled at my expense.

"Kathryn, where did you go, un!" I heard Deidara call from near the slides. I snorted to myself, imaging Deidara and Hidan crawling around inside the tubes, searching for Kathryn.

A loud smack sounded from the play set and I looked up to see Hidan slamming his face against the clear plastic at a corner of one of the tubes. I snorted with laughter at the Jashinist and buried my face in the bend of my arm to keep my laughter muffled. He just grinned and moved away to find Deidara and Kathryn.

"Why are our partners such idiots?" Sasori asked, looking at Kakuzu.

Kakuzu just shook his head. "You can blame Pein for sticking us with those morons."

"You know you love them," I said, looking up at the two complainers. They gave me very flat, serious looks that I took to mean "No we don't. You're an idiot, stop it." But secretly, I knew they really did.

"How come Itachi and Kisame are the only two partners other than Pein and Konan who get along?" I asked. "Even Zetsu argues with himself all the time."

"Well, that's because neither of us are idiots," Kisame replied as-a-matter-of-factly, gesturing between himself and Itachi.

I tilted my head to the side in consideration while Itachi nodded sagely. "Fair enough."

"Ouch! That hurt you piece of shit!" Hidan said loudly.

"Don't sneak up on me like that then!" Kathryn replied.

It was now Deidara's turn to shout. "Stop yelling un! We're in an enclosed space and it echoes, yeah." I could image him holding his ears at their shouting.

"Oh, I'm sorry Deidara," Kathryn said at the same obnoxious volume. "Hidan is being a dick."

"Hey!" Hidan whined over Deidara and Kathryn's laughter.

I rolled my eyes and looked around as something caught my attention. Marcus was waving at me from the counter. I gave him a signal to hold on a minute before I looked at Itachi and began poking his side with both index-fingers.

He looked down at me, raising his eyebrows in question. "What?"

"I need to go get our food, let me out please," I replied. He nodded and waited for Kisame to scoot over in his chair before sliding out of the booth like a badass and a sexy beast, all at the same time.

I got out in a very normal, uninteresting fashion. I paused and addressed the present Akatsuki members. "Get them out of there; we'll be leaving in a few minutes."

"Alright," they replied in unison. Though, Itachi replied with his signature "Hn."

I left them so I could go and get the food. I approached the counter, withdrawing my wallet and getting out the money when Marcus told me the amount. I had just handed over the money when the sudden urge to kill something struck me.

I heard Kathryn screaming about not wanting to leave as Kisame attempted to rip her out of the ball pit. When I looked around, I saw that Kakuzu had Hidan by his ankles because the Jashinist was trying to climb up the slide to escape the miser's wrath.

His loud and obscene screeching could be heard from the parking lot.

Deidara was being held by Sasori who had a fist full of the terrorist's blond locks. He looked like he was on the verge of tears as Itachi glared down at him on the ground with his Sharingan cocked and loaded. I face palmed and asked Jashin why he liked to torture me.

"Are they going to be okay?" Marcus asked, looking around me at the scene in the play room. He could clearly see what was happening.

I just looked at him with a very angry and annoyed expression. "God, I hope not."

He laughed and surrendered the food. "Well, the best of luck to you."

"Thanks Marcus, it's been good seeing you," I told him. "I'll be sure to drop in the next time you're working to chat." He grinned at me and said that was a good idea.

I marched to the play room and pushed open the door. Kathryn stopped throwing a temper tantrum but didn't loosen her death grip on the bars surrounding the ball pit when I entered the room. She could sense my irritation from my murderous aura.

"Get to the damn car, now," I said with a growl, pointing in the direction of them Hummer. "Or I'll fucking kill you."

Kathryn instantly let go of the bars and allowed Kisame to sling her over his shoulder. Deidara stood up and made a very nervous face and followed Itachi and Sasori out of the room, towards the car. Hidan slid down the slide and didn't even complain when Kakuzu punched him.

Kakuzu shoved him towards the door and herded his partner to the car as I walked behind him, glaring daggers into the backs of the misbehaving people. Kathryn, Deidara, and Hidan were so going to get it when we got home.

I unlocked the Hummer with the clicker when I got close enough and waited for the others to get in before handing Itachi the food and getting into the driver's seat. Itachi sat beside me silently, a knowing smirk on his handsome face.

I silently turned the car on and pulled out of the parking lot, heading for home. After a few minutes of them simmering in the awkward silence, I broke it. "So, the three of you are in serious trouble when we get home."

"Please don't kill me. Deidara and I aren't immortal," Kathryn said instantly. "Just tear Hidan up. He can take it." I fought back a smile at her eagerness to throw Hidan under the bus.

"What the fuck?" Hidan asked, his head whipping around to glare at Kathryn. "You stupid bitch!"

An argument ensued, filled with raised voices and vulgar insults.

"Shut up," I said sharply. They fell silent almost instantly. "Now, if you give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you, I might reconsider."

To be honest, I found the entire situation slightly amusing, and I had no intention of punishing them, but I didn't want to tell them that. Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, and Sasori all knew that I wasn't intending on killing them, but they were enjoying the show.

Kathryn pouted. "Don't kill me! I haven't made babies with Deidara yet!" Deidara paused and looked to her in both confusion and amusement.

"That's not good enough." I grumbled.

"I haven't done you or Kathryn yet!" Hidan said, instantly putting an awkward tension in the car which I quickly dispelled.

I frowned. "Okay, Kakuzu, you can kill him if you want."

"With pleasure." Kakuzu smirked beneath the facemask I had bought him at the mall, looking back at his partner. The three children were sitting in the very back of the hummer while Kisame, Kakuzu, and Sasori all sat in the middle seats.

"The fuck man?" Hidan asked. "We're supposed to be partners!"

Kakuzu looked directly at him, completely unashamed and unmoved. "I would never have a partner as stupid as you are."

"The level of your immaturity astounds me, brat," Sasori said in agreement, looking at Deidara.

Deidara practically wilted at his partner's disapproval and insult. "Sorry Danna, yeah."

Kisame snickered from his seat. "What did you do to him Itachi?"

"I did nothing. I just threatened him," Itachi said innocently. I swerved at his adorable expression and almost killed a street sign.

I drooled. "I can't deal with your cuteness while I'm driving, Itachi. Stop distracting me."

Kathryn pointed at me from the back seat. "Hey! You're not actually mad at us are you?" She caught me. Kathryn knew me better than anyone.

I smiled at her in the mirror. "I'm not. I actually thought it was pretty funny, but I rule with fear, not understanding. I have to make sure I'm not getting too soft."

Kathryn sighed with relief. "I was honestly scared you were going to kill one of us."

"When have I ever actually _hurt_ you?" I asked. I paused after a second of thought. "Other than hitting you earlier, of course."

She went quiet as she tried to think of something. "Well, you've never hurt me, but you've beaten other people up before. So I couldn't be sure!"

"I only beat them up _because_ they were hurting you," I said, rolling my eyes. "I don't play those games. I'm the only one allowed to abuse you."

"You've got a feisty one, Uchiha-bitch." Hidan said, snickering in the back.

"Please shut him up. His perverted ways are starting to creep me out," I said, looking back at Kakuzu in the rearview mirror as I turned onto the road leading to the condos.

I saw Itachi smirk out of the corner of my eye and grinned internally in victory.

It took us a few minutes to lug everything inside and another ten minutes to get everyone their food. We ate dinner with no issues, and it only cost me a bleeding Hidan and a bruised knuckle. Totally worth it, might I add?

We sat around for a bit and chatted before I declared it time for bed. Kathryn and I helped Tobi and Zetsu turn the couches into beds before going to our separate rooms with our Akatsuki members.

I saw Itachi and Kisame already lounging on my bed when I walked in. I rolled my eyes at them before I changed into PJ pants in the bathroom. Once I was finished, I turned out the light and climbed into bed, sliding between them.

* * *

_Okay, so the whole biweekly updates are necessary for a while because I literally don't have time. For anything. I work 10 hours a day, five days a week, from 8am to 6pm and I'm at school for 12 hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The only time I have to myself is when I get off work/bedtime. Usually I'm so tired after work I literally just flop on my bed and cuddle with my dogs. This is the first time I've touched my laptop in like two days._

**_Fun Fact: _**_Dani likes her job very much, because puppies. But she hates her hours. I'm supposed to be fucking part-time because of school but hot fucking damn I'm working 50 hours a week. I don't have time for shit._

Answer: _Cry. Sob. Quit life. Read fanfictions that make me sad. Listen to Naruto music. Cry some more. Rewatch the anime a billion times so relive the memories. Sob. Try and find more anime that meet my standards._

**QotC:** _What's your favorite Naruto fanfiction? I know I've asked this before, in one of the other installments but it's been years and there are new babies that have yet to answer. Mine's changed since the last time I asked this. Give me your top three!_

_Ughh so tired._

_I'm currently skipping class right now because fuck it. I'm too tired._

_Toodles~_


	13. Chapter 13

_I realize this is late. But I'll have you know that it wasn't on purpose._

_I literally have no time for anything between work, school, sleep, and homework._

_But, I managed to edit/redo this chapter. It's an old one but it's been modified significantly, especially at the end._

_Enjoy._

* * *

I woke up to the cutest thing in the world.

Itachi's sleeping face.

He was so adorable I couldn't help but fight back a squeal. And I am not a squealer. His hair was down and he wore no shirt, showing off his perfect abs and chest. Ah, how anyone wouldn't drool at this I have no idea. I certainly did.

His usually bored, emotionless face was so peaceful and he finally looked his age. He didn't look like someone who murdered his entire clan and family, nor did he resemble a member of a criminal organization.

He looked like the young adult he was. Itachi seemed almost as if he was the definition of carefree while he slept because the usual stress in his face and eyes had relaxed and he wasn't trying to hide his emotions. I wanted to hug him and cuddle with him because he looked so freaking cute but I assumed that would be a bad idea so I kept my hands to myself.

It was actually really difficult, but I was proud of my self-control.

Kisame slept behind me, like he did the night before, and I was his teddy bear. He had his arms wrapped around me from behind, and his chin was touching the top of my head. I could feel the contours of his sculpted, godlike muscles because of how closely he was holding me. He was like a space-heater too, warming up the entire bed by himself.

I'm freaking lucky.

I had no idea what time it was, and I mostly didn't care. I wanted to get up, but there was no way in hell I was going to wake up these slumbering, sexy gods. Just watching them sleep was enough to keep me satisfied.

Well, that is until Kathryn got curious.

I heard the almost silent creak of my door as it was pushed opened and looked up to see Kathryn peeking inside, only her head visible. She saw I was awake and grinned at me until she noticed the new additions to my bed.

Her jaw dropped at our positions. She fought back laughter after composing herself, and she withdrew from the room only for her head to be replaced with Sasori's. He smirked at me and shook his head before moving to allow Deidara to look inside. Deidara did close to the same as his partner, grinning hugely.

I poked Kisame, assuming I should wake them up before they were teased. He opened his eyes slowly and tightened his grip around me. I huffed as the air escaped me, waking up Itachi. He searched my face for a minute before noticing I was fighting for oxygen.

"Kisame, you're suffocating her," Itachi said calmly.

Kisame's grip loosened instantly and he whispered a tired, raspy apology in my ear. I patted his arm and told him it was alright before feeling something grab my ankles. I was ripped out of Kisame's arms and off the bed. I frowned when I saw it was Hidan. Kakuzu stood beside his partner, smirking at me with his arms crossed over his bare chest.

"Jerks," I said calmly, pointedly looking away from Kakuzu before I started drooling. I slapped Hidan's hands away and stood up like nothing happened. Deidara, Kathryn, and Hidan laughed at me as I brushed myself off. "Good morning by the way."

"I bet it fucking was." Hidan laughed. "What did you three do last night?"

"We did a lot more than you ever _could_, Hidan," I replied dismissively. His laughter stopped and his eyes darted between Kisame, Itachi, and I. He was searching for confirmation.

Kisame and Itachi looked at one another and shrugged. I was suddenly grabbed by my waist and wrenched back onto the bed by Kisame. He pulled me onto his lap and cuddled against me before falling onto his side and attempting to go back to sleep.

"As pleased as I am about this situation, I really need to get up. And you guys all should take a shower. I don't want you stinking up my house," I said, my voice muffled by Kisame's rather perfect and incredible-smelling chest.

Holy shit he's sexy.

I would smother myself in his muscles if I could.

Focus, Alice.

Kathryn pointed at Kisame. "Hey! No hogging Alice!" She grabbed my ankles and tugged on me. "Give her back Kisame!"

I sighed when Kisame wrapped his legs around me to make sure I didn't move.

"No, she's mine," he said, looking at Kathryn over his shoulder. "Go get your own."

"I love how I don't have a say in this," I mumbled aloud into Kisame's chest. I heard Sasori and Kakuzu chuckle at me while Deidara laughed loudly. Hidan, I'm sure, was still wondering if what I said was true. "Itachi, could you help me out here?" I hoped he would.

I heard a grunt and suddenly I was out of Kisame's grip and Kathryn's to find myself in Itachi's lap while he sat on my bean chair. "She's _mine_, Kisame. You both need to find your own," Itachi corrected him in a tone that even I believed.

I saw Kisame pout on my bed and I resisted the urge to hug him. Instead, I occupied myself with Itachi. "I honestly don't mind that I don't have a say in _this _situation." He chuckled at me and patted my head good-naturedly.

I hopped out of his lap and dodged Kisame and Kathryn when they grabbed at me by shoving Hidan and Deidara at them respectively. I then darted into my bathroom after grabbing clothes. I quickly locked the door just in case.

In less than ten minutes I was done and emerged from the bathroom. I saw Konan, Pein, Tobi, and Zetsu had joined the party in my bedroom.

"Good morning," I said. They replied with the same greeting. "Alright, you guys get to learn how to take showers. Hopefully we have enough hot water for all of you." I pointed at Konan. "You get to use mine first. Pein can go first in Louis and Brett's."

I grabbed Konan's hand and urged the others to follow me. I led them into the bathroom and taught them how to work it, telling them that both were the same. Once that was over, I ushered the guys out and brought Konan her bags of clothing before leaving her to shower.

I showed Pein where Brett's shower was and he thanked me, gathering his own clothing to change into when he finished.

They all showered relatively quickly. However, they used up all of the hot water. I found out that the Akatsuki revert to kittens again when they're subjected to cold water. I heard shrieks of meows coming from my bathroom and ran inside to see.

Hidan was shivering in the cold shower, meowing his head off; obviously pissed that he was a cat again. I laughed at him as I turned off the shower and he glared. I wrapped him up in a towel and cuddled him, trying to dry him off and keep him warm.

I carried him back into my bedroom and showed the others the shivering kitty.

"Shiny!" Kathryn said excitedly, pointing at Hidan. Kakuzu chuckled while Deidara and Kisame laughed loudly at him.

"Poor thing," I said sadly, petting him. He just kitten glared at the others as he let me cuddle him. "How do we change him back?"

"Try using hot water," Kathryn replied. "That's how you changed them from cats the first time, right? I guess cold water changes them back to cats. You can warm some up downstairs."

I nodded and handed him to Kathryn. She cooed to him about adorable he was as a kitten and snuggled up against him. He directed a flat stare to the rest of the room as I left the room and went down stairs to heat up some water.

I came back up the ascending death trap and took Hidan into the bathroom. I set him in the tub and poured the hot water on him, not caring to remember the first time this happened.

I regretted this.

As used as I am to seeing hot, naked guys, it's not my favorite thing in the world.

At least, that's what I told other people.

I shouted and ran out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. "I forgot you poof back into humans naked." I shook my head, trying to rid myself of Hidan's image.

I heard Hidan knock on the door after a minute of him swearing and chuckling at my reaction from the bathroom. He jingled the handle, telling me to get the fuck off the door. I scurried away from the door and hid behind Kisame, burying my face into his back, just in case Hidan was naked.

"I'm not naked, bitch, chill the fuck out," Hidan said. I peeked up to see that he did indeed have clothes on. I sighed with relief and emerged from behind Kisame.

"Well, now that that's over, what to do?" I asked the room.

Kathryn crossed her arms and looked at me. "That's a fantastic question."

I frowned and crossed my own arms in thought, tapping my chin. "Well, you guys can go train outside if you want." I paused to think of another option. I had none.

"That's a good idea," Pein said, nodding his head with approval. "We need to train. We've been slacking the past few days."

"Well get out there and try and kill each other!" I said, pointing in some random direction for emphasis. Kisame snickered at my behavior. He walked over to me and scooped me up.

"You heard the lady, let's go," he said, throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me out of my room and through the house.

I heard some of the others chuckling at my shocked protests at being manhandled by Kisame. Kathryn was leading the discussion of how often the members of the Akatsuki seemed to be manhandling me. Seeing as I wasn't going to get any help, I soon resigned myself to the situation and gave up trying to reason with the shark man when he began spinning with me on his shoulder.

"If I get sick, I'm so throwing up on you, Kisame," I said seriously. He just laughed and carried me outside while the others caught up.

He set me down on one of the chairs and patted my head. I pouted in my seat and watched him challenge Itachi to a sparring match. He took a defensive position in the middle of the yard as the others spread out, preparing to spar together.

Kathryn and I sat on the patio, watching our little Akatsuki members train. We warned them not to use anything other than hand-to-hand combat and Pein made sure to address that before they began. Thank Jashin he did, or my backyard would be in ruins.

After about an hour, I went inside and brought out a case of water bottles for the criminals. Itachi, being the overly observant person he is, took notice to this instantly and advised Kisame to join him in getting one or two.

"Hey Itachi," I said thoughtfully, looking at the sexy Uchiha as he drank calmly from the water bottle. He raised his eyebrow at me as Kisame inhaled his third bottle, much to Kathryn's amusement.

"You ninja's have super reflexes right?" I asked. He gave me a questioning stare before nodding. Kisame and Kathryn raised their eyebrows at me, curious as to what I was getting at.

"Yes, we do," Itachi said. "You can't live very long as a ninja unless you do."

"Oh really?" I asked. When he nodded, I scoffed and removed a water bottle from the case. I stood up and took a stance, preparing myself to launch it. Kisame and Itachi moved out of my way, afraid of what I might do.

I chucked the water bottle at my religious target. It crashed against the side of his head a second after he deflected a lazy blow from Kakuzu. The cap shot off and it would have gotten said zealot wet had it not bounced off his head before he dropped to the ground.

Kisame spewed his water and burst out laughing while Kathryn fell backwards in her chair. Itachi and I just chuckled as Hidan jumped to his feet, glaring around for whatever hit him.

Kakuzu was snorting with laughter, his hand covering his mouth, while the other members of the Akatsuki watched the Jashinist discover the bottle.

Hidan glared at the bottle as if it was evil before his eyes flew up to the patio. I saw his eyes fall on the case of identical bottles beside me and then drift up to me as I watched him search for the thrower.

"Did you fucking throw this?" he snarled.

I laughed. "You're not very ninja, Hidan." His eyes narrowed dangerously at me. "I can't believe you didn't dodge that." I looked to Itachi. "He doesn't have super reflexes."

Itachi just smirked at me. "He is one exception."

"Hidan is a terrible Shinobi in general," Kakuzu said with amusement in his tone. Kisame snorted again and Sasori chuckled.

"You caught me off guard!" Hidan said sharply, whipping around to glare at his partner.

I grabbed another bottle and hurled it at Deidara who dodged it easily even though he was facing away from me. Kakuzu caught it as it whizzed over the blonde's ducked head. He thanked me with a smirk before taking off the cap and drinking it.

"Deidara dodged it. And he was facing away from me," I said. "I think you're just a slacker."

"Sorry I wasn't fucking watching out for fucking flying bottles of damn water!" Hidan replied. He gestured at Kakuzu. "I was fighting this dickhead."

I shook my head. "Excuses, excuses."

He glared so I laughed at his expense.

"I've got more water bottles if you guys run out. I think Kisame could drink a whole case by himself, though," I said to the others as Hidan marched up the patio to get a water bottle that didn't fly at his head.

"The fishy needs his water." Kathryn told me as she fixed her chair. She beamed at Kisame when he gave her a stare that clearly said he wasn't amused with her comment.

"She's got a fucking arm." Hidan commented as he rubbed the side of his now injured head. Deidara was snorting with laughter at him as Hidan inspected his head for any damage.

"That's because Alice's a freaking beast," Kathryn said. I gave her a look but she continued anyway. "No one in our school messes with her because she's kicked the shit out of most of the guys there." She smiled. "That and because everyone loves her."

"They were asking for it," I replied. "I don't like being annoyed, and I certainly don't like people creeping on what's mine."

"What are you talking about?" Sasori asked.

I pointed at Kathryn. "She is mine. I do not like people creeping on her. Guys at school tend to do it a lot because she's like the prettiest girl there. I'm very protective and territorial over what's mine. I get it from Louis. His behavior has rubbed off on me."

"**You're really weird.** I hope you know that." Zetsu told me.

"I'm being called weird from a plant man with two personalities." I sighed in defeat. "I accept this." Kathryn giggled at me.

"Oh shit." My eyes widened as I remembered something and I looked at Kathryn. "We fucking have school tomorrow." Kathryn's eyes shot open, mirroring my horror.

"What?" Hidan asked loudly. "You're going to fucking leave us here?"

I frowned at him. "Trust me psycho, I'm none too thrilled about it either." I shook my head, my stress renewed. "You're going to destroy my house."

"No we won't," Kisame said, patting me gently on the back. Somehow, I wasn't satisfied with his words. When I voiced this, I was assured by someone else who was much more convincing.

"We won't cause your house any damage," Itachi said calmly. "I promise. I'll break anyone who tries. And I know Pein-sama wouldn't allow it."

"How long are you going to be gone?" Kakuzu asked.

I frowned. "Well, I only go to school for three classes in the morning. The rest of the classes I take online. Kathryn stays for the whole day."

"Why is that?" Konan asked.

"Probably because she's a dumbass," Sasori said under his breath.

I kicked him in his shins, my foot slipping behind Kisame's legs to hit the puppet-master. "Watch it, Loofa. I'll dismantle you and carve obscene things in your body."

"I dare you to try it," he said, a smirk playing on his lips.

Kathryn turned to her while Sasori and I bickered. "That's because Alice's antisocial and she hates people. That and she's a super genius compared to most of the people in school."

"I worry about the people in this world if Alice is the smartest you have to offer," Sasori said. He dodged my swipe at him, chuckling at my lack of ninja skills.

"You could do the same thing I do too; your mom just won't let you," I said, turning Sasori out. Kathryn was just as smart as I was, she just lacked common sense and she didn't ever feel like applying herself to anything. Ever.

"Antisocial?" Hidan repeated. "How the fuck, are you antisocial?"

"I despise the human race," I said. "People piss me off. It used to be a challenge to get through the day and not want to kill someone at least once. I try to stay away from others. I honestly get physically ill thinking about having to interact with other people. It's been like this since I was sixteen."

Kathryn nodded. "It's true. When she went to school all day, she used to have to leave classes in the middle of the period because someone would act like an ass to someone else and she'd be ready to kill them. She used to skip school all the time because of how sick she'd get."

"It sounds to me like someone has anger issues," Sasori said, looking at me.

I rolled my eyes. "And all of you don't?" He opened his mouth to retort but then paused as he thought about it. Honestly the only ones who didn't get visibly angry at little things were Itachi, Konan, and Pein.

"So now she just takes AP U.S. History, AP American Literature, and AP Psychology at school. The rest she does on the internet. All of the classes she has at school are with me." Kathryn explained. "Thank god. I'd die without seeing Alice all day."

"I'd be lost without you too, Kathryn," I said, smiling at her.

"At least we have intelligent people in our AP classes," Kathryn said.

I dipped my head in agreement, handing Pein a bottle of water when I noticed him walking towards the case. He dipped his head in thanks so I smiled at him. "This is true. Though how the hell Nick and John got into AP History is beyond me."

Kathryn laughed at this. "That still stumps me too."

I smirked at her and stood beside my chair which was now occupied by Deidara. "So, you guys will only be alone for a little over two hours. According to how we've been getting up recently, you'll just have woken up by the time I get back."

"What time do you leave in the morning, un?" Deidara asked, tilting back in his chair.

"School starts at seven." I said. Kakuzu and Hidan took up the next two seats around the little table. Tobi sat on the giant crate we have while Kisame leaned against it beside him. Itachi, Pein, Konan, Zetsu, and Sasori just stood around us.

"What are we supposed to do for food if we do get up early?" Kakuzu asked, looking up at me with his incredibly strange and yet extremely awesome eyes.

I shrugged. "There're enough Pop-Tarts in there for you guys to eat. You know where they are. Just don't turn on anything other than the light please. I don't need a fire."

"You don't have to worry, Alice. We won't fuck up your house," Hidan said from his chair, patting my back in an attempt to assure me.

I sighed, hoping to Jashin they didn't.

* * *

I conveniently woke up just five minutes before my alarm on my phone was set to go off.

I quickly silenced the portable device and looked around the dark room. Kisame and Itachi were still sleeping so I wiggled my way free of Kisame and slipped out of bed, pausing suddenly when Itachi twitched in his sleep.

Once I noticed he wasn't going to wake up, I hurried through my morning routine. When I came silently out of my bathroom, Itachi and Kisame were still sleeping soundly. I sighed contently at this and slipped out of my room, grabbing my mesh book bag and headed down stairs. I almost had a heart attack as snoring stopped me in my tracks.

I had come close to tripping into Tobi who slept on the couch/bed beside the steps. I exhaled quietly in relief when he didn't stir before tiptoeing to the kitchen. Kathryn was sitting at the table looking dead. Sasori sat beside her with a small smirk on his face.

"What are you smirking about?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at the puppet man.

He shook his head before dipping it in Kathryn's direction. "She is not a morning person." He chuckled when Kathryn flipped him off.

"I'm aware," I said, smiling slightly. "How did she get up?"

"I dragged her out of the bed when her phone went off," Sasori replied. "She almost went off on me but remembered the Brat was still sleeping."

Kathryn shook her head at him. If looks could kill, Sasori would be dead. Kathryn was willing his head to explode with her tired glare.

She stopped after a minute of contemplating murder and looked up at me. "When are we leaving?"

"Grab a Pop-Tart and we'll go now," I said. I grabbed the parking pass from the key ring so I could hook it on my rearview mirror once I got in the car. "I'll see you later, Sasori." I said quietly as I ushered Kathryn out of the kitchen. "Make sure my house is still standing when by the time I get back."

He waved at me, amusement in his usually emotionless eyes. "I will."

Kathryn and I escaped to the cold outdoors and hurried to the Hummer. Fortunately, there isn't a lot of traffic at this time of day near my house. Unfortunately, Kathryn wanted to get a hot chocolate. It's a good thing I drive twenty miles over the speed limit regardless of any situation or else we might have been late for the warning bell.

Kathryn and I walked through the halls, sipping on our hot chocolaty beverages as we slipped through the crowds of people massing in the hallways. I glared at the freshman when they got in my way and they withered under my stare. Kathryn just laughed at my behavior as we made it to our first period of the day.

My AP U.S. History teacher was a cranky, stiff old man who didn't accept anything less than perfection. I loved this man. He was the smartest man I've ever met, and his witty comments amused me to no end. Mr. Nau was my favorite teacher ever. I've had the pleasure of being his student since seventh grade. Now that I was a junior, this was my last year with him.

There were only fourteen people in my class, so we were able to choose our own seats. I sat against the wall on the furthest side of the room from his desk, in the very front of the class while Kathryn sat beside me, and we were in our own little island except for two other kids.

"I hope you guys enjoyed your break. When I was in school, if we got a break for that long, we didn't know what to do with ourselves," Mr. Nau said loudly as he entered the class, taking strides that were much too large for any normal person.

"The question is Mr. Nau; did you enjoy your break?" I asked, noting his Vanderbilt sweater over his collared shirt.

He looked at me, his eyes narrowing behind his glasses. "Why yes I did, I didn't have to see any of you for five days." He ran a hand through his short, dark hair. He had this little patch of white hair right in the middle of his forehead. "I'd say it was a wonderful break."

The class laughed at this, enjoying his comment. He threw the grade book he carried with him everywhere on his desk before grabbing his dry erase marker and pointing at us with it. "I trust you all read the entire book over break?"

There were a few scoffs and eye rolls at the rhetorical question. He smirked at us and turned to the whiteboard. "Obviously none of you are worthy for an AP class." He pulled the cap off and wrote the date at the top of the board.

This is where I only half listened. Mr. Nau mostly just lectures during his classes, writing only a few dates and names on the board. We have a SmartBoard, but he's old school, and barely knows how to do anything other than get on Wikipedia on a normal computer. The SmartBoard basically just takes up space and collects dust.

I jerked slightly as something touched me. Kathryn poked me again with a note and I took it, rolling my eyes at the intricate folding job she did just for my "enjoyment". I heard her snicker when she saw my eyes roll.

_You know who would love to know about our little friends?_

I narrowed my eyes at the note. **No, who? **I folded it in quarters, ruining her intricate folds.

I passed it back to her as Mr. Nau scolded a kid named John for sleeping. I rolled my eyes at the sleeping buffoon. He and his brother Nick were both morons.

I watched Mr. Nau for a while. He has a habit of stuttering and making strange grunting noises when he's trying to think of what to say. It's really amusing; he even thinks it's funny.

Kathryn passed the note back, whispering something about she had the money and asking if I had the stuff. I laughed at her and took the paper.

_ I'm pretty sure Erika and Seth would love it. You should have them over. Erika lives like two seconds away and Seth is always over in her neighborhood._

**I'm not allowed to have guys over you tard-baby. I would if I could, but I'd rather not have Louis ripping my face off. I know Mike and Josh would love to meet them too.**

I threw the folded paper back at her and waited as Mr. Nau handed us back our tests from the day before our little break. We had a test every Friday and an in-class essay every other Thursday. It wasn't as bad as I assumed it would be.

_Awe but I wanna. At least let Courtney over. She'd love to meet them. I need female contact other than you!_

I sighed at this. She gave me an innocent smile and I gave her a flat stare in return. She just grinned wider at me. Usually, she would have been able to get away with it, but I wasn't in the mood.

**You're an idiot. If you want to hang out with other people, you're more than welcome to do so on your own time. I don't want anything to do with it. I'm already peopled out. You're lucky I love you or else I'd have broken the desk with your face.**

I passed the note back and frowned at her when she giggled loudly. She buried her face in her arms after Mr. Nau raised his eyebrow at her. He looked to me for an answer.

"Just ignore her; she's had too much sugar this morning." I sighed. He chuckled at me and nodded, ignoring Kathryn who was recovering from her giggles. Mr. Nau loves me.

_Don't make death threats! I had a mental image of you doing that and about died. Oh! Hoot would love them too._

**No people, you moron. I'll make as many death threats as I wish. Now, enough with this note, the class is going to end in like a minute. I'm not having a freaking party with a bunch of murders in my house. No one is allowed to come over.**

I showed her the note and she went to write on it just as the bell rang. She grinned and shot out of her chair, throwing her hands in the air. "Party at Alice's house!"

I visibly twitched. A couple of the people looked interested. I smacked Kathryn in the back of her head. Glaring at her cowering figure, I made another death threat. "If anyone shows up at my house, I will brutally kill them and strangle you with their entrails." The people of the class caught this and laughed.

Kathryn and I walked across the hallway to Psychology. We had this with Hoot, Courtney, and Erika, some of our best friends. They sat with us at our strangely positioned desks. Mr. Lyons enjoyed switching the desks around every week, just to keep us on our toes. Stupid teacher…

I threw my stuff down and sat in between Hoot and Erika while Kathryn and Courtney sat across from us. We used the left over seat to pile our books on or Kathryn used it to sleep on.

Mr. Lyons threw open the door dramatically and announced that we were watching Criminal Minds because he hated us and didn't want to teach us. I liked Mr. Lyons, but he secretly and nonchalantly hit on Kathryn because she was gorgeous.

Mr. Lyons started the show and turned out the lights before retreating behind his desk to get on his computer and peruse the internet.

The rest of the class went by quickly. Watching something in class always makes it speed by. I had to deal with Kathryn poking and prodding me to try and get me to agree to have people over. I continued to ignore her despite the curious and eventual hopeful looks and questions from my other friends.

The bell rang yet again, attempting to encourage me to do my best since I only had one more class in the death trap known as school. However, it was my least favorite one because of the long term substitute we had. Cue slacking.

Our regular teacher was Mrs. Newman, a very witty, sarcastic, lovable woman. Our sub was Mrs. Night, or Nightmare as she was dubbed by us students. She was overly loud, really strict, and as ignorant as they come. She pronounced just about everything wrong, she lost everything, and her favorite student was my least favorite person in the world.

Kathryn and I took our seats beside one another. Seth, or Sethy-Poo as I called him, sat on my other side. He smirked at me as I sat beside him and pleasantly said hello to Kathryn. Kathryn smiled at him and returned the greeting.

"Good morning, Sethy-Poo," I said. He shook his head at me as if he was disappointed but after a stare I gave him, he broke out into a grin.

"Hey Alice," he said. "What's up?"

"Hard dicks and airplanes," I replied.

Seth laughed at that. He has the best laugh ever by the way. It's kind of like a short chuckle, but it's deep and adorable. He chuckles like three times every time and then he's done until something else funny comes up.

"How are you?" I asked.

"Eh, good," he replied. "Why did you send me that weird snap on snapchat of you serenading me?"

"Because I love you. You're my sex slave. Duh," I said. "We've discussed this before." I saw him roll his eyes.

"Alice, quit hitting on Seth," Kathryn said.

"I don't hit on Sethy-Poo," I replied. "I just enjoy creeping him out. His reactions are hysterical."

Seth chuckled at this. He was probably the best looking guy in our grade, but since I had known him my entire life, I wasn't attracted to him in the slightest. Honestly, no guy at our school appealed to me in that category.

Kathryn shook her head. "You two should just get married."

I turned to her. "Why?"

"You're both so buddy, buddy it is ridiculous." She laughed.

I rolled my eyes and looked at Seth. "How about it Sethy-Poo? Would you like to become my husband rather than my slave?"

"Well we do have a lot in common." He laughed when I started nodding sagely. "We have the same tastes in music; we both like the same kind of TV shows and movies. We both have the same food preferences and our favorite Pokémon is Arcanine."

"So it's settled." I smirked as Mrs. Nightmare called our attention back to whatever poem she decided to yell at us today. She had us dissect the damn thing and then explain it in our own words. I was beyond annoyed when she pronounced savagery wrong. She also said chivalry wrong. This woman is an idiot.

I sighed with happiness as the bell rang, calling my school day to an end. I hugged Kathryn and told her to meet me out front before stabbing Seth, my arm going through the space between his arm and his side. It's a really annoying, swift stab of the entire arm. It drives him nuts because I do it every day and he never expects it.

I laughed at his attempt to hit me and darted away from him, heading towards the exit of the school. I walk to my car, twirling my key on my finger, ready to go and bother the hell out of the criminals infesting my house.

* * *

_For those of you that enjoy the Truth or Dare chapter in the original, I'm sorry but I'm killing it. It's being replaced by something better. It's too painful for me to read that shit, let alone try and fix it so it's not godawful and painful._

_Also, I'm sorry for the delay. I hate leaving you guys hanging when I promised to update biweekly. Hopefully I'll be able to keep my promise from here on out._

**_Fun fact:_**_ Blind dogs, especially big ones, are stubborn as fuck and hard to control if they lack the proper training. We have a Neapolitan Mastiff at the shelter I work at and he's blind. His name is Tank and he's such a sweetheart, but when he doesn't want to do something, he lays down or charges on and there's no way in hell you're moving that dog without losing a fucking arm. He's also slightly dog-aggressive so when he hears a dog, he'll go charging towards them and it's hard to stop him._

Answer: _Ah, my favorite Naruto fanfiction... I'd have to say that one of my absolute favorite fics is_ Save Me from this Nightmare_ by Klavieres. But I also enjoy_ Backslide_ by Blackkat, and_ In Good Company_ by weialala._ The Natural Habitat of Haruno Sakura_ is also one of the funniest fics I've read in years. I'm not much of a Sakura fan but holy shit. It's fucking hysterical._

**QotC:** _If you randomly won a billion dollars, what's the first thing you'd do with that money? What's the first thing you'd buy?_

_Get ready for some brand spanking new chapters. They'll be coming out periodically now that the story is now starting to gain momentum. I've already got a few written but I'll be making more to compensate for the shit chapters I'll be taking out of the picture._

_Check ya later_


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